Among the Stars
by KennethRose
Summary: Sucked into the Mass Effect universe and finding himself replacing enigmatic pilot Jeff Moreau, James White is in for one hell of a ride as he works alongside Erin Shepard and her crew to end the Collector and Reaper threat. Begins after Freedom's Progress mission in ME2. Self-Insert. Strong!Intelligent!Joker, JokerxFemShep romance and fluff, planning TalixKelly later.
1. Chapter 1

Adverse yaw, ailerons, angels – as in angels fifteen, bleed air, drift… all these aeronautical terms were smashing themselves around in my skull. A thrumming headache was bursting out from behind my eyes as more and more words I'd never heard of rammed themselves into my brain – forced themselves to make sense to me. One word made a connection with another, which in turn brought forth imaginary scenarios where I would use such things. Suddenly I knew how to correct drift when coming into a Mass Relay – and I wasn't even going there right now. I knew how to correct pitch and yaw when coming in for a ground landing in a super frigate, or even something as simple as a drop ship. I knew how to run maintenance drills, adjust and overclock ship cores, along with a whole bunch of stuff that was probably illegal but which I had to admit sounded pretty damn cool.

The headache was still growing, but the information I was suddenly making sense of overrode it – how could it not? This shit just shouldn't be happening, but it was. A headache I'd had before. I'd never had nearly ten years of complex and advanced aeronautic terms and knowledge flooding into my head. I'd never really understood that kind of stuff before either. Now before we get to the whole 'oh golly he said Mass Effect', let's talk about me. No I'm not being egotistical. Shut up.

I'm James. Hi. I could go on about how 'this is my story', but that's just cliche. I don't do cliché. If you're thinking about how this kind of story is cliché then I _will_ find some way to come and slap you silly. I'm not tall – just thought you should know that. I'm five ten on a good day and five nine on my worst. I'll have you know that I don't slouch. Again, stop thinking whatever you're thinking. Just yesterday I attended a university in Massachusetts. No, I'm not American; I'm British. No, I don't spell mum 'mom'. No, I will not debate the reason we spell mum 'mum'. Shut up. Again. So I was at MIT for three years, majoring in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science. I got Bs. An A- or so a couple of times. Not a stellar student, not the worst either – I just had a problem with academic institutions.

I have a cat, a dog, and a bird. Yes, it's a food-chain. No, it doesn't work like that because the cat's the bird's bitch, and the dog is literally the cat's bitch. Single child, two parents that I barely saw save for maybe three hours a week, an uncle who's pretty laid back, and an aunt that I haven't seen in around six years. Why, you ask? I don't know. I'm a computer gamer too, by the way, and I think it relevant to inform you that I'm an avid fan of the Mass Effect games – apart from that god-forsaken ending in the third instalment – and no, I don't think the Extended Cut DLC made it much better at all. Anyways, that's me. Nothing interesting – move along.

Ah, but the Mass Effect ordeal intrigues you, doesn't it? It intrigues me too, because I still don't know what the fuck is going on. It's not every day, as I said earlier, that you have years of knowledge smacked into your head with what feels like a goddamn sledgehammer. I've still got my eyes closed, and that headache's finally peaked out at 'oh my fucking head feels like a lorry ran over it', which I'm happy about because I was about to reconsider the lorry part and upgrade to a 747. Yes, I know that my head would explode if that _actually _happened – thanks. It seems a little counterproductive to keep my eyes closed, but I'm afraid that if I open my eyes a light will try and get itself intimately acquainted with my retina. I'd rather not have a blue cube in my vision for the next ten minutes.

See, the knowledge wasn't without a personal spin on it. I know precisely what I'm going to see when I open my lids, but I'm pretty damn sure I'm in a state of denial here, right now. Because there's no way in hell I said Mass Effect earlier now, is there? I mean, that's insane – how can I know the intimate details on acceleration ratios, energy requirements, and terawatt yields on Mass Effect relays unless I'm going insane. I'd prefer to think I'm quite sane, but I'm starting to question even that at the moment.

But Gryffindors forwards.

Fiction, and wrong universe I know… but it seems to fit the moment. Opening my eyes reveals a rather extensive glowing orange panel in front of me hovering in the air. All the numbers and little symbols are completely understandable to me, and quickly changing a parameter by a decimal point to correct the temporal drift inside the relay tunnel we're blasting through at the moment seems like the most natural thing in the world to do.

'Course I've never done it before, but still…

"James, using the bow thrusters to adjust the Normandy's course in such a manner is beyond acceptable operating parameters.

Ah. There's EDI. I can now see why Joker got so incredibly pissed off. "Thank you EDI," I managed to bite out, "but who is the awesome pilot here? Oh-" I interrupt before she can, "that's right, me. Our bow thrusters are rated for exposure almost five times that. It's fine."

The little blue orb expands a little before shrinking down and then disappearing and I wonder if I just bore witness to an AI actually _huffing_ at me. I should be in complete shock right now, because well, you know… different universe over a hundred and sixty years in the future and all that jazz, but I'm not really. The memories in my head have coaxed me into accepting it all – because they're my memories now. I feel a little guilty for replacing Joker but-

"Joker, how's the cockpit?"

Correction, I'm apparently still 'Joker'. Note to self; keep up with the witty comments. And banter. And just generally being an awesome smart-ass. I find the control for the seat I'm sitting in and swivel around with a grin, and then feel my breath hitch in my throat when I see the woman who asked the question. What's the best fem-Shep pic you've ever seen? Multiply the awesomeness by ten, add in sexiness, and you have Shepard – Erin Shepard if my memory, or rather Jeff's, serves me correctly. The glowing scars from the whole 'yeah, I was dead for a couple of years' debacle are far more pronounced than I had ever imagined; the skin around them sunken and bringing them into harsh contrast. It was hard not to stare, but I think I managed – because even with the scarring she was scarily beautiful. If she wasn't a Commander in the Alliance – or whatever she was in Cerberus right now – then she could easily make a living as a model. As it was however, just from her bare forearms I could see that she wasn't a weak little girl; those muscles were toned.

"Hey Commander," I shot back with a smile, "how's things with the whole 'save the galaxy… again' sort of deal? Just like old times – never boring with you, is it?"

I watched as her lips twitched and an amused smirk slowly developed. "You sure you left the Alliance rather than get court marshaled?"

I patted my chest, right above my heart, and was made abruptly aware of the weakness of my bones when I felt them ache with even such a small action. "Right here, Commander, it just hurts." My pout only intensified, and I found her smirk widening until she opened her mouth and laughed. For a moment the pain and loneliness in her scarily green eyes diminished, but it was all too soon that those emotions returned in full force.

"It's good to have you back Joker."

I smiled, a genuine, non-snarky one this time, and just that seemed to take her aback. "Good to be back Erin." Her eyebrows rose even further, and I wondered if perhaps it was too abrupt of a change in pace where 'my' personality was concerned, as well as our friendship. I grinned, and sat back as I forced smugness across my face. "See, can't do me in for insubordination now."

The look of surprise turned into one of amusement once more, and I received a roll of her eyes for my trouble. It felt like a victory to me. "I can still accidentally fall on you."

I threw my arms up and stifled a wince, "See, always picking on the cripple – hey Kelly! The Commander's bullying me!"

I doubt my shout reached the Yeoman, but the effect was still there. "You know Miss Chambers?"

I looked up at Shepard and saw the interested look on her face. It seemed that she hadn't yet talked to the rather probing young psychologist. "Yeah, she's great at parties. Psychoanalysis and all that. She's like your little pet secretary," I ignored the slight glare, "she'll even fetch," and I proceeded to ignore the full-out glare, but then decided against it and sighed. "Look, so far she just hasn't made a good impression on me – too nosy. She tried to get me talking about my… condition and how it made me 'feel' and all that, and she's been pushing ever since. I don't talk about it. She doesn't seem to understand that."

A look of understanding and pity came over Shepard's face, and I found myself struggling not to snarl at it. That look of pity pissed me _way_ off, just like it pissed Jeff off. His memories had obviously carried some emotion to them. I waved my hand vaguely and turned my chair back around. It was a bit childish, but I felt I was entitled to a little bit of that. "See you 'round Commander… and it's good to have you back."

I hoped my comment at the end made up for brushing her off, and if the soft smile I saw reflected in the windows of the cockpit was anything to go by then it had. The moment she'd walked off, I presumed to talk to everybody else, I routed a call through to the medical bay and did something that I thought should have been done a long, long time ago. It seemed stupid for it to not have happened – I mean, common sense, right? "Joker?"

Karin sounded rather surprised to see my face, but almost immediately a worried look crossed her features. I had to stifle an 'awwwww!', because despite her age she could pull off that maternal care look which just looked cute as hell. "No, I haven't broken anything," I assured her, "I promise. I was just calling down to do something I should have done quite some time ago."

"Oh?" Her eyebrows were raised in interest, and her body relaxed back into her seat, as she'd been half-way to standing and coming to see me beforehand.

"Yeah… look, I know to get the full treatment it'll cost a few thousand credits, but I've got a hundred thousand in my savings account," due to living on a ship with minimum living costs… and being the best damn pilot in the Alliance I'll have you know, "and I was wondering if you'd be able to purchase the required equipment for heavy bone-weave treatment for me."

She looked almost appalled, not that I was suggesting it I assumed, but due to the fact that she hadn't ever thought of it before. "I… well James that's actually a… well, a very, very good idea… one hundred thousand is more than enough, way more than enough-"

"Well then a heavy muscle weave would be in order too – I want to be in peak physical condition as soon as humanly possible." A few taps later and a beep came from her end of the line as I transferred the credits, and her eyes widened. "I want the best," I interrupted with my explanation, "not just the first level of treatment. I want the whole line." God it felt like I was on a shopping spree. "And two more things," I added after a moment, drawing a look of dazed disbelief from the grey-haired woman, "I want this to be kept way on the down-low; just between you and me, and also… how long is this going to take?"

I was then treated to an explanation that showed me just how far medicine had come since my time. One week was all it would take for all of the procedures to be performed; one, single week to cure a crippling disease that 'Joker' had had for his entire life. Why he hadn't done what I'd done I'd never know. For the next ten hours I piloted the ship to the Citadel where we'd be staying for two weeks as Shepard busied herself with talks with the head-bangingly-stubborn Council and filled up with supplies, and the moment we docked I hobbled painfully down to the med-bay before being directed to one of the hard tables where I promptly fell asleep.

When I next woke up I found that getting a nail through my foot three years ago was nothing. During the first procedure the stress of the surgery had broken several bones – though I was assured that now my bones were latticed with the first treatment of synthetic weave I wouldn't ever have to experience that again. Apparently by the time I had the last procedure I'd be lucky if a Krogan tackling me would even manage to bend a bone at all. Shepard, bless her cotton socks, if they wore them any more of course, visited me every day before heading to her cabin and collapsing after her mind-numbingly boring and tiring days. She thought I was down there for falling down the stairs and breaking some bones on the way, and neither Karin nor I told her otherwise. We had to finish the bone-enhancement before starting on the muscular, as the extra stress would be detrimental, but we eventually got there after eight days of aches and pains.

Standing on my own two feet again without the agony or the need to hunch over when walking was fabulous, even though I'd only had to put up with a few hours of pain in total - discounting Jeff Moreau's memories of course. Some basic exercises and tests later and I was finally discharged feeling better than I had in my entire life. The extra power I had at my beck and call was exhilarating. Jeff worked out in the ship's gym in the cargo bay regularly to keep his strength up to support his brittle and frail bones, and so my appearance down there didn't get too many odd looks – apart from the suspicious ones because I was grinning like an idiot and there was just _something_ different about me that they couldn't place.

Shepard was hammering a punching bag nearby, and the rest of the crew were staying well clear as she grumbled about 'Udina' 'punch the stupid fuck in the face' 'tear the smug bastard's flanges off' and other such niceties. "Up for a spar Commander?"

And there went the bombshell. All noise ceased, and Shepard froze mid-punch to stare at me, at least until a smirk came to her lips. "Joker, I could shake your hand and beat you in a spar."

"Want to bet on that Commander? One thousand credits says that I can make you tap out."

A few whistles met my rather confident statement, and I watched as Shepard narrowed her eyes at me. I _might_ have gone back to my 'cripple slouch' for a moment as she scoured me for any clues as to why I was so eager to get my bones snapped. She found none after a moment before nodding and looking uneasy, and I grinned before walking to the sparring circle, a rather crude line drawn on the floor with black paint, and started strapping on the familiar gloves. I'd been doing martial arts since I was eight, forgot to mention that, and then branched off into boxing, wrestling, and finally into MMA when I was fourteen. I'd won my national championship and come fifth internationally for my age group, and then promptly decided that I was bored of it when I was seventeen where I dropped out of the competitive circuit.

That sure as hell didn't mean I didn't still have it though.

I could see the uncertainty in Shepard's eyes as she looked at me gearing up, though had to hide a smirk when I shucked off my Cerberus shirt; leaving me in just shorts. I caught a look of her frank appreciation and attraction for nearly two seconds before she marshaled herself back into her stoic'ish persona, and after tapping her gloves together she stepped into the ring. The gloves were barely padded; made just to keep the knuckles from really receiving a beating, and I followed her soon after, tapping my gloves together to gauge their thickness. The last thing I wanted to do was break something – and I wasn't talking about me.

By this point almost the entire ship had gathered to watch the frail, sickly pilot face off against the Great Commander Shepard – please take note of the capitalisation there – and I felt a little self-conscious for a moment. Jeff's memories had Shepard fighting in them, hand-to-hand in the gym, and while her technique was alright it was more brawling than anything else. I, however, had nearly ten years of practice under my belt; enhanced muscles; and I was _ready_. "You sure about this Joker?" she asked, and it didn't take much to detect the almost pleading tone underneath. She might just as well have said 'Joker, please don't do this'.

I grinned and nodded, and she let out a deep breath before getting her guard up and crouching slightly. It was apparent to everybody including me that she wasn't taking this seriously, because normally she'd just go for it; all out. I'd work her up to it. I bounced on my toes a couple of times, eliciting an expectant wince from Shepard and most of the crew, and then crouched into my favourite beginning stance; one that would allow me to branch out into nearly all of my respective fighting disciplines with minimal movement.

That got a few more surprised looks, and Shepard finally got the hint and advanced. She moved slowly, cautiously, and not because she was afraid of me. Afraid _for_ me, yes. I rolled my eyes and darted forwards, smacking her hard in the shoulder and making her fall to the ground on her arse – eliciting gaping jaws and wide eyes. Shepard was not excluded in this. I saw Chakwas at the back of the group stifling her giggles. I didn't even need to shake my hand; hell, it was barely even a love-tap. "Come on Shep, off your bum." It took a second for my words to register, but when they did she rolled to her feet and stared at me before narrowing her eyes and crouching deeper. I grinned widely, "Now that's more like it." She came with a right hook to my ribs, and I stepped aside before swiping her feet out from underneath her whereupon she found herself sitting on her arse, and a lovely arse it was, once again.

"You're leaving your guard open when you attack," I said casually as I picked a bit of dirt out from underneath my fingernail, "so let's try that again, shall we?" Now she was glaring as she stood up, and I smiled again before reacting to her sudden attack. This time she threw a powerful punch to my face, which I used my forearm to stop dead in its tracks. Her shock gave me another moment to move, and it took me nary a second to get her against my back and flip her right over my shoulder. I heard her breath whoosh out of her in a pained huff, and stepped back as I looked down at her with a small smile on my face.

I didn't bother commenting; she was mad now, which meant that I was actually going to finally fight the Great Commander Shepard and not the watered down version she apparently reserved for cripples. I saw credits passing around the crew over Omni-tools and grinned; I wonder how many people were betting on me? Once she'd calmed her spasming diaphragm she rushed me, and in a flurry of kicks, punches, and in a few cases attempted head-butts. She was all over me. In a purely platonic sense of course. It didn't mean I couldn't appreciate the feel of her breasts the few times she was pressed up against me.

So she attacked and attacked, and I parried and parried as she wore herself slowly out. Despite the muscular enhancements however it was clear that she was fitter than I was, and it got to the point where I knew that if I didn't stop mucking around she would probably outlast me. Trapping her arm in a lock wasn't so hard when she got sloppy with a jab to my ribs, her other arm came soon after, and then a head-butt from my side which left her dazed – more than enough for me to push her backwards, roll over her, and then flip her over me to slam into the ground; winding her again. A leisurely couple of seconds later and I had both her arms locked behind her back as she struggled to get regain her breath; my knee on her lower back to prevent her legs from getting any action against me.

She struggled for several moments, but hauling her arms up closer to her shoulder-blades made her acutely aware that if I wanted to I could dislocate both her shoulders and leave her helpless. I finally got a defeated tap on my hand, and immediately let her go before rolling off her and back onto my feet before offering her a hand up. She stared at me for several seconds before brushing it angrily aside and walking off with a deep scowl on her face and the entire room was quiet until the doors closed behind her on the elevator.

And then pandemonium burst out. It took me broadcasting over the PA system in the cargo bay to shut them up, and I looked out at them before rubbing my brow. I'd just wanted to show Shepard that I wasn't a useless, frail cripple anymore – not to piss her off, embarrass, or humiliate her in front of the crew – which is apparently what I went and did. "Look everybody, I went and had some elective surgery to correct my Vrolik syndrome and wanted to prove something. In no way did I mean to undermine Shepard's combat proficiency, and I just want to remind you that I haven't. Shepard would kick my ass in war strategy, team leading, firearms, decision making… all that, she'd kick my ass pretty damn quickly. Quicker than I beat her here today. I just so happen to know martial arts, and boxing, and wrestling. She just so happens to have only taken Alliance and N7 hand-to-hand combat classes. Now if you'll excuse me I have a Commander to go and explain and apologise to."

Without waiting for an answer, and rolling my eyes at Miranda's suspicious glare, I walked over to the elevator and punched the button for the first floor. "Commander Shepard has locked down her quarters, Mister White."

"Well then _unlock_ her quarters."

"That is against my protocol, Mister White."

It took me less than five seconds to hack the elevator mechanism and trick it into thinking it was a floor below the current one… even though that floor didn't exist. Punching the button for the CIC then got me to Shepard's quarters, and her door really wasn't that much of a challenge. The moment it hissed open however I had to dodge a fist to the face, and then a flurry of jabs and kicks. Apparently EDI had seen fit to inform the good Commander that I was on my way up. Since I was no longer in front of the crew and wasn't trying to prove I wasn't so easily broken I took her out within ten seconds; kicking her onto her bed and then putting her in much the same hold I'd gotten her in down in the Cargo Bay.

"Now Commander," I chastised mildly, "I came up here to _apologise_ – not get beaten up."

She glared up at me, and I had to admit that she looked _damn_ cute when she was all flushed and pissed off. "Get. Off. Me."

"Am I gonna get my face smashed in if I do?"

"Likely," she snarked back, and I felt one of my eyebrows rise.

"Well then I'll leave you biting mattress as I apologise then." She struggled for a moment but a small pull on her arms reminded her that she was once more in a position where I could cause untold amounts of pain with a small pull upwards. "I'm sorry for kicking your arse in front of the crew Shepard," I started, and got a glare over her shoulder for my wording. "I just wanted to prove that you don't have to treat me like I'm made out of glass anymore… that I don't need your pity." Her expression turned confused for a moment and I snorted as I looked at her with disbelief. "You can't tell me you don't realise when you do it, Shep; whenever I'm in the cockpit, stuck there because if I walk I'll be in pain, that you don't give me that _fucking_ look of pity." Shock flitted across her face at my language, and I was drawing heavily on the years of repressed emotion Jeff had built up about his illness. "And when I was in the med-bay and you thought I'd fallen down the stairs… God Shepard, do you know just how much I wanted to wipe that look off your face?"

Her struggling had long since ceased, and I rolled off her back to walk over to her barren fish tank where a lone Koi fish was swimming aimlessly around inside. "I-why didn't you tell me you felt like that Joker?"

I turned around and raised my hand, waving it slightly, "Yeah, don't like talking about it, remember?"

"So you… what, kicked my ass- no, how did you even do that? I've never seen anybody fight like that before… and I know you should have broken bones right about now."

"Heavy bone weave."

She looked blankly at me before slapping herself in the head and sitting up, and a moment later she had her head buried in her hands as she groaned. "Why didn't anybody think of that before?"

I chuckled slightly, glad that the dangerous atmosphere had been done away with, and shrugged. "I don't know. It cost me almost all my savings, around eighty thousand credits because I went for a heavy muscle weave as well, so maybe that's why. The Alliance really isn't into shelling out tens of thousands of credits to their own soldiers, let alone one that left for Cerberus. And Cerberus probably isn't into giving me the ability to move around a lot."

She raised an eyebrow and flicked her deep red hair behind her ear, and I couldn't help but follow the action. Her face scrunched up a bit as she digested what I'd said, but then she shrugged in defeat and stared at me. "Why?"

I grinned and pointed to her door. "Because I can hack things like that in seconds; things that would take even Tali some minutes to get through. Only reason I wasn't double-qualified as a pilot _and_ engineer was because of my Vrolik's Syndrome. After all, what's the use of an engineer that can't get down and dirty?" Just as I finished speaking there was a loud 'phutz' sound, followed by some crackling, and before I knew what was happening Shepard had reached under her pillow, pulled out a pistol, and was looking down the sights at where a wisp of smoke was visible on her desk.

I knew what was happening, and so quickly ducked down and put my hands over my head, and I heard a thump as Shepard dive-rolled off the bed and into cover as the entire room was filled with hissing, crackling sounds of electricity. It took nearly ten seconds for everything to quieten back down again, and I slowly looked around – wincing when I smelled the burned silicon and saw the smoke permeating the entire space around us. A small runtime on my Omni-tool activated the venting in the quarters and fresh air rushed in to replace the smoky.

"And that's why Cerberus _really_ doesn't want me mucking around – because I'd have the great idea of hacking EDI's server banks… which then allowed me to connect to all the Cerberus bugs and short them out."

Shepard looked across at me from where she was crouched down by her couch, gun at the ready, and then slowly lowered her weapon as she shook her head with a wry grin. "Somehow I think having you on your feet is going to make this ship a lot livelier."

As we both got to our feet and stretched out she holstered her gun on the magnetic holster on her thigh and then stared me down for several seconds. She reminded me of my old principal; as if she was looking right though every façade and lie you'd told her to see the truth, but I held her gaze just as I did the old bitch that'd made my life a living hell at my old school. The difference was that Shepard's eyes were simply alluring to look at, and the face surrounding them though scarred was still scarily beautiful. I think you'll find I'll keep on reiterating that point.

Did you know Shepard is beautiful?

She is really. Am I annoying you yet? Anyways, she eventually relented and smiled – that pain receding once more and her face looking care-free for a moment as she talked. "You teach me how to fight like that Joker, and we're good."

I laughed and nodded before shaking her outstretched hand. "So long as you teach me how to use guns."

She laughed right back, her face crinkling with genuine amusement, and shook my hand before releasing it and walking over to her desk – glaring at a rather damaged terminal. "Ah," I said when I saw what she was looking at, "yeah…bugged. Before we leave the Citadel we're going to have to buy some more stuff."

'Stuff' turned out to be around a million credits' worth of gear, because virtually every single private console was bugged. Thankfully my beautiful Normandy's vital systems had escaped unscathed, because the Illusive Man apparently wasn't so paranoid as to give a damn about how we actually _drove_ his multi-billion credit super frigate. Miranda never found out just why her little surveillance network had gone and shat itself, though for the entire day the new systems were being installed Shepard and I shared those small smirks of amusement whenever the Cerberus cheerleader bitched and moaned about how the ship was supposed to be top-of-the-line.

Thing is, without the bugs tying up the bandwidth the entire ship gained a noticeable boost in processing power, as well as some benchmarks we run to make sure everything was up to spec. Miranda stayed very quiet whenever Shepard, me, or any if the other engineers mentioned how confused we were that the ship was running better… with identical hardware installed to replace the old stuff. I enjoyed making her sweat bullets.

By the time our visit to the Citadel had come to an end Shepard had finally been reinstated as a Spectre, and the Normandy was running full tilt for the first time – better than ever. EDI hadn't said anything about the rather radical restructuring we'd gone and done, and she also didn't mention the fact that she noticed the logs to the AI core showing my name minutes before all the Cerberus bugs were fried. I did notice, however, that she seemed to – pun very much unintended – bug me less, so I assumed that she hadn't liked all that surveillance either.

Teaching Shepard for the past three days had been fun. It was odd to think of her as a student, especially considering just how incredible she was, but when she was learning under me she put aside her authority and allowed me to run the show. If I got frustrated and berated her she'd take it and improve, not pull rank. That put her above almost any other person I'd known in my entire life. I'd started her off with some basic katas that would get her body accustomed to moving more fluidly, and she'd taken to them like a duck to water. Thing was, the stuff I was teaching her had to be readjusted on-the-fly because she wasn't fighting other humans most of the time: she was fighting ugly fuckers like the Collectors, or mechs.

And that was the thing that got us bonding a lot closer.

In just three days we'd moved past 'Shepard' and 'Joker' in most part, and had migrated to 'Erin' and 'James' respectively. It had been really weird at first. I got her calling me by my first name, because in the game she'd always called the crew by their first names… but actually hearing the word 'Erin' come out of my mouth was… unexpected. She commanded an air of respect, and it took numerous assurances that she didn't mind and wanted to be a bit more familiar for me to finally get over my hero-worship and start treating her like a close friend. Because let's just admit it, she _isThe Shepard_ – only this time I wasn't planning on letting her die on the Citadel when the catalyst went off so she could become a martyr.

Our next stop was, lucky us, recruiting one very, very angry convict named Jack. Yes, _the_ Jack – you know, that crazy biotic that can kill three huge mechs in a cut-scene but who finds it hard to deplete the shields of just one during game-play. The thing is that real life, which I'd consider this world is currently, just so happens to have a habit of being more realistic. I'd watched the helmet-cam vids of Freedom's Progress, and I'd seen the massive amounts of destruction Shepard and her team had torn through the mechs. Real life was infinitely more bloody and, funnily enough, realistic than a game. I'd seen the burns and cuts Shepard, Miranda, and Jacob had come back with – they weren't just back to 100 percent the moment they stepped back onto the ship like the game would have you believe.

So because it's real life, I have a feeling that Jack actually _will_ be that powerful… just like all the enemies we've faced so far – or that Shepard has faced so far – have been more powerful. That's why I'm doing all I can to be as good as I can be; as fast; as strong; and as experienced as humanly possible. Because when the Collectors come along, and if I haven't managed to unshackle EDI by that point, I'm not going to let the crew be abducted. Except for maybe Kelly Chambers if she keeps on pestering me about my condition – even though it's been cured. That I don't understand.

So right now I'm sitting inside the cockpit making sure that these bastards on Purgatory don't lock our ship onto the docking cradle, because I already know what the head Turian is going to do. I warned Shepard before she stepped out the airlock that I'd 'discovered some files' that had records of requests for her – dead or alive – and that Kuril had expressed a rather large interest in the bounty. So she had been warned, sufficiently enough I hoped.

Sitting around doing nothing while knowing that Shepard was walking into a trap was more than unnerving, and I was sure people were wondering just why the hell I was so antsy; I'd been pacing the CIC for the past ten minutes. Finally after nearly an hour of waiting Shepard's voice hissed into my ear, and I grinned widely – pumping my fists. "We're all okay James – just a little roughed up. Probably would've been more so if you hadn't warned me about Kuril."

"But you're alright?" I confirmed as I walked briskly back to the cockpit – my decision already cemented firmly in my mind.

"We're alright," she replied, and I could almost hear the smile in her voice.

"Good. I'll come down and see you in the med-bay once we're on our way to Omega." This was all said as I sat down and ran through the security protocols to launch one of our nuclear torpedoes. During the time I'd been biting my nails while Shepard was getting shot up I'd managed to gain access to their systems and peruse the prisoner files. The 'nicest' prisoner on the ship was a serial rapist who had ruined the lives of over thirty girls and women before he was caught. The worst was a mass rapist, murderer, as well as a slaver, blackmailer, and he had pulled off an orbital drop on an Asari colony twenty years back – a.k.a. boosting a huge asteroid so that it fell onto the colony with the destructive force of a 50 megaton nuclear bomb, enough to wipe out New York and then some.

I'd never killed anybody before, and I had the feeling that not looking them in the face when I pressed the button would make it easier – more of a detached action. I wouldn't see the gore, just the explosion. Five minutes later the airlock hissed open and I watched as first Miranda, then Jacob stepped into the corridor. Shepard walked wearily into view followed by the heavily tattooed biotic, and gave me a tired smile and wave before heading off down to the med-bay or engineering to set Jack up.

"Docking clamps away," I said before activating the commands, and a moment later I got confirmation from down the galley of, "Clamps away."

"Next destination is Omega," I announced over the loud speaker as I manoeuvred the ship out from Purgatory, "ETA twenty six galactic hours."

Of course the next thing I did had everybody looking around with wide eyes as red lights flashed on and off – activating a 1.4 megaton nuclear warhead seemed to do that. No, it doesn't just happen in the movies. EDI's lovely little voice provided constant narration of, "Nuclear warhead armed," repeatedly, and the weapon's specialist just behind me was freaking out because he realised that his terminal wasn't responding to his abort commands. Of course the huge ACCESS DENIED on his screen brought all attention back to me, because the pilot was the only other person who had the authorisation to access such weaponry.

I wondered what Shepard was doing at that moment.

The weapon's specialist however, had apparently made up his mind just as I'd made up mine. The moment I punched in the co-ordinates and pressed launch he was up and out of his chair, sprinting towards me. When I stood up and crouched slightly he faltered, but after a second's indecision he continued with a yell to psych himself up.

The yell… did not help him.

Launch procedures take ten seconds. I had him on the ground groaning as he clutched at his balls within two, and there was no way I was feeling sorry for him. From Jeff's memories he was a xenophobic piece of Cerberus scum, and my past week here had backed that up if his disgusting jokes and violent fantasies that he loudly boasted about when Shepard wasn't present were anything to go by. From taking off a quarian's mask and repeatedly raping her as she slowly died through fever and illness to ripping off a turian's exoskeleton plate by plate – nothing was too extreme or immoral. To him aliens were beneath even animals. A few more Cerberus operatives moved to stand when they saw their comrade on the ground groaning in pain, but they were too late. A low 'chunk' sound rumbled through the ship, and everybody's breaths hitched as they all rushed to the windows or a terminal displaying the external hull feeds.

The missile blasted through space, looking for all like a giant cigarette…only without the filte- okay, it didn't look like a cigarette, but I thought it sounded pretty cool. The moment it hit Purgatory however, nearly ten seconds later as it rocketed across the huge gap I'd put between us and the ship, it was no longer just an innocent white tube. I swear that I've never seen something so beautiful and yet at the same time so completely destructive. Within a fraction of a second I had snuffed out five hundred and eighty four lives, and for some reason I felt nothing about it save perhaps a slight sense of relief that none of those evil people would ever darken another person's life again. If I had to shoulder responsibility for those deaths I'd do so gladly. After exploding the bomb quickly imploded, and nothing at all was left of the huge prison station.

I don't know how long I stared, but it can't have been too long despite it feeling like a lifetime, because Shepard wasn't steaming full-tilt towards me yet. Taking a deep breath I opened up my Omni-tool and pulled up the ship-wide address system. "Crew of the Normandy SR-2, this is your pilot speaking. I feel that everybody should be aware that I was the one that just used a nuclear warhead to destroy the Prison Ship Purgatory. The only person who could have stopped me is currently lying at my feet because I booted him in the family jewels – and no, I'm not apologising for that. For those of you that feel I did the wrong thing…" a few more commands on my Omni-tool later and a number of beeps echoed out around the CIC, and indeed around the entire ship. "Well, just take a look at every single rap sheet of the people on that ship."

I didn't think I needed to say any more… and to be quite honest it was just starting to hit me what I'd done. I'd killed, in cold blood, over five hundred people with my right index finger. "EDI, take the helm and set us for a course to Omega."

"Understood James."

I nodded to myself before heading off the bridge, past the shocked stares of my crew mates, and into the elevator. When I emerged into engineering I quickly made myself scarce in Zaeed's quarters, which weren't in use, and proceeded to quite unashamedly bawl my eyes out. I'd done something irreversible, and even though I'd been certain in my decision only now was doubt clouding my mind, and that was in no way a good thing. Did I have the right to take all those lives? I know that I'd saved at least a few people if the message Shepard got in the game was any indication, from one of the prisoners that had escaped… but did that make it right? I mean Jack was messed up, like really messed up, and she was classified as a mass murderer, smuggler, extortionist, as well as drug-ring leader for a time… what if there were prisoners on that ship that had just gotten a bad rap?

I didn't know any more. I don't think I wanted to. As my heavy breaths slowly quieted I became aware of another set of breathing in the room. It didn't take a genius to figure out who was there. If it was Jack she wouldn't have waited, she just would've out and called me a fucking pussy or something similar. Miranda would've been dragging me to the airlock to space me, and Jacob wouldn't have been subtle about his entry. I didn't open my eyes; my face still too busy being buried in my hands for that to do any good. "Why'd you do it?"

"Read the files," I croaked out, "it's all there."

"So?"

"So you think those fucking criminals would just sit around and wait to be caught, Shepard?!" I snapped my head up to glare at her and wiped angrily at my eyes. She looked shocked; something I'd been seeing a lot of lately. "Kuril and the majority of the guards were docked at that ship, Shepard! I did a scan! Twenty cruisers – enough room to carry thirty apiece! That's enough for _all_ the prisoners you had to release to get off that fucking hunk of metal!"

She looked a little pale at the thought, and I was glad I was getting through to her. "But… all of them? I mean… I didn't think you would do something like that…"

I stared at her, agape for several very long seconds before throwing my hands up in frustration, anger, and hurt. "I thought you and I understood each other _Commander_," I bit out, and it pleased me to see a wince on her face. I brought up my Omni-tool and flicked a file towards her. "If you'd read that before coming and being all 'guilt-trip' on me then perhaps you'd have not been such an _inconsiderate bitch_ and realised that I'm freaking the _fuck_ out because of what I did." Now she just looked aghast as well as pale, and my glare intensified. "For the Savior of the Galaxy you really can be _thick_ sometimes."

I didn't bother saying anything else, just stormed out of the room and into the waiting elevator before punching the button for the Cargo Bay, but not before screaming out, "Jack! Get your fucking scrawny ass down to the fucking cargo bay you goddamn pussy!"

As the doors hissed closed and the elevator begun moving I swore I heard a roar of anger, and smiled grimly. Fury flowed like lava through my veins, and I had no idea what had gotten me so angry. I didn't much care either. Perhaps it was a combination of the stress and mental breakdown of killing for the first time coupled with the betrayal of Shepard's comments, but I just needed to fight. All noise ceased when I stepped out into the cargo bay, and everybody gave me a damn wide berth as I walked towards the sparring ring. By the time my destination had been realised not a single person was within ten meters of me – an accomplishment on a space ship.

The second I stepped into the circle I heard a deep growl echo out in the silent room, and turned around as I pulled off my shirt and threw it away. There was Jack glowering around her to find out just who had insulted her, and it didn't take long for her eyes to lock onto me. Probably because I was glaring at her looking ready to kill all over again. Before I knew what was happening a biotic shock wave was booming towards me, but a quick roll to the side took care of that. It splashed against the wall of the ship creating a huge dent in the wall, and I realised in some part of my rage-clouded mind that if that had hit me I'd be a fine, bloody mist.

"Ah, have to resort to long-range attacks do you? Told you you were a pussy."

Yeah. I was suicidal. No joke. With a burst of speed she was right in front of me; the blue trail of a charge rippling behind her, and a furious punch sheathed in biotic energy was coming right at my head. I ducked before kicking her as hard as I could in the stomach, and she gasped as the breath was forced from her lungs.

It didn't make her stop at all.

Her next hit contacted, and I felt my ribcage flex as I was sent flying back where I slammed brutally into one of the girders on the wall. When my head slammed against the hull my entire world went dizzy for a moment, but I forced myself to duck into a roll and get out of the way as another punch came at me. I danced away and evaded the furious psycho biotic for nearly a minute as I got my bearings back, but then dove into the fray – punching with all my power into her gut. She curled over in pain, and I roared as I grabbed the back of her head and slammed it down, and hurled my knee up. The resultant crunch was unexpectedly loud, as was the scream of pain as she collapsed backwards; blood flowing in rivers from her broken nose.

She didn't deserve it, and what I was doing was so unlike me it's not funny… but I just needed to get all this pent up anger out of me. Jeff's memories had integrated into my head almost completely; his entire life, and all that anger he had at the universe because of how everybody treated him like a useless cripple had finally broiled over with the added emotion my actions had brought forth. There was just so much of it; an incredible amount that just clouded everything but the lust for battle, and Jack was the one person on the ship who I knew would oblige me. Her next attack came so unexpectedly I didn't even see it coming until it slammed brutally into my face.

I felt myself smack into something, hard, but my vision was out as was pretty much everything else. I tried rolling to the side but was unsure if I was successful or not – my balance was so screwed up I was surprised I even knew I wasn't in zero-G. I kept on moving, or at least what I hoped was moving, out of the way of inevitable attacks by my chosen opponent, and slowly the fuzziness in my head cleared – but the ringing in my ears still remained. Jack's blurry outline slowly came into focus, and I sluggishly evaded another one of her punches before relying on memory alone, stepping behind her, reaching over the back of my head to grip her neck in a reverse hold, and then literally throwing her by her neck over my head, and then forcefully slamming her face-down against the hard metal floor.

I'd seen a bloke get killed with the same move on television before, but this was Jack we were talking about. The resulting crunch, 'ooof', and then after several seconds gurgling gasps as her diaphragm spasmed was proof that I was right – she was hard to kill. I felt liquid trailing down my face and raised my hand to my temple, bringing it away covered in an absurd amount of blood. My jaw felt like it was broken, and I was pretty sure I was missing at least five teeth somewhere. My vision quickly begun deteriorating again, and I knew I was about to pass out. I'd been choked out during several training sessions years ago, so I knew when I was almost unconscious.

I managed to get myself sitting with my back against something hard before closing my eyes, and managed just two more words. "Fuck you."

I wasn't talking to anybody except maybe myself and the universe for doing what I'd done, and putting me in that situation at all respectively.

I didn't care.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, well here's the second chapter. Now don't expect this story to be updated so quickly again in an awful hurry. This'll probably be updated fortnightly or once every three weeks. Any-who, hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

When I woke up I found myself staring at a white ceiling. Coupled with the smell of antiseptic and the dry bitter taste in my mouth of medigel and I knew exactly where I'd be. The thumping headache I had stabbed into my thoughts and I could barely think straight. However good of a fighter I was; however much my muscles and bones were enhanced… it sure as shit didn't mean I was invincible. That last punch from Jack had obviously rattled by brain around in my skull enough for me to be hospitalised. I was about to sit up when I suddenly realised why that might not be such a good idea. The feel of metal around my neck and wrists, and I also assumed my ankles, hinted that I was heavily restrained – which was not a good thing.

And if the good doctor was in the room then waking loudly up could put a dent in my escape plans. I had the odd feeling that it had been Miranda that suggested the restraints, because no matter what I did I think that Shepard liked me enough to hear me out and talk to me before deciding whether or not to toss me out the nearest airlock.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel incredibly guilty for what I'd done, from actually launching the bomb to talking to Erin the way I had to beating on Jack. Especially the second and third one. We'd had something going, that kind of friendship where you were in tune, and chances were I'd gone and bollixed it up.

But right now I had to figure out how to get out of where I was, or rather the situation I found myself in. I was agreeable to staying in the med-bay because of the splitting headache and, more than likely, concussion, but I just didn't like the restraints. I carefully turned my head to the side, trying my hardest to make it look like an unconscious action, and then waited for several seconds before opening my eyes. Chakwas was at her desk typing away at a report pad, her back to me, and so that was a good thing. The usual, predefined movement of my fingers on my right hand failed to bring up the usual glowing orange interface so I knew they'd taken my Omni-tool – likely after EDI informed them of my hacking prowess.

So they'd taken _one_ of my Omni-tools; time to see if they'd found my second one; the really, really good one that I'd had installed nearly five years ago in this universe as something cool to do. It made Jeff feel a bit like a secret agent, and I couldn't deny him that… because it made me feel like one too. I turned my head silently to my other side, and then moved my fingers on my left hand. Immediately a small orb of crystal blue flickered into existence in my palm, and I had to stifle a whoop of relief. Since it was in stealth mode it kept itself nice and small, and I carefully and very quietly accessed the med-bay's systems through the back-door I'd physically hardwired into the Normandy's systems.

A bit more tinkering and I was looking at the controls for the bed I was lying on, but then decided against being rash and brought up another window to take a gander at the reports that mentioned me. I paled when I read Miranda's recommendations for a control chip, and the Illusive Man's interest in the idea, but breathed a sigh of relief when I read Karin's medical reports and discovered that she'd merely treated me for cracked teeth, a concussion, and a hair-line fracture on my jaw. God Jack must pack one powerful fucking punch to manage even that.

I was tempted to access Erin's private terminal to look at her thoughts on the whole situation, as well as any reports she might be writing about me, but dismissed the idea almost immediately. I'd already risked our friendship with what I'd done, and I wasn't about to give her any more ammo.

But back to the restraint controls.

A quick twitch of my index finger and thumb and they disengaged with a small hiss and click, and Chakwas spun around immediately looking shocked. I sat up and twisted slightly before she could get any ideas about re-restraining me, and groaned as my body complained at the sudden movement. "James!"

I held up a finger as I massaged my temples to try and disperse the headache that had suddenly flared up, and then turned to her only to see her reaching for a sedative injector. "No need for that," I managed despite my mouth and throat feeling like somebody had stuffed cotton down there while I'd been asleep, "I'm not running."

Her hand hovered before returning to her lap, and she sighed before putting the pad down and walking over to me as I massaged my jaw to get the stiffness out. "How're you feeling?"

"Like Jack punched me in the face," I fired back without pause, and was gratified when I saw her lips twitch with amusement.

"Yes, well you're lucky you're not dead from what I heard about the fight."

I held up my left hand, revealing the blue orb that was displaying Miranda's report with a raised eyebrow. "Not just lucky to survive the fight if I read correctly."

She blanched at the appearance of my Omni-tool, but then sighed and rubbed her brow as she finished her scan and returned to her chair. "Yes. Miss Lawson did indeed recommend you for a control chip."

"Only Cerberus, eh?" I chuckled before wincing as pain stabbed through my torso. Karin didn't smile, and I couldn't really blame her. "So are you as pissed at me as everybody else on the ship?"

She sighed again and crossed her legs before fixing me with a concerned stare – not a pitying one like everybody used to give me, but a genuinely concerned one. "No, I'm not 'pissed' at you save for getting yourself beaten up and initiating the fight, but I am… worried about your mental stability. What you did was something you wouldn't normally do by any stretch of the imagination. What should have happened was you throwing a sarcastic remark or two as we left, and then boasting about your piloting prowess, not launching a nuclear warhead at a prison ship."

"But are you angry with me for what I did?"

Her dull grey eyes bore into mine for several long moments before she shook her head and then brushed her hair behind her ear. "No. At first I was appalled, even scared that you'd snapped, but I think it's pretty clear right now that you didn't."

"How do you figure that?"

"Because you care about how I see you. You want to know whether I see you as a monster for what you did."

I couldn't fault her there.

"Well do you?"

"No," she assured me with a small, sad smile, "no I don't. During your recovery I went through all those files you sent out about the prisoners on the ship, and I have to admit that the Commander has killed for far, far, far less. If I labelled you as a monster then I'd have been healing monsters for the majority of my life, and I haven't." I heaved a sigh of relief, ignoring the pain in my chest, and she smiled softly. "So no, I don't fault you for what you did. To be honest if you put the button in front of me and gave me those files I'd have pressed 'launch' too. I'm just worried about how this is going to affect you mentally."

It was clear she knew that I hadn't killed before, and I nodded in understanding as I slowly slid off the bed and tentatively tested my balance and strength on my feet. After deciding I was alright I shuffled over to the chair opposite her and sighed as I sunk into the comfortable leather-like material. "I'm feeling… well you put it pretty well Doctor: worried. And guilty." I had no problems about opening up to her, and I knew she was a trained psychologist. Hell, even if she wasn't I was sure she had enough experience in dealing with soldiers to help me out. "I mean, I considered my decision for the entire hour Shepard was on that ship. I looked through those files and wondered if some of them had just gotten a bad start in life; if some of them hadn't had a choice in becoming who they were.

"I read about them and wondered if they'd turned out bad because of Cerberus, just like Jack, and if they did then did they deserve to die?" Chakwas nodded in understanding and nodded for me to continue, and I took in a deep breath – glad that the pain in my chest had abated to a dull ache. "But then I thought about it and weighed it up with my morals. I mean no matter what the circumstances these people had killed, raped, extorted, slaved… for years. They had chances to change themselves, but they didn't. Perhaps a lot of them would have grabbed a chance like we gave Jack with both hands… but I mean, really… who was going to give them that but us? Shepard had to release all the prisoners to get to Jack, and there were ships docked to the prison. Those criminals had a free escape from that place, and I don't doubt for a second that the majority if not all of them would just continue on with their crimes.

"I also don't doubt that I saved lives when I pressed that button. Tens, hundreds, who knows – maybe even thousands of lives were saved because those criminals are gone… but my question is: did I have the right to take those lives?"

I stared at the grey-haired woman in front of me, and she stared right back before smiling slightly; a relieved, genuine smile. "Do you condemn Shepard for taking lives?"

"Well, no-"

"Well then you have your answer," she shot back, that small smile still on her lips, "and you, just like her, are a soldier. You were trained in warfare, James, and as much as I save lives I also save the lives of people that take lives. Did you have the right to take those lives? You had just as much right as everybody else in the galaxy. Did you do the right thing? That's something that only you will be able to decide for yourself. But I do know one thing James." I raised an eyebrow curiously, and her smile widened. "The way you're talking, and the way you're thinking proves to me that you're no less of a person for doing what you did. Some people start seeing sacrifices of a few innocents for the betterment of many acceptable, or they lose a part of themselves when they make their first kill… or they enjoy it.

"You carefully considered your decision before you made it, and I wholeheartedly agree with it. If nobody else thinks what you did was right, then know that you have at least one person who thinks otherwise on this ship." I smiled at that, and felt a weight lift from my shoulders. The good doctor was one person who I trusted almost implicitly, and throughout my life – which I had merged with Jeff's – she had been the one constant. I saw her almost like a grandmother, or even a mother full stop. Her opinion mattered quite a lot to me. "And despite what you did you're still the same James, if a little more worldly, and you clearly didn't enjoy what you did. As soon as you start to like killing there's no going back, but I can see that won't be a problem for you for a long time, if ever."

I nodded my agreement, casting my mind forwards and thinking about whether or not I'd ever have to do something similar ever again. I couldn't think of any off the top of my head, and doing such a thing in the events of Mass Effect 3 would be almost impossible because using nukes would likely wipe out allied forces as well – something I'd never do. She was right. I didn't like what I'd done, but truly, deep down, nor did I regret it. It _was_ the right thing to do, despite what anybody else said. "Thanks," I smiled at her, "that cleared a lot of things up. At least you're not like most shrinks, simply answering with questions."

She laughed at that, a real laugh and not a fake, forced one. "James, the moment I start doing that I expect you to force me to retire."

I was about to reply when a small hiss made both of us turn to the entrance, and I found myself looking down the barrel of a pistol held by a very, very pissed off Miranda Lawson. "What the hell is he doing out of his restraints?!" she spat at my good friend Karin Chakwas, and I took offence to that. Miranda had made the mistake of getting into arm-range, and no matter how genetically 'perfect' she was, it didn't help her when it came to hand-to-hand combat… much. I assumed it heightened her reaction and healing time, perhaps increasing her strength and such, but she didn't have time to use any of that before I'd torn the gun from her fingers, punched her in the gut, and then slammed her against the bed where I used the restraints to lock her in place as she dazedly tried to get her wits back about her.

"I-I'll have you thrown out of an airlock for this," she managed to gasp out, and I raised an eyebrow as I crossed my arm and looked down at her.

"Firstly, that decision lies with the Shepard, and secondly, why? I mean, you know I'm the best pilot around so the Illusive Man won't want to get rid of me, and since when do I not have authority to neutralise anything I consider a threat? Should I make a call to you next time we have a Collector ship on our arse and ask nicely for permission to take evasive manoeuvres and retaliate?" Her scowl was becoming more and more pronounced, and she suddenly didn't look so pretty any more. "Look Lawson, I signed on for this mission for four reasons. One: I wanted to help stop the Collectors attacking human colonies. Two: I wanted to help _Shepard_. Three: I wanted to fly again, and lastly, I wanted to help make this galaxy a safer place. Not _once_ did Cerberus ideals come to mind. I fight for the galaxy, for my friends, for my family, and for Shepard – not Cerberus. Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if the only reason you were pissed is because now your little organisation can't go in and get free experiment subjects."

I saw a flicker pass over her features before she opened her mouth to refute my accusation and laughed humorlessly. "Oh this is just peachy! You're pissed at me because I launched a nuke at a prime supply of 'material' for your organisation to work with! I eliminate a threat to the galaxy, and you're not pissed because I launch a nuke; you're pissed because I ruined Cerberus' plans to… God you're just a piece of work, aren't you?"

"I agree with Joker." I spun around, surprised at the new voice, and had to stifle a blanch when I saw Shepard standing there in a black, un-branded hoodie and track-pants. I wondered, just for a moment, how she'd managed to get clothing without Cerberus smacking their logo somewhere on it. She didn't meet my eyes, instead opting to glare dangerously into Miranda's. For those that knew Shepard there are two types of angry: type one where she yells and screams, but it's just heat of the moment and will blow over, or type two where she's quiet and very, very dangerous and serious. "_I_ am the Commander of this ship, Miss Lawson, not you. The Illusive Man chose _me_, not you. _I_ make the rules, and not you. _I_ run the crew. I will admit that I was at first shocked and even angry at what Joker did, but after reading the files he sent around I'd have to say that if given the chance I would've killed them too.

"Joker made a call. It was one that took a lot of backbone to make, and I don't doubt that it'll be something he'll never forget, but I think it was the right call and what you did and _why_ is the reason I'm actually down here." I knew, suddenly, that I could get over what I'd done. Karin's support had done a lot for me, but knowing that my Commanding Officer felt the same way lifted all the more weight off my shoulders. She turned to me after a moment, and a ghost of a smile cross her lips as she nodded at me. "Good work Joker."

I could tell that there was more she wanted to say, but knew that now wasn't the time or place. Turning back to Miranda she released the restraints and then crossed her arms with a glower as the Cerberus operative sat up with a face like thunder. "From now on you will come to me with any and all things that deal with _my_ crew. I did not approve the restraints, and had I been asked I would have said with complete certainty that they were not necessary. Moreover, while you're working _under_ me you will realise that I think differently to what you do. Pretty much all of Cerberus' ideals are very much unwelcome on this vessel. If I hear of any secret Cerberus dealings, xenophobic comments, or anything I disagree with I _will_ deal with it. I'll be announcing that in the mess tonight so that everybody knows where I stand." Miranda was still shooting glares at me, but Shepard brought the bint's attention back to her by grabbing her chin and pulling it around; staring right into her eyes. "Am I understood Operative Lawson?"

"Yes Commander." The reply was bit out with the utmost reluctance and dislike, and for a moment I thought that Shepard would chew her out for it. She eventually let Miranda's jaw go and nodded sharply as she stood aside, and the Cerberus cheerleader stormed out with one last, scathing glare at me.

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and leaned against one of the beds. However much I wanted to however, I couldn't look Shepard in the eye and so settled for closing my eyes and rubbing the bridge of my nose; too embarrassed and ashamed at the way I'd acted toward her before being knocked out. "Thanks Commander."

She didn't reply for several seconds, and when she did it wasn't the one I was expecting. "Doctor, can we have the room for a moment?"

I looked up and saw Chakwas nod as she stood up. "Of course Commander." I could feel nervousness coiling in my gut, and had to force myself to keep calm when the door hissed and locked behind the woman who had been my physician for years.

"Are you really that angry that you can't look at me?"

I groaned and shook my head. "I'm not angry at you at all; I'm angry at myself for going off at you and treating you like dirt."

I heard her readjust herself, and could almost _see_ the amusement in her voice when she next spoke. "So let me get this straight; you're _embarrassed_ that you went AWOL on me while going through a time of immense stress?"

A single chuckle burst from my mouth unbidden at that, and a little more weight lifted itself off my shoulders. "Well when you put it like that Commander…"

"So we're back to square one again, or do you think you can just accept my forgiveness, shake my hand, and then move back to 'Erin'?"

I looked up and saw her outstretched hand, and followed it back up to her face. She was smiling teasingly, and I couldn't see an ounce of deception in her expression or mannerisms. I almost found it hard to believe that she could be so forgiving after I'd been such an arse. Almost. This was Shepard we were talking about. I couldn't help but reciprocate with a smile of my own – hell, even if I'd wanted to hide it I couldn't have. I took her hand and shook it before pulling her forwards and giving her a hug. She stiffened for a moment, clearly surprised, and I could smell her shampoo and hint of perfume as I breathed in lightly. "I'm sorry for being such a prat." She finally laughed and relaxed as she returned my hug, and I was pleased that it didn't feel forced at all – she didn't mind me hugging her.

When she pulled away a second later she crossed her arms and leaned back against the bed behind her, and a smirk twisted her lips. "We all have our bad days where we make fools of ourselves James, you just so happen to have more than others."

God it was good to be back on good terms with her.

After some talking I discovered I'd been out for nearly two days, and that it was lucky I'd woken up when I did because EDI had been asking for me with increasing frequency to bring us out of what I liked to call warp – blame my Star Wars side – and dock at Omega. When I showed Erin Miranda's report suggesting a control chip I was sure she was going to march over into the cow's office and dress her down, but logic prevailed and she didn't. That didn't mean she was against me signing Miranda up to several cross-species dating sites as payback.

When we finally emerged from the med-bay and went our separate ways I found out that I was the subject of intense scrutiny from most of the crew. I got my fair share of glares, I assumed for much the same reasons as I got one from Miranda, and probably a couple for nailing their buddy in the jewels. I _was_ tempted to flip them all off as I passed by on my way to the elevator, but thought better of it. There were a lot more of them than me, and although I was good I wasn't about to risk being ganged up upon. When I walked out onto the CIC deck I got a reception I was most certainly not expecting. From around the floor there was scattered applause, and to be honest it was about fifty-fifty; those that apparently supported me in what I did, and those that were either mates of the bloke I'd kicked, or those that felt like Miranda.

I smiled and nodded to the people that were clapping, and headed up to the helm where I was promptly confronted by three men – the weapon's specialist stood in the centre with a hateful glower and his arms crossed. "Do we really want to do this guys?" I asked them, and the one on the left whom shall henceforth be known affectionately as 'Bob' growled.

"You think you can just go around doing whatever you want? We're here to make sure it's… clear to you that you can't, _Pilot_." Oh golly, I am quaking in my boots, thanks Bob.

"Okay," I said before crossing my arms and leaning back slightly, adopting the almost-patented Shepard Pose, "so let me get this straight. You're risking something called _mutiny_ because, and let's all be honest here, I damaged Mister Fields' ego and balls. Do you think that the Commander is going to take 'putting the pilot in his place' as an acceptable reason to keep me from my work?" The three looked rather uncertain at that question, and shuffled slightly as they shot looks at each other. In their discomfort I brushed past them only to hear a, "Stevenson, Fields, Jenkins, get back to your stations. If I hear a single tale rumour about you harassing _my_ pilot again then I'll have EDI back up the toilets and make you clean them out."

I felt a bit giddy at the '_my_ pilot' thing, even though I know she meant nothing much by it. Several seconds later after greeting EDI and sitting down Shepard came up to stand to my left, and chuckled while shaking her head as she watched me. "The Alliance made a huge mistake in taking your wings." I looked up at her, surprised, and she smiled down at me before crossing her arms and looking out at the magnificent tunnel of light we were travelling through. "I remember when Anderson gave me the Normandy and I went around visiting the crew to get to know them all better. Despite being on the same ship as you for years I'd never really talked to you before, and when I came up to the cockpit and saw you actually piloting for the first time… I was truly gob-smacked. You were just so _fast_; made it look so easy. Like now; you're not even looking at the console and you're preparing us for one of the most dangerous things a ship can go through; deceleration from a Mass Relay."

I looked down at my hands and low and behold she was right. "And the thing is that I'm not worried in the least that you're doing that, because I know how good you are." I was now giving her almost all of my attention, and noticed for the first time the black lines under her eyes. I frowned at that, but didn't mention it. I'd had a feeling for some time that a certain something would be bothering her, and hopefully I'd be able to find something to rectify it when we docked on Omega.

"Thanks Erin. It means a lot hearing that from you." She turned her head to smile at me again and nodded, her green eyes glinting happily back at me, and then as one we both turned back to the tunnel. I brought us out of the other end safe and sound, getting another grin from the Commander as she shook her head, and then activated the FTL drives to get us across the system. Ten minutes later and I was nosing us into a docking port on Omega. Shepard said goodbye before leaving to get into her armour, and I sat back in my chair before breathing out a small sigh of relief and powering down the core.

I peered over my shoulder to see whether or not I was going to have to kick some Cerberus arse, but upon finding the three men who had confronted me gone I hopped on out of my seat and walked towards the armoury. If I was going to venture out into the hostile world of Omega I wasn't going to go without at least a little bit of protection. In my case, protection was synonymous with a set of matte-black light armour, a powerful shield generator, and a pistol on my thigh. Checking myself over I nodded and then pulled on a reckon hood; according to Shepard and my memories Omega smelled like an open sewer on a good day, and I wasn't about to chance it that it was a good day.

I checked to make sure my decoy Omni-tool was installed correctly and that I still had all my credits, and then rocked on out of the armoury and towards the airlock. I assumed that Jacob was already waiting in the airlock since he wasn't where I'd just been, and found myself correct when I stepped into the small room and got a surprised look and blink from the 'abs man'. "Er…"

"It's me, Joker."

His eyebrows shot up. "Oh? Are you coming with us?"

"Ah… no," I said as I started up the depressurising, eager to get out before Miranda showed, "me and your girlfriend aren't jelling at the moment, and I'm not too keen to try and reconcile right now. I'm just heading to the market to pick up some parts, maybe get myself my own armour and weapon so I don't have to scavenge of you lot." Jacob nodded with understanding, and then blanched back when the airlock opened and he was hit full in the face with the stench of Omega. Apparently it was _not_ a good day. I tapped my mask with a grin, "Olfactory filters, my good man."

I got a nod with wide eyes. "Yeah… I might just head back and grab one myself."

I headed out onto Omega proper and had to admit to myself that Bioware had really not done a good job of conveying just how much of a shit-hole the entire station was. Scum and slimy decay leaked down nearly every wall and pooled in corners, people lay around in their own vomit, unconscious, and there was a heavy mercenary presence all around. I got some weary looks, but just kept on walking with a self-assured stride so I wouldn't get bothered. Not to say I _felt_ self-confident, in fact I was scared positively shirtless, but the fact remained that I wasn't about to show weakness on Omega.

The marketplace simply _looked_ sleazy, and I winced as I thought about the quality of the items likely on show. My first stop was Omega Market where I kindly asked the Volus about getting my hands on some high-mobility armour with a top-of-the-line shield generator. The way I saw it, if you could move fast enough then heavy armour wasn't necessary. He tried to pawn off some counterfeit Light Crisis armour, but I called him on it and eventually got him to sell me the real deal. It had the best shields of all the light armours available, so I was happy. I was tempted to buy a Fornax just to see what was going on, but decided against it – the ribbing I'd get from a largely xenophobic crew if they found it just wouldn't be worth it.

So that was twenty thousand credits gone, and now I was broke, which posed a dilemma because I still had to buy some weapons, upgrades, and on top of that my little idea for Shepard. It didn't take me long to come up with a solution to my problem, and so I hopped on over to Harrot's Emporium whereupon I started an automated hack into the git's bank accounts. He was stopping the Quarian down at Kenn's Salvage from going home by being a greedy bastard, so I didn't feel too guilty at all. The Elcor looked a little bit shifty, as if he knew something was afoot as I perused his catalogue, but I breathed a sigh of relief when my Omni-tool heated up for a moment to signify that the hack had completed without any hiccoughs.

So from good ol' Harrot I bought myself my own recon hood, since I was probably wearing Shepard's spare, along with another one just to copy Erin and tinker with; a heavy skin-weave upgrade I'd get Chakwas to help me with when I got back; an M-15 Vindicator with some serious upgrades; and finally an M-6 Carnifex pistol, also upgraded to hell and back. The skin weave was by far the most expensive thing I brought, coming in at a whopping 90000 credits. I knew I was getting ripped the fuck off, but considering I was just going to steal all the money back before I left I wasn't concerned.

So one hundred and eighty thousand credits richer I left the shop before heading down to the lower level to do my good deed for the day. I nearly tripped when I saw that my balance was now one million, three hundred and fifty nine thousand credits, but took in a deep breath and kept on telling myself not to get all silly and dance a jig.

Just for reference, Vorcha are really, really ugly sons of bitches.

And then there was our unfortunate Quarian who had made the mistake of actually coming to Omega in search of a pilgrimage gift. "Hey," I said to get his attention, and he flicked off his welder before turning around and nodding.

"Hey there, welcome to Kenn's Salvage. Looking for anything in particular?"

I smiled and nodded, "Sure am, and I'd say that with how much I'm willing to pay you you'll be able to get off this rock and back to the fleet."

He jerked back slightly, but then crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes; the orbs of light thinning to slits through his mask. "And how would you know that?"

"I happened across a communique from one Harrot that mentioned it, so here I am doing my good deed for the day and getting my last purchase."

His arms uncrossed at the mention of a good deed and he nodded – though he was still clearly wary of me. "Right… well what are you looking for?"

I outlined what I wanted, and for the next couple of hours we hashed it out between us to get it all working up to spec. When I handed over one hundred thousand credits I think he peed himself before trying to get me to take it back, but after explaining that what I'd brought off him was priceless he finally, albeit grudgingly, took every single credit. I smacked on an extra layer of encryption to his Omni-tool keyed to his biometrics so that he wouldn't get mugged again before leaving, and then strolled on out of the underground with a very, very happy Quarian left in my wake.

When I checked my HUD I quickened my step, realising suddenly that I'd been in the markets for nearly three hours and that Shepard would probably be back with either Garrus or Mordin already. When I walked back into the airlock one of the crew that still liked me informed me that I had packages waiting for me in the armoury, and when I walked into said room I found Jacob shirtless and dabbing at a bloody cut across his chest with an antiseptic wipe. Yes, he does have abs. Get over it. He looked up at me when I walked in, seemingly unperturbed being caught half-naked, and nodded. "Hey. Your packages are over there."

I nodded and looked away, feeling quite uncomfortable in the current situation, before walking over to the cases and jerking the first one up onto the bench. Clicking it open I found my armour and checked the serial number just to make sure the Volus hadn't switched it out for the counterfeit. "Wow, Crisis armour? That's pricey stuff."

"It's what I needed, and I'm not short on money. Don't like the red though, so I'll strip it down and repaint it later." I heard a grunt of acknowledgement from behind me and pushed the armour aside to make room for the next case. I perused my weapons and made some modifications to the on-board chip to optimise the operating processes before placing them all back in their cases and walking over to the lockers. There were a whole lot of them, I assume so that the specialists could store their shit there, but hey, they got their own rooms! I still had a flipping bunk bed!

A quick hack later and one of the lockers displayed my name, and I put all my newly purchased gear in there save the box I had gotten from Kenn's Salvage. I stripped out of my borrowed armour and put it back on the rack, and then got changed back into some casual clothes I'd ordered on a whim on the extranet. I almost sunk into the comfort of non-Cerberus clothing, and the _hoodie_! Argh, so nice and cuddly warm. My cap, of course, stayed. I was _not_ parting with my cap.

Jacob raised an eyebrow at my rather un-regs appearance, but wisely didn't say anything. I'm sure he heard enough about me beating up Miranda repeatedly on the latest mission. "So who did you go after first?"

"Archangel," he rumbled out as he put his shirt back on, "turned out to be one of the Commander's old crew-members."

I laughed and crossed my arms. "Let me guess, Garrus Vakarian?"

He looked surprised. "How did you know that?"

"Because Garrus is the only old crew member bad-ass enough to build up a reputation like Archangel's."

After a little more small talk I meandered out of the room and into the elevator, and hacked it once again to trick it into allowing me access to Shepard's floor. When I got to her door I raised an eyebrow – the encryption had been upgraded. It took me twenty seconds to hack this time, instead of last time's ten. But I was in, and-

"Mister White, you are not authorised to be in here."

I jumped and spun to face the accusatory blue orb and raised my hands. "Look, just hear me out before telling Erin." EDI's silence I took to be her 'hearing out', and so I hurriedly held up the box in my hand. "Erin's been having a hard time getting to sleep I think, and probably sleeping as well, and I was concerned so I went and commissioned a Quarian to help me make this."

"And what is 'this', Mister White?"

I popped open the case and pulled out one of four bendable rods. "It's a holographic, multi-sensory interface. Cerberus obviously didn't put much thought into the whole design of this cabin, because if they had then they wouldn't put a huge fucking window looking out into space in the quarters of a woman who _died_ being spaced."

EDI was silent for several seconds before sounding slightly surprised. That was something. "I concur with your evaluation of the current living conditions. I will not alert Shepard to your intentions or position."

"Thank you EDI," I sighed with relief, "now do you have any ideas on just how the hell I can get up to the window?"

I was eventually reduced to using Shepard's dress-sabre to reach up and press the magnetic rods into place on each corner of the window, and after nearly half an hour of jumping on her bed I managed… only to realise that I was no longer alone in the room. I stared at Erin like a deer in the headlights, and her already-raised eyebrow rose further as she leaned against her fish tank with her arms crossed. I understood after a moment's thinking just why she was looking at me the way she was. I was jumping on her bed with a sword waving around. I could only imagine her thoughts at that very moment. "Er… I can explain?"

I didn't mean for it to come out as a question but it did anyway. "Please," she drawled, "do."

"Erm…" I floundered for a moment before stepping off her bed and taking a few seconds to straighten it up. It sure as hell wouldn't pass Alliance regulations, but it looked a hell of a lot better than it had. "Well," I finally managed after a moment to gather myself, "come and lie down on the bed."

Now both her eyebrows rose. "James, that has got to be one of the most cheesy-"

"Not, gah! No," I interrupted, face feeling like lava, "not like that… look, just come and lie down would you?"

She stared at me for several long seconds, scouring me for any deception, but finally grunted and walked over before sitting down and looking warily at me. I actually had to push her backwards to get her to lie down, and then activated my Omni-tool before interfacing to the devices above, stuck to the window frame. I puddled around making sure it would work before activating it, and a moment later I heard a shocked gasp from Shepard at the exact same time the sounds of a lagoon suddenly started washing over the room. I looked up to the window and smiled when I saw the hologram working perfectly.

To be honest it had taken a considerable amount of time to get it looking so solid, but it had worked.

Above her bed, rather than a window looking out onto space, there was now a window looking up onto palm trees stretching away, with a bird or two flying high above; silhouetted against the clear blue sky. There was even a monkey nesting in one of the trees, chattering occasionally. Suddenly the salty smell hit me, as well as the scent of fresh vegetation, and I had to admit to myself that what Kenn and I had built was a work of technological marvel. The sunlight from the scene beamed down and lit up the entire room with natural-seeming light, and suddenly Shepard's entire quarters took on a far warmer, homelier feel. I grinned widely at the wonder and delight on Erin's face, and a moment later found myself hauled down onto the bed where I was engulfed in a tight hug as she laughed and looked upwards with complete happiness.

"My God," I heard her mutter before she looked down at me, pinned underneath her, "how… why?"

I reached up and traced the tired bags under her eyes, very much aware of how soft her skin was and how close we were to each other, and smiled sadly. "Looking out into space the way you were was hardly helping you Erin, especially after…" I didn't want to say the words, but she nodded solemnly before rolling off me and staring upwards.

"Yeah… I've lost count of the number of times I've woken up after a nightmare and gotten even more freaked out when I saw those stars."

I nodded, having guessed as much. "Yeah. Well then what do you think about this?" I flicked a command through to the hologram and the room slowly darkened as the virtual day above quickly advanced until the bright starry sky was left above. I looked across at Shepard and saw that she had an odd look on her face.

"I… well, no… it's different. I can see the silhouettes of the palm trees, and the sounds of birds and the waves, and the smell of the sea and the forest… they make it okay. I can feel like I'm on solid ground."

I nodded and smiled before turning my attention upwards, and found the gentle lapping sound of waves on the beach to be oddly hypnotising. "Well if you wake up and freak out again just tell me and I'll be able to modify the hologram into showing something else during the night cycle."

"Mm-hm…"

I closed my eyes for a moment, telling myself it was just to focus on analysing the authenticity of the sounds and smells, but I was kidding myself. I was still tired from my fight with Jack, as well as all I'd done for the day, and before I knew what was happening my eyes snapped open when I heard a loud gasp from beside me. I turned my head to the side to see Shepard sitting bolt-upright, and then watched as, after a moment, she let herself fall back onto the mattress with a sigh and a thump. "Just a dream…"

"You alright?"

She jerked upright all over again before staring at me with wide eyes, and I yawned before sending her a sheepish grin. "Sorry, I must've fallen asleep at about the same time as you did."

I saw her eyes searching me again for a lie, and when she found none she fell back once more and smiled as she looked across at me. "To be honest I'm not surprised – it's almost dangerously relaxing."

"At night at least," I assured her. "During the day cycle the birds are louder, as are the waves and wildlife – just to make it less restful. Here, I'll give you the control program." I ran her through all the things she could do to the hologram; from changing the time of day, speeding up or slowing down the time cycle, activating alarms, changing weather conditions, or even changing it to just reflect a number of virtual ceilings if the whole starry night sky was too much for her.

She eventually settled on a bamboo ceiling that made it look like she was inside a shack on the beach for the night cycle, and had fun tinkering with the different animals she could add to the hologram for a wee while. We were now both sitting on her bed, our backs up against the headboard of it, and she looked across at me with a smile. "Thanks for this James… it really means a lot." I smiled and nodded back before sinking down and pulling my cap down over my eyes. "That doesn't mean you get to sleep in my bed," I heard her remand with a teasing whine to her voice, and I grinned into the darkness of my cap.

"I did this for _you_, the least you can do for _me_ is allow me a decent sleep on a mattress that isn't an inch thick."

I heard a chuckle and was just drifting off again when she spoke. "It wasn't your fault you know."

I knew what she was talking about almost straight away. "Bullshit," I fired back, "if I'd have gone with you the moment you came up you wouldn't have been spaced. Hell, if I'd have stopped being stubborn five mere _seconds_ earlier you wouldn't have been spaced."

"You couldn't have known, James." Her voice was soft and reassuring, but it did very little to ease my lingering, deep-seeded guilt on the matter. She obviously took my silence in the manner it was meant; that I didn't agree. "Well… I forgive you then."

I snorted, not abrasively, but almost sadly. I could remember the moment I'd seen her wide eyes through the mask as she was blown away from the escape pod by the explosion, my hand slamming against the window as I yelled out her name, and that look of utter defeat in her expression when she reached out and pressed the 'launch' button. "I'll let you know when I forgive myself."

She was silent after that, and I'd given up on trying to go back to sleep no matter how comfortable the bed was. Now that it had been brought up I just couldn't get the images out of my head, and with a low growl I tore off my cap and threw it across the room – sitting up after a moment and running my hands through my hair as I curled over my lap. No, sleep wasn't coming within a mile of me in this state. After a moment I felt a warmth move to my side, and then wrap around my front and back, and after some manoeuvring come to rest against my shoulder as well.

When I smelled that familiar perfume and shampoo I opened my eyes to look down in shock, and found Shepard looking right back at me from where she was hugging herself to my side; her head against my shoulder. With the way we were sitting; her with her legs curled up beside her and her bare feet poking out, and me in just a t-shirt and my jeans if we were in the Alliance we'd have a bunch of trouble. Knowing as I did however, I knew that she didn't have any romantic intentions with what she was doing – the care in her eyes and only care proved that, and I relished in it. She was willing to completely put aside the mask she had to keep up as Commander Shepard to comfort me and reassure me; to try and help me, and that was a humbling thing.

I eventually fell back with a sigh, taking Shepard with me, and she just smiled a little before readjusting herself to get more comfortable. The fact that she hadn't moved away when I'd lay down surprised me, because there was a definite change in atmosphere when sitting and hugging and _lying_ and hugging, but I put it aside for the moment. "I've never seen you with your cap off, did you know that?"

I turned my head downward with a raised eyebrow and she chuckled at the look on my face. "What about when I'm in the med-bay?"

"Still have your cap on," she informed me with a small grin, "I think Doctor Chakwas makes sure people don't see you without it."

I grinned and nodded to myself before staring up at dark bamboo ceiling. "Yeah, that sounds like Karin."

"First name basis?"

I nodded with my smile widening. "Yep, she's been my physician for ten going on eleven years now. Been stationed on the Normandy for even longer than me. We're pretty close."

She hummed in understanding, and I looked down with a raised eyebrow when I felt her start fiddling with my hair. "Even wearing your cap all day," she commented, "it's still un-tamable."

I laughed and tried to ignore the tingly feeling down my spine at her actions. "Yeah, I know. Trust me, I wore it for two weeks solid without washing it about three years back, hoping that the buildup of grease would stick it down, but when I finally went for a shower and took off my cap it stuck up all over the place just like usual. Ruined a perfectly good cap because of that episode too."

She laughed and shuffled around a bit, and I looked down to see her eyes glinting up at me, filled with amusement. "Yeah… don't do that again."

"I don't plan on it," I said with a smirk, "smelled bloody horrible."

I got another laugh for that, and then a quiet, "Are the bunks really that uncomfortable?"

"Inch thick mattresses," I reminded her, "apparently Cerberus doesn't skimp on the higher-ups."

"Well Miranda and Jacob have their own quarters."

I nodded with a wry grin as I looked down at her again. "Yeah, higher-ups."

She looked troubled for a moment, but then got a look in her eye that made me narrow my own suspiciously. "Well the pilot's really quite important," she explained noncommittally, "and not having him well-rested and in peak condition is a risk to the entire crew."

"And your plan Commander?" I asked warily, and she grinned before pointing across at her couch.

I gave her a deadpan look. "You simply _cannot_ be serious."

She gave me a playful grin and shrugged, "Why not?"

"Do you want a list?"

"Mm-hm," she hummed back with a grin, and I sighed before lifting up my hand in the darkness and beginning to list off the reasons why it wasn't a good idea.

"Okay, fraternisation with the crew."

"I've pretty much _always_ fraternised with the crew, James."

I tried to come up with something against that, but eventually had to concede defeat on that front. "Right, okay, well then… people will realise I'm not sleeping in my bunk, and if Miranda found out I was sleeping in here then all hell would break loose."

"Last time I checked it wasn't any of her business," Erin told me, and I gave a hollow chuckle and looked down in near-disbelief.

"And since when has that stopped her? Need I remind you of all the bugs?"

"Well what's she going to do? Lecture me?"

"Well what about the crew? If they see favouritism then they'll get all pissy."

"And what are _they_ going to do?"

"Lower their performance, disobey orders, drop morale, be uncooperative… shall I go on?"

"It's not favouritism," she argued, "you're my friend. You and Chakwas are the two that have been with me for the longest, and that deserves a few concessions."

"Like _sleeping with the Commander_?"

Her eyebrows rose. "Well you're not _sleeping _sleeping with me; you're just sharing my quarters."

"And you think they're all going to believe that? I mean come on, could you imagine the aftermath if _Garrus _found out? God, neither of us would hear the end of it."

She stared at me for several very long seconds before posing a series of questions that I immediately knew where they were going. "Do you care about his opinion?"

"Well no, but-"

"And do you care about the crew's opinions?"

"No, but-"

"Do you care about Miranda's opinion?"

I felt my eyes widen and I shook my head, "Hell no, but-"

"Well then it's decided; you're sleeping on the couch from now on." I just got shut down by the Commander. Damn it. I sighed my defeat and got a sly smile in return, and I could swear that there was a hint of a purr in her voice. "Of course you've earned your sleep on the bed for today." I really had to force myself not to blush at that, because that was a blatant flirt – not that I didn't like it, but I actually, in all honesty, just wanted to sleep right at that moment.

"Mm-hm," I nodded as I closed my eyes again, but I stiffened when she spoke again; that teasing tone in her voice.

"I know you don't sleep like this."

"Do I even want to know how _you_ know that?"

"I just walked into the sleeping quarters once and saw you sleeping. You sleep on your side with one arm under your pillow and your head on top of that, and your other arm hugging as much of the pillow that's left."

This time I really did blush; apparently Jeff and I shared that sleeping habit. Of course back where I came from I had a tri-pillow to help with that, but we _were_ on a military vessel here. "So?"

"So get to it." Her voice cracked near the end and I raised an eyebrow, surprised when I looked down and saw her cheeks looking a little darker than usual.

"Erm… right." I had to think for a moment about what I was going to do. I could turn on my side so my back was to her, but for some reason I had the gut feeling that that wasn't what she'd meant by 'get to it'. I was also heading into dangerous, unchartered waters with the whole situation – because so far as I knew Shepard had never been romantically involved with anybody, and neither had I. It seemed odd that such a stunning thirty year-old soldier wouldn't have ever been intimate with anybody, but when you took in who Shepard was it kind of fit. So I was left with a dilemma: turn on my back and risk making her feel rejected, or turn towards her and spoon to her back – thus throwing my cards down on the table and letting her know that I was not at all unreceptive to her tentative advances.

I had to admit that for a moment I was leaning to the former choice, but then I stopped myself and really thought about my situation – not just with Shepard, but in general. Back in my 'first' life I was an pretty dull personality; a twenty one year-old university student whose life was boring and mundane. In this life I was the best human pilot, and probably one of the best pilots in the galaxy full-stop. I was twenty eight years old here, but leaps in technology meant that I really wasn't losing years off my life in the transition, because humans now lived to around one hundred and fifty. I had the chance to make the most of my life now; to actually live to the fullest.

And nobody ever gained anything without risking anything.

Shepard moved off my shoulder when I shuffled around and got under the covers, and I watched out the corner of my eye as she shucked off her hoodie, leaving her in just her white singlet and jeans. The slight orange glow from her cybernetic scars that were still healing burned in the darkness, and when she caught my staring she lowered her head, ashamed and embarrassed. "I could change them if you'd like."

I said that as much to offer aid as to give me more time to psych myself up for what I was going to decide, and she looked up at me with a confused expression. I pointed to her face and shrugged, "The colour of the glow. It's pretty much the same as changing the colour of an Omni-tool." I brought up my crystal blue interface over my left arm and she gasped. I smiled at her and cocked my head to the side. "I'm guessing you like it?"

She nodded as he peered at it, and as she brought her face closer she would have noticed the other additions I'd made to it. The interface had a gloss finish through the use of miniature cameras and virtual synthesis, so it looked more like a plate of luminescent glass over my arm than a hologram. Within the glass virtual sea-monkeys floated and swum around, and I grinned as a bright, child-like smile broke out onto her face. "It's beautiful…"

"It's not hard to do. I can mod yours later if you'd like." She nodded her head furiously, and I chuckled before raising my eyebrow. "So do you want me to modify your cybernetics?"

She nearly looked away again to hide her scars from me, but paused when she realised that I was genuinely asking her whether she wanted me to or not instead of bringing attention to them. "Erm… is it dangerous?"

I shook my head and smiled, "Not really. The reason they're glowing orange is to do with energy levels and how they affect electrons within the atoms, and the photons they emit when they drop back to a lower electron orbital. If I adjust their power input slightly I should be able to change the colour to anything on the visible spectrum."

"And what about infrared? Or gamma? Could you change it to those wavelengths?"

"No," I shook my head, "I wouldn't want to risk changing the power output that much."

She nodded, thinking for several moments, before looking at me and then down at my Omni-tool. "I quite like that colour."

I smiled, having suspected she'd say that, and nodded before realising what I'd have to do to adjust the power output and blushing. "Ah… I'm going to have to put my hand on your sternum to get the necessary connection to your implant control unit."

She blushed as well, but after a moment nodded sharply. She had the benefit of having a 'switch off emotion' mode from having to do all the things she'd done in her life. I, unfortunately, hadn't managed the same feat yet. She pulled down the neck-line of her singlet to expose a fair amount of her cleavage, and I noted silently that she apparently liked black lace. When I placed my hand in the valley between her breasts however, we both jerked at the contact. Me, because I was pretty much feeling breasts for the first time in my life, and Shepard because she was likely feeling somebody _feeling_ her breasts for the first time in her life. I had to shuffle my hand back and forth a couple of times to move her breasts away from her sternum to give me enough contact, and felt her entire body heat up with her blush. God her breasts were just so unbelievably soft!

I had to force myself to stop focusing on the feel of her body and get on with the job at hand – pun very much intended – and tapped away at my Omni-tool that was trying to hack its way into the very workings of her implants. After nearly two very silent minutes, with Shepard's blush increasing every second and my mind constantly analysing and memorising the feel of her, I gained access and breathed a deep sigh of relief now that I had something to talk about other than, "Did you know you have the most amazing feeling breasts?"

"See this?" I pointed to the console now hovering over my left arm with my free hand, and she cleared her throat before nodding and giving it her attention, also, judging by the look of relief on her face, happy to have something to distract her from where my hand was. "Well this is the control console for your cybernetics. Your body's putting out a fluctuating ninety five watts of energy, and your cybernetics use a base thirty one watts of that, fluctuating with activity. That's putting the wavelength of your cybernetics at about 600 nanometres to 750; the orange-red range of the spectrum. So if I bring the wattage up to thirty four watts on a flux point," I tapped away for a few moments as I accessed the guts of the running programs, "then we should have… voila!"

I watched as, in front of my very eyes, the orange glow dissipated to leave a calming blue. "Something in the 450 to 490 nanometre wavelength." She moved to get up, but I stopped her by pressing down on her chest, making her blush again. "Just a mo, let me just optimise these processes a bit and then you can go and see how pretty you look." I felt heat surge under my palm and stifled my small smirk.

I stopped dead when I discovered a low-level process running, and Shepard obviously felt my anger. I wasn't surprised; I was almost shaking with rage. "James?"

"There's a virus in your control module," I ground out, and felt her tense beside me. She watched as I navigated the code, and I growled when I got the general gist of what it was telling me it did. "The code is heavily encrypted, but the processes it's connected to suggest it'll disrupt the energy supply to your cybernetics when it receives a certain signal." I looked across at her and knew she was thinking the exact same as I was when I saw the murder in her eyes.

"The Illusive Man."

I nodded, confirming her suspicions. "I would guess so. Fortunately that seems to be the worst of it; a switch to lower your combat efficiency." As she simmered with anger I ran numerous scans on the other processes running, as well as those sitting stagnant in memory, and then cleaned out all the 'contingency' programs Cerberus had installed. When I found the 'bleeder' program I realised that Shepard hadn't been running at top-notch since her resurrection. The program sucked up more energy from her body than needed and then expelled it through heat, simply so that she wore out faster. After getting rid of it and running a benchmark I realised that even with me lowering the wattage of her implants she would be performing nearly ten percent better using less energy, and without that creepy orange glow.

I commentated my findings as I worked, and finally, after nearly half an hour, set my personal encryption program to work on her implants before retrieving my hand. It suddenly felt awfully cold without my skin sandwiched between her breasts, but I wasn't about to say that to her face. "I've encrypted the local file system, and all external inputs have been disabled unless yours, my, or Karin's biometrics check out as the ones working on it."

She nodded, a look of immense relief on her face, and I smiled before rolling out of bed and smiling as I pointed to her bathroom. She jumped out of the sheets and ran past me, throwing over her shoulder, "So very forward, James," with a smirk as she entered the bathroom. When I reached the door I leaned against the frame and watched as Shepard stared at herself in the mirror; tentatively poking at the blue lines of light with a small smile on her lips. "It's so much better than that orange," she commented quietly, "it doesn't look so…"

"Malicious?" I supplied, and turned to me, nodding happily.

"Yeah." She looked at herself for several more moments before turning to me and giving me a firm hug, and I smiled before wrapping my arms around her back, rubbing the tense muscles in her shoulders absentmindedly. "Thank you."

I smiled and then led her by the hand back to the bed, before pulling her none too gently with me. She laughed out loud; that real, genuinely happy laughter that hints at not a care in the galaxy, and I picked up my hat from the floor and placed it on the bedside table before lying down and shuffling around under the covers. "No need to thank me," I said as I shoved my right arm underneath the pillow, "it's what friends do."

"No friend has ever done quite as much for me as you have." I heard the slight bitterness in her tone, but quickly halted that in its tracks by shuffling over and wrapping my free arm around her waist; my hand coming to rest on the warm fabric covering her toned stomach.

She stiffened, and I raised an eyebrow. "Don't even bother stammering a rebuttal; you wanted this just as much as I did. Now shut up and forget about what others have and haven't done, because you owe me a decent sleep on this bloody magical bed."

I felt her chuckle, and as we slowly stilled the hologram above sensed the want to sleep and calmed the waves until it was just the low gurgling of water against the beach with the occasional, light chirp of birdsong. I felt her hand come to rest over mine on her stomach before squeezing and then intertwining with my fingers, and smiled into her hair before relaxing completely and allowing the sounds of the waves and the feel of Erin's breathing to lull me to sleep.

I had no qualms that the sleep I was about to have was going to be the best I'd ever had.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up feeling like a million bucks. Of course in this particular case a million bucks was synonymous with having a very beautiful and peaceful Commander Erin Shepard lying pretty much on top of me. Sometime during the night she'd apparently decided to use me as an over-sized teddy bear. I was more than happy to offer my services. God she just looked so adorable asleep. The illusion above was slowly lightening, and with a sudden shimmer the bamboo ceiling disappeared to show the dawn rays filtering down through the palm leaves above. Its beauty paled in comparison to the woman on my chest, and I don't mean to sound cliche. Her crimson hair hid most of her face from my eyes, but the rest of her body was on show as she'd kicked of the covers at some point.

She was a mortal goddess. Really. And she was half on top of me, and stirring. I felt her chest inflate as she took in a deep sigh, and she grumbled incoherently for a moment before opening those enrapturing eyes, which quickly turned shocked as she jerked upwards, flailed for a moment, and then fell off the bed with a, "Whoapsie!" that had me laughing my ass off as she took most of the sheets along with her.

She groaned as she sat up and rubbed her eyes, and gave me a mock glare as she struggled not to smile. "Not used to handsome men being in your bed Erin?"

She suddenly started looking around with wide eyes, "Where?" Okay, I was kind of asking for that, and her sly grin at me after a moment was proof enough that she was just teasing. At least I hoped she was.

"Well good morning to you too sunshine," I said back with a sniff, and she chuckled before standing up and stretching, groaning as her spine popped a couple of times.

"Mm-hm, morning. Funny thing," she said with a jerk of her thumb upwards, "it actually _feels_ like it's morning for once."

She wasn't half lying. The 'sunshine' beaming down from above created something that was usually impossible in space. Even just seeing it made me feel more awake. I finally forced myself to stand up as well and yawned as I stretched, and Shepard hunted around for where she'd thrown her shirt the previous…night. "Time?"

Shepard made to look at her Omni-tool, but the hologram above provided the answer with a pleasant, feminine, "It is five ante meridian ship-time, Mister White."

"Something you forgot to mention?" Shepard asked as she slipped on her wayward hoodie and I shrugged.

"You can set alarms through voice commands, as well as a few other things. The manual's on your Omni-tool in any case, so you might want to peruse through that at some point." I caught my own hoodie that she'd thrown at me and yawned again as I rubbed the sandmen out of my eyes. "So Mordin today then?"

"Yup," she confirmed as she headed into the bathroom, the door hissing closed behind her, and I took the seat at her desk so I could speak to her through the wall.

"Well trust me when I say that you're going to have a lot of resistance heading for Mordin. That, and he'll be… rather quickly spoken."

There was a small silence save the hiss of the shower, and then I heard a curious, "Oh? And how do you know this?"

"Hacked the Omega registry. Aria keeps logs on pretty much everybody that lives or works on Omega."

"Ah. Anything else I should know?"

"Um…" I scratched at my chin for a couple of seconds as I scoured my mind for details, "not really."

Her response of, "Mm-hm," sounded a little disbelieving.

"I'm serious, nothing else I can think of. Oh, actually there is something."

"What's that?"

I stared at the door and raised an eyebrow. "Does me living on the couch give me access to your shower?"

Another small silence, and then a humoured, "Not when I'm in here it bloody doesn't."

Cheeky girl.

After she got out freshly washed I hopped into the first hot shower for nearly a month and enjoyed it even if it was only ten minutes long. I got a small eep when I walked out of the bathroom with just a towel around my waist, and looked at Shepard with a raised eyebrow. "What?" Oh I knew precisely _what_ if her huge blush and scouring eyes meant anything, but I was just going to feign ignorance and innocence.

"You, erm, no shirt?"

I looked down and then looked up, plastering a confused look on my face. "Yeah? So?"

"Um," she was really floundering now, and her flushed face and furtive glances told me that she couldn't make up her mind of whether to look away in embarrassment or look on in appreciation. It was quite the boost to my already-inflated ego. I finally shrugged and grabbed my clothes from the bench before walking out into the cooler and less humid bedroom, 'accidentally' brushing Erin's arm as I walked past, getting a sharp intake of breath in return.

I smirked, but stifled it before I turned back around, and pulled on my singlet; an action which was met with a small sigh of relief as I sat down on the bed to cool down after the scalding hot shower. "Sorry, did that make you uncomfortable?" I asked as if realising it for the first time, and had to force myself not to scoff when she said, "No, um, not at all."

"Oh good. Ah, before we head on down for brekkie do you want to mod your Omni-tool?"

Her embarrassment was replaced immediately by child-like excitement and she bounded over to the bed and sat down beside me before holding out her right wrist. I shook my head with a grin at her enthusiasm and then helped her clear out her Omni-tool, once again filled with some Cerberus crap-ware, and then change its wavelength and modify it to look like glass. She chose a deep, royal purple that was certainly easier on the eyes than the brilliant orange that seemed to be the norm, and took tadpoles over my sea-monkeys citing the reason for that being that she'd had a pond of them back when she lived on Mindoir and it reminded her of her childhood.

I wasn't about to try and change her mind; that brilliant, care-free, and innocent smile on her face and glint in her eyes made everything worthwhile. As a parting gift I transferred two hundred thousand credits into her chit, but unfortunately for me it didn't go unnoticed. I was slipping on my shoes when I got a, "Ah, James… why is there a couple of hundred thousand credits on my Omni-tool?"

"I stole it from Harrot's Emporium on Omega," I assured her, "so don't think of it as charity. Think of is as… a donation from criminals to help us save the galaxy."

I got a raised eyebrow in return, but I could tell that she both approved of my actions and appreciated the extra capital. We headed into the elevator together, and while Shepard moved to the mess I begged off to go and see Garrus in the med-bay. My declaration changed Erin's mind and she accompanied me into the wing. I smiled when I saw Garrus lying on one of those abnormally uncomfortable beds with his face still wrapped in gauze. "How's he going Karin?"

Chakwas turned to me, a little surprised to see me and the Commander together, but consulted her data-pad anyway. "Well he took extensive damage to the right side of his face, and he'll likely never regrow the plating there. I corrected the majority of the damage with cybernetics, so he should make a full _functional_ recovery – though not an aesthetic one."

I looked over to Garrus and noticed that he was just pretending to be asleep, and leaned across to Shepard, raising my hand over my mouth and extremely loudly whispering, "She means that he'll be uglier than ever Erin."

A coarse chuckle and then groan met my comment and I grinned as I walked over to Garrus' side so that he could see me. "Damn it Joker, don't make me laugh."

I shrugged and grinned down at him, punching his shoulder gently. "Ah, slap some face-paint on there and you'll look as good as new." I was paraphrasing what Shepard said in-game, and when I looked across at the woman herself she looked shocked. Apparently I stole the words right out of her mouth.

Garrus' lips curved into a smile, but he soon dropped it with a wince. "Ow."

Chakwas pushed in beside me and looked down at the injured Turian and crossed her arms. "I thought I told you last time that I never wanted to see you in here again."

Garrus looked properly contrite, and didn't even complain when she ran a battery of tests on him. I was subtly providing a number of whip-cracks off of my Omni-tool, and getting increasingly more irritated looks from Garrus until his hand shot out and slammed into my ribs. I danced away laughing despite the ache from the punch, and he suddenly looked like he was having an aneurysm. "Joker… your bones…"

I looked down and back to him a couple of times before it clicked, and I laughed before shaking my head and walking back over to him. "No problem Garrus, that's all taken care of now. Just ask Erin; I put the beat down on her a few weeks ago, and Jack the crazy biotic the day before last." I frowned. "Which reminds me, I need to go and apologise to her."

Erin raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, and there was the almost-patented Shepard Stance again. "You think that's a good idea James? She was bloody furious until Chakwas sedated her, and she was already blacking out."

"Well I beat her once, the way I see it if I did it when clouded with anger I'll be able to easily manage the same feat when I'm calm."

"Who is this Jack?" Garrus asked as Chakwas interfaced with his new cybernetics and ran tests.

"Two words," I told him, "crazy biotic. Seriously, she is one mean, mean woman. I wouldn't piss her off if I were you."

Garrus' mandibles twitched when Shepard shook her head and put a hand to her face. "I'm guessing you know that by personal experience?"

"Called her a scrawny pussy. She tried to kill me."

"Ah. I'll keep that in mind then."

I nodded my agreement and then turned to Erin, thinking for a moment before pulling her out of earshot of the good Doctor and Garrus. "Just before I head off to go and make apologies are you sure about me sharing your quarters? I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything."

She stared at me with a smile and shook her head. "No, I don't mind at all. If the whole hologram thing is anything to go by then you like peace and quiet just as much as I do, so I don't think we'll have conflicts over that. Besides, having some intelligent conversation before bed is something I think I'll look forward to."

I smiled and quickly pulled up my Omni-tool, eliciting dual gasps from behind me, and when Shepard bought up hers those gasps repeated. I ignored them for a moment and instead transferred the encryption key of my most complex cypher to Erin's Omni-tool. "When I move some of my stuff up I'll hack the door and make it so that even a geth'd take ten minutes to hack it, so that's the access codes."

She nodded with an understanding smile before giving me a quick hug and turning around, and I caught dual stares of shock from Garrus and Karin – to which I gave a lazy two-fingered salute and left the explanations to Erin. I dropped by Gardner to grab a couple of plates of food before heading to the elevator, and then kicked the button for the Engineering Deck. I made a mental note to finally get around to hacking the speed mechanism of the damn metal box as I stepped out onto the grated floor, and then made liberal use of my arse to hit the open button for the door leading to the stairs that headed downward. When I reached the bottom I placed the plates on the bottom step, a strategic decision, and then walked into the gloomy den proper.

"Jack?"

I peeked around the corner and saw her lying on her back on the cot, looking upwards at a data-pad, and she turned her eyes towards me before grunting and then turning her attention back to her reading material. I assumed that it was Cerberus' dirt. "What do you want?"

Ducking back to the stairs quite confused I grabbed the plates and walked back into the space where Jack was. "Brought you breakfast – kind of a belated and insufficient apology for smashing your nose in for no reason."

She snorted and rubbed at her nose for a moment before finally abandoning her data and sitting up, taking the offered plate out of my hand and resting it on her lap. Hell, she wasn't even bothering to insult me – or even be hostile. She bit into the slimy morsel she had picked up and her lips twisted. "What the fuck is this shit?"

"Well," I said as I sat down on a crate opposite and poked at the grey mess with a piece of toast, "Gardner said that it was something called the Goulash Special. To be quite frank I think he just pulled the name out of his arse and threw in some alien tentacles, some off butter and milk, and perhaps some dehydrated vegetables." I got a snort of amusement at that, and winced as I took my first bite. It felt like it actually slithered down my throat, and I coughed before wishing I'd brought a drink-

I snatched the bottle out of mid-air on reflex alone, and nodded my thanks when I saw that it was some synthetic apple juice. "Cheers."

"Not really, it still tastes like ass."

I grinned and nodded before taking a huge bite, swallowing it without chewing, and the washing it back with the drink she'd thrown at me. "If you don't mind me asking, why aren't you trying to vaporise me right about now?"

"Are you a biotic?" I didn't see the relevance but shook my head anyways, and she nodded and tipped her bread to the side in a sort of 'well there you go' motion. "Right, and you still kicked my ass, as much as I hate to admit it. If you can kick _my_ ass and take the beating I shelled out then you're someone who I can respect."

"Oh. Sweet." This was going far better than expected. Compliment time just to make sure, however. "Well if it's any consolation that punch you threw at the end there was just _killer_."

She laughed, that dangerous smirk lighting up her face, and nodded. "I hear that." For the next half an hour we made small talk and discussed fighting tactics, and I ended up modding her Omni-tool after much winging, though only to a deep, bloody red. My more extreme enhancements I'd keep for close friends. She thanked me for the food as I took her plate, and before I retreated I left a small comment in my wake. "Oh, you might want to check out Cerberus' files on a planet called Pragia… as well as an operation or facility called Telton."

She narrowed her eyes but nodded as I retreated, and I headed back up to the crew deck once more, getting some surprised looks that I was uninjured and still in once piece. It was pretty clear that the rumours had spread that I was going to try and apologise to the woman I'd slammed – the crazy biotic down in Engineering. Coming back in one piece, and completely unscathed, had apparently been something of a tiny odd if all the groans and credits being passed to a smirking Shepard was anything to go by. I sat down opposite her after handing Gardner the empty plates and she grinned as the crew cleared off muttering about insider trading. "Thought I'd make a credit or two."

"Because two hundred thousand just isn't enough," I shot back, and she raised an eyebrow.

"Well not if I'm going to buy the specialist team all non-Cerberus gear."

"Oh?" I asked, quite liking the sound of that, and she grinned before explaining her plan. The way she saw it she wasn't retaining a salary from Cerberus, and so she was at the very most an independent contractor – just like the rest of the specialist team that she was recruiting. Cerberus personnel had dress regulations. It just so happened that she wasn't an employee of Cerberus. When I informed her that technically I wasn't either she almost hugged me right in the middle of the Mess Hall, which was something I'd rather avoid at the moment.

An hour later and I was back in the cockpit making adjustments to the ship with the help of EDI as Shepard, Miranda, and Jacob went to get Mordin. I was wondering just what the hell I was going to do for the next few hours to keep myself amused when Garrus made an appearance. "Geez, did Karin let you out? You look like shit."

"Thanks," the Turian threw back dryly, "you're such a wonderful human."

"At least I don't look like a macabre real-life exhibition of Picasso's cubism era." Garrus cocked his head to the side, confused, but breathed out a depressed sigh when I brought up 'Femme en pleurs' and narrated, "A.K.A. your face looks like it was rearranged with a missile."

"Look, I was actually coming up here to ask for your opinion on something."

He sounded loathe to admit that to me, and I had to force back an absurd urge to gloat. "Oh?"

He nodded and leaned against the hull. "I asked around and found out that you seem to have been hiding a talent in engineering."

My eyebrow rose a little, "Oh? And who was the little birdie?" I got another confused look and waved my hand. "Human saying. Means who told you?"

"Oh you know, just heard it around."

I shot him my best deadpan look. "Really helpful Garrus, you're the god of observation, aren't you?"

He ignored my snarky comment which irritated me more than a little. "I was doing some calibrations on the main gun-"

"Oh no you are _not_ doing that." He stared at me, flabbergasted, and I pointed at him while waggling my finger. "You are _not_ calibrating jack _shit_! Find something better to do with your time!"

"But I'm good with calibrations-"

"Oh trust me," I scoffed, "I know _just_ how good you are with _calibrations_, Garrus. The only way you're getting my help is if you promise that calibrations come _last_. If somebody wants to have a chat with you, you can't blow them off saying, 'well actually I'm a little busy with some calibrations at the moment', or something similar. Calibrations, Garrus, as much as you might think otherwise, are not all there is to life." He stared at me, wide-eyed, but then nodded after a moment whereupon I proceeded to call him on his bullshit and ream him out in an attempt to re-educate him about the finer points of life, like annoying xenophobic crew members, signing Miranda up for dating sites, and playing hide-and-seek… which was what led to the scene three hours later.

The Cerberus crew members were all looking at Garrus like he was crazy as he stalked the Cargo Bay yelling out, "Come out come out wherever you are!" and I was struggling to not burst into giggles as I hung upside down from the girders above him in the shadows. He'd been searching for me for nearly three hours. I'd volunteered to be 'it' first, but had found him within ten minutes hiding behind the main guns. I was very disappointed, and loudly berated him for his predictability before hiding myself.

Garrus was a man on a mission, because for the entire time he'd been hunting me I'd been ghosting him and sending weak overloads at his unshielded Turian arse, which made him yelp like a teenage human girl. He'd been muttering furiously about how his Archangel reputation was taking a battering for the past hour. He was, understandably, not happy with me. I liked to think I was preparing him for facing Kai Leng, the slimy little bastard.

"Garrus?" We both turned our heads to look at the source of the voice, and I grinned when I saw Shepard sending him an odd expression – one questioning his sanity. "Um, have you seen James?"

"That slimy little bastard?!" I resented that! "I've been looking for him for nearly three hours! Three hours! And he keeps on electrocuting me!"

I watched as Erin slapped a hand to her face and groaned, and had to stifle a laugh and the look on her face when she next looked up. "Garrus, what did you do?"

"Well he said that hide and seek was fun-"

"You… you're playing hide and seek?"

"Yeah!" Garrus replied angrily, seemingly missing the appalled tone to Shepard's voice, "And he found me in ten minutes flat! I mean how did he do that?!"

"You were in the main battery, weren't you?"

Garrus gaped at her, but then narrowed his eyes. "You've seen him, ooooooohhhh! That _sneaky_ little _quj't'zi_!" Oooh, that sounded rather violent. "Where is he? Tell me where he is and I'll wring his neck- GODDAMN IT!" I snickered from my hiding spot as another overload made him spasm, and saw Shepard's eyes turned towards me before she sighed and shook her head in exasperation.

"Honestly, you two are like _children_!"

Giving in I dropped from the ceiling and winced as the ground shock rocketed up my legs. "I resent that!"

Unfortunately as soon as my voice sounded out Shepard didn't have time to get a word in edge-wise, because Garrus was on a warpath. He came at me with his arms outstretched and a roar of frustration, and then promptly found himself flying over my head as I rolled onto my back, grabbed his arms, and used my legs to flip him over. I was surprised at just how light he was even with armour, and also at just how fast he got back up. I guessed that was the benefit of having a rock-solid exoskeleton. His next attack had him falling over himself, and after nearly a minute I got fed up and used one of the moves Erin and I had developed to deal with overly aggressive Turians.

"It works well," I commented over the incoherent yells of the furious Turian who I had pinned, and Shepard sighed again before pointing at me. "You, in my office… room, now."

I nodded and she walked away, and I eventually slapped my hand over Garrus' mouth to stop him from spouting off Turian insults at me. "Now there was a reason I did what I did, Garrus. Every single time I used overload on you I could have killed you if I'd had a sword, and I've ordered one that I'll get the next time we're at the Citadel." He stopped struggling and I saw him looking curiously at me out the side of his eye. When I let him go and rolled off of him I offered him a hand up and he sighed before nodding and taking it.

"Fine, you win. What was the point though?"

"To show you that stealth does have a place. I've watched the vids from Erin's missions, and read about your general MOE. You're both too… hasty. I mean, I understand that a lot of the time you don't have a lot of time, so you need to get places fast, but rather than going in all guns blazing assassination techniques can be a real boon… or even bypassing enemies altogether. I've ordered twenty top-of-the-range katana for the specialist team, and I've contracted a master swordsman back on Earth to make a VI to help us learn to use them."

We started walking towards the elevator and Garrus looked over at me, confused. "So you're part of the specialist team?"

I frowned. "In a manner of speaking I suppose. My place will always be on the ship in case Shepard needs a quick extraction or something, but I'm combat-able. I suppose I am a specialist really. I'm not an employee of Cerberus, and I specialise in hand-to-hand combat, engineering, and piloting. I'm a part of _Shepard's_ crew, not Cerberus'." Garrus stared me down for a moment before nodding respectfully, and he hopped off at the Crew Deck before wishing me good luck.

When I emerged onto the small foyer before Shepard's, and I suppose my, quarters I saw her struggling to carry some plastic boxes into her room and quickly moved to help her. She nodded her thanks as we moved all of them to the base of her bed, and she locked her door when we were done before collapsing back onto the couch, and then groaning as she forced herself back onto her feet. "Do you mind if I have a shower before we talk? I smell of sweat and blood and smoke."

I waved my hand airily and pointed to some boxes beside me. "I'll start unpacking my stuff then. Are there some free drawers?"

"Under the couch," she told me as she started detaching her armour, "I cleared it out for you before I left to get Mordin."

"Huh, thanks."

"No problem… ahhhh," she groaned in relief as she lifted off the torso armour revealing a slightly bloody and charred white singlet underneath; soaked so thoroughly through with sweat that I could clearly see the black sports bra underneath. She wasn't embarrassed because it wasn't a 'proper' bra, and I started unpacking my clothes from the boxes and placing them in my new drawers. When I got through my causal clothes and was about to start on my Cerberus uniforms Erin cleared her throat, and I turned to her. She had half of her left leg armour off, revealing some skin-tight black shorts underneath, and pointed to one of the seven boxes I'd helped her carry in. "That's for you."

I pointed to the one on the top right and she nodded, and I opened it to find several jet-black ballistic-weave hoodies, and an assortment of pants, shorts, shirts, singlets, t-shirts; the latter three with variations coloured black, grey, and white in equal amounts. They too were made out of ballistic weave which was light, comfortable, and damn durable. I unfolded one of the hoodies and smiled when I saw the word 'Joker' on the lower back in capitalised white lettering. Turning it around to the front revealed small yin-yang symbol that had been designed to appear digitalised and fragmented in a vibrant, glowing blue that contrasted fantastically against the black. I assumed the luminescence was provided by the same tech as an Omni-tool.

It was when I really dug down to the bottom of the box that I found my favourite item in the whole package. The cap was deeper than my Cerberus SR-2 one, styled off the old Alliance cap I'd been missing ever since my wings had been taken, and I was actually touched that Erin had remembered just how much I liked that particular design. It too had the yin-yang design on the front, also glowing slightly, and I grinned before throwing my SR-2 cap off and sticking the new one on my head. I actually sighed at the familiar feel and the sight of the rim in my eyesight, and got a laugh from the still-watching Shepard. "It's great," said to her with a smile, "it's all great. I assume this is what you meant by the specialists having their own uniform?"

She shrugged and nodded, seeming pleased that I liked it so much. "Yeah. I decided on the yin-yang design because it represents unity, and that's the only way in hell we're going to beat the Reapers and the Collectors."

"I hear you there," I muttered as I looked over the other boxes. "Just a little something," I said after a moment, "I have a feeling that Miranda isn't going to wear your outfit."

"Her loss then," she tossed over her shoulder as she grabbed some fresh clothes from her own box and retreated into the bathroom, "they're damn sight more comfortable and modest than her current casual and battle-wear. And besides, I didn't get one for her. The last one's for Doctor Chakwas."

I didn't even bother hiding my laughter at her rather blatant 'slutty' comment. By the time she came back out I had on a white t-shirt, a pair of the black pants, and my new hoodie unzipped. The cap, of course, was a given. And I thought my dark blue and black sneakers tied in quite well with the overall outfit. "There are some combat sim-leather shoes for you in the other box," she added when she saw my footwear, and when I opened the box she was pointing to and dredged out the pair with my name hanging off on a label I realised that I preferred them much more, so my sneakers got put in my drawer and I sunk into the new shoes with a grin and a sigh of comfort. Looking at my reflection in the glass of the fish tank I realised that all in the entire outfit gave of a smart-casual look that I quite liked. My beard, however, had to go if I was going to pull it off all the way.

I retreated into the bathroom much to the confusion of Erin, and then several minutes later popped back out clean shaven thanks to the use of the Laz0r-Shave 550 I'd managed to smuggle onto the ship... a.k.a... liberated from a stuck up, xenophobic Cerberus flunkie. "You look good." I turned around and smiled, and then tried not to stare, specifically at how her form-fitting white shirt made her bust quite defined.

"Thanks. So do you… in fact you look bloody brilliant." I got a cute but pleased blush for that compliment and turned back to the glass as I run my hand over my smooth skin. It felt weird to not have facial hair.

So on my mental checklist we were getting there. Cool new outfits and a proper bloody cap: check. Cool ninja swords on the way: check. Surgical enhancement… kind of checked, because I still had to get the heavy skin weave done. Cerberus bugs gone, and Shepard free of their stealthy influence: check. And a romantic relationship with the most beautiful woman in the galaxy… slowly, very slowly, but wonderfully, check.

When she slipped her own hoodie on and turned around I smirked when I saw, 'The Great Commander Shepard' emblazoned where mine said 'Joker'. "Modest much?"

She turned her head over her shoulder as she put the rest of her new clothes in her drawers and threw the Cerberus issue onto the floor. With a shrug and teasing smile she answered me. "Well it's what I've been called, so I might as well embrace the mystique."

"Well just don't wear that around that bitch Khalisah al-Jilani; she'll tear you a new one."

She paused for a second before nodding in complete agreement. "Point." She finished off her folding and then picked up the rather bulky pile of Cerberus clothes, and raised an eyebrow at me. I answered it with a conspiratorial eyebrow of my own and grabbed all my Cerberus uniforms before following her to the elevator. She kicked the button for the Engineering deck and peered at me over the top of the pile of clothes in her arms; only her emerald eyes visible. "So how did your apology to Jack go?"

I snorted and gave a small grin. "What apology? She told me that not many people have the balls to dare fight her without being a biotic themselves, so I got her respect. We talked fighting tactics for a while as we ate, and that was that."

Both her eyebrows were underneath her fringe at that explanation. "Wow… that's… not what I was expecting."

"You're not the only one."

We finally stumbled into the trash disposal room and dumped our Cerberus issue clothing onto the conveyor line. Shepard punched the button on the wall and we watched it slowly chug along to the miniature air-lock. I quickly brought up Chopin's Funeral March on my Omni-tool, and the moment Erin realised what it was she burst out laughing, talking me along with her. We were giggling like mad as the clothes piles were compacted, but then snapped identical mock-salutes as it entered the air-lock, and with a hiss was ejected out into space… only to dissolve into laughter again. It took us quite some time to get ourselves back in order, but even after getting our breaths back our trip to the Crew Deck was filled with random chuckles.

When we stepped out and walked around into the mess there was a sudden wave of silence as people took in our appearances. We finally reached Gardner's bench, and the man himself stared at us with a confused expression. "Dress-up day?"

"Sick of not being an employee of Cerberus and yet being forced to conform to their dress code," I fired back, "now what's for lunch?" When he pointed to a red sludge I felt my eyebrows rise unbidden. "Did you just throw some red food colouring in the breakfast?"

He stared at me for a moment before cracking a grin. "I added some tomato sauce. If I had some better supplies then I'd be able to treat the crew to good meals. I do the best with what I've got, but I stand by the saying 'you can polish a turd but it's still a turd'."

I looked to Shepard with a raised eyebrow and she nodded with a small smile before turning back to Gardner. "Next time we dock at the Citadel don't use any of your budget to purchase Miranda's steaks – buy some proper supplies for the crew. And that's an order Mess Sergeant Gardner."

The balding chef grinned and snapped off a sharp salute. "Aye aye Commander."

She smiled before picking up the spoon and dishing some of the unidentifiable sludge into a bowl, and waited for me to dish up before sitting at the free end of one of the tables. I sat opposite, after grabbing us both a large glass of strong cordial to wash away the taste of the food, and then proceeded to tell her about my ideas about the swords. "I mean I just don't think you exercise stealth enough," I commented as I held up my hands, "and I mean no disrespect because you're awesome in battle, but I just think that some sneaking around and simply going around the enemy could be beneficial in some situations."

She nodded as she chewed, and seemed to think for a moment. "But with our armour it's hard to be that stealthy."

I nodded my understanding and rubbed my chin. "Right, because you use Heavy Crisis…" I hummed in thought as I chewed, ignoring the rather awful taste. "Well then perhaps you should consider moving down to medium or even light armour. I mean my Light Crisis armour has almost as good shields, and while its damage protection is admittedly half that of the heavy variation its tech protection is almost twice as good. With some tweaking to the algorithms I could bring the shield up to rival the heavy armour, and the added mobility benefits as well as the ability to be more discreet and stealthy would make up for the deficit in damage protection."

She nodded, looking surprised at my reasoning, and took a huge mouthful of juice to wash down her latest mouthful of… whatever it was. I was still convinced it was partially sentient and alive, because I could swear those bits of tentacle were churning around in my gut of their own accord. "When you put it like that the benefits are more than worth it. With light armour it'd take off enough weight to carry some extra ammo or grenades, hell, even an extra side-arm _as well_ as those swords you were talking about, and then on top of that allow for the mobility and stealth needed for more tactical and faster combat."

"Right," I agreed, pleased she was seeing my point, "and by selling the heavy armour and buying light you'd get some more credits as well, which you could spend on – personally I would suggest a top-range backup Omni-tool – as well as weapons upgrades and the like."

"Mmm, yeah." She smiled across at me and swiped a rogue strand of hair behind her ear, "You know you're pretty good at this advisement stuff. Hell, in the mission to get Mordin I even used some of the martial arts you taught me when a couple of Varen got a little too close. With swords… well that'd just be awesome. Completely silent as well as fast."

"Commander?" And there was the voice that I had come to hate. The Australian accent was unmistakable, and her tone sounded like a cross between questioning and anger.

I saw Erin look over my shoulder and didn't bother turning around. I could already imagine the incredulous expression on her face. "Yes Operative Lawson?"

It didn't escape my notice that Erin hadn't ever called Miranda by her first name like she had in the game. "What are you wearing? And you too Mister White!"

Erin looked between herself and me a few times, the mischief in her eyes noticeable to only those that knew her, and then looked to Miranda with a very convincing look of confusion on her face. "Erm… my clothes Operative Lawson?"

"Cerberus regulations," she begun lecturing, "clearly state that all employees must wear Cerberus approved clothing and conform to appearance standards set forth."

Shepard now looked even more confused. "Since when was I an employee of Cerberus?" Miranda spluttered for a moment, and Erin carried on still pretending to be quite confused. "I am working with Cerberus to rid the galaxy of the Collector threat, Operative Lawson. Not once did I agree to enter the employ of Cerberus. I am an… independent contractor. Last time I checked I hadn't signed an employment agreement."

I could almost imagine the flush of anger and embarrassment on Miranda's face as she was outwitted in front of the entire lunch-time rush, and so inevitably she turned to the person who she thought she could win against. "Mister White, you _are_ an employee of Cerberus and therefore must conform to the dress code."

I now had a reason to turn around and look at her, and found my suspicions about her angry flush to be spot on. "Well you see," I said as I finished my mouthful and washed it back, "there are _two _problems with that. Firstly, I jettisoned my Cerberus uniforms out of the airlock the moment Shepard gifted me these new, more comfortable, and more functional clothes." Now Miranda looked almost apoplectic, and I cocked my head innocently to the side. "And secondly, Miss Lawson, when I was offered employment with Cerberus I denied the request. I told the Illusive Man himself that I would work for Shepard and nobody else. Hell, I don't even get paid. All I get are living expenses, a place to sleep, food, and somewhere to clean up. I'm less of an employee than Shepard is… so no, I don't have to abide by the dress code."

I gave a small nod to her before returning to my lunch, and grinned into my glass when I heard her stomp back into her office – probably to bitch and moan to the Illusive Man. Shepard snorted into her juice when a muffled, "ARGH!" came from the closed door, and even a couple of the Cerberus employees looked amused.

So we finished up lunch and Shepard told me she was going to nap for an hour or two, and I headed up to the CIC before making for the cockpit and staring the release procedures. Punching the intercom button I addressed the crew as I pulled out of the docks. "This is your pilot speaking. Our next stop is the Citadel to restock with supplies and pick up another member of the crew, so we'll be docked until we get our next mission. Those of you who wish to pick up your own supplies or simply get some shore leave please make sure you take your Omni-tools with you in case of emergencies. ETA to the Citadel is fifteen galactic hours."

I sat back in my chair and engaged FTL once we were a safe distance from Omega, and smiled as I felt myself fall in tune with the Normandy.

We were on our way again.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well it's only two days 'till Christmas! This'll be the last chapter for a couple of weeks, but it's a long one so hopefully that makes up for it :-)**  
**Have a very merry Christmas and a fantastic New Year... and don't get too drunk off your faces; it's always good to remember the celebrations ;-)**

* * *

Our time on the Citadel had far exceeded my expectations… and not in a good way. That was another thing Bioware got wrong. You couldn't just rock on mission after mission, because there _is_ such a thing as lapses in action in real life. After the second week docked at the Citadel I was getting a little bit stir crazy. I'd stayed on the ship for the most part, training with my new Asari hand-crafted sword, which was awesome by the way. Its name 'Artuhl' was engraved on the sapphire-like crystalline blade, and if I didn't know that the material used to create it was nearly twenty times harder than diamond and yet sixty times as strong as titanium so it wouldn't snap. Not unless you went and cooled it down to zero kelvin and then dropped something like a geth drop-ship on it. If it wasn't that strong then I'd have locked it in a display case and not let anybody near it. It was as much a work of art as it was a weapon of death.

Yeah, the Asari had hit the mother lode when they mined that stuff. The fact that I'd never have to piss around sharpening the damn thing was a bonus as well. Even after two weeks training with the VI I was only just getting used to moving comfortably around with it, and Shepard, Kasumi, and Garrus were faring about the same. I'd invited Jacob down to have a crack but after a couple of sessions he'd lost interest and gone back to his guns and doing crunches. Jack, however, had been the surprising one. She'd taken to her katana like a duck to water, and had actually been giving us four pointers on how to improve after she accepted my vouching for Erin and Garrus. So between the five of us we really had something going. I taught hand-to-hand combat, Jack taught sword-play, Garrus taught sharpshooting, Shepard tutored us all in battlefield tactics, and Kasumi helped out with stealth.

It didn't mean waiting around for a mission wasn't boring though.

So it stood to reason that letting out a whining groan made sense. I knew that by now Shepard would be looking at me from her desk, and I raised my eyes to look at where I knew she was. She was staring at me through the glass, her finger mid-button-press on a data-pad, with that dainty eyebrow raised. "I'm bored," I said by way of an explanation, which translated to 'I haven't got any more plotting to do because I've written up plans and contingencies for all the Mass Effect games… but she didn't need to know that. Yet, at least.

I heard the clatter as she let the pad fall to the desk, and she stretched backwards in her chair, making her shirt ride up and expose that wonderfully toned and creamy pale stomach, and rather cute innie. "Mm-hm, so's most of the crew. Shore leave _can_ be fun, but only after hard work."

"Which we haven't had."

"Which we haven't had," she confirmed with a nod, and then sighed before burying her face in her hands.

And then I had a wonderful idea.

Leaping to my feet I pointed at her with a grin. "You, get two towels and go down to Kasumi and grab a cocktail shaker and some light rum. I'll be back in… half an hour."

"Ah wha-"

Her voice cut off as I bolted out the door and it hissed closed behind me, and after yet another arduous elevator ride that reminded me about the plans to hack it and speed it up I was legging it down the crew deck and into the airlock. The two things I was looking for were surprisingly expensive, though I guess I shouldn't have been surprised as they were the genuine article and not synthetically grown: a litre of coconut cream, and a pack of crushed pineapples. The sunscreen… not so much. I grabbed a couple of extra things as I jogged past an adventure shop and then dashed away to the transport hub.

Running to the nearest cab I punched in the Normandy co-ordinates and hoped that Shepard had managed to snag some rum off Kasumi. And that the little thief hadn't pried her nose into where it wasn't wanted. I had the feeling I was being entirely too optimistic on that front. The moment I entered the Normandy with shopping bag in hand I realised the monumental error of my oversight. "Sooooo…" the master thief purred suggestively as she walked briskly to keep up, "rum? Some…pineapple and coconut cream? And mmmm… sunscreen?"

How she knew what was in my bag without even looking I don't think I'd ever find out. "Is it any of your business?"

"That the pilot is sleeping with the commander?"

I was quite glad we were out of earshot of anybody else as I punched the call button for the elevator and glared at her. "Look, I sleep on the couch. Eri-Shepard and I are working on a couple of things that will hopefully help us out with the Collectors, and she wanted me properly rested so I could put my all into it. Mind out of the gutter Kasumi."

I waved my hand out to the Crew Deck and she gave me a searching look before shrugging and walking out with a knowing smirk. When the doors closed again and I'd done a thermal scan to make sure I was properly alone I cursed the intuitive little brat. Yes Erin and I were getting progressively closer and closer; more comfortable with each other, but I had slept with her _once_, and not in the 'hinting' sense either; it had just been _sleep_. I comforted her after her nightmares and helped her get back to sleep with massages or just running my hands through her hair, which was something that I had taken to doing even if we weren't in that situation, and she reciprocated whenever I didn't have my cap on – something that I only really did around her.

So we were tentatively poking at the edges of a romantic relationship, but I wasn't going to jeopardise that by moving too fast. Sleeping in the same quarters was more than enough for the time being. Coupled with the comfortable hugs we gave each other before bed each night and I was quite content with what we had – even though I pined for more; a solid confirmation of our relationship. When I got to the foyer I did another scan, but then narrowed my eyes, listened carefully, and jabbed my hand out only to feel it collide with something that gave a rather suspicious 'oof'.

"The downside of teaching us about stealth," I drawled as Kasumi crackled back into the visible spectrum, "is that we can begin to find loopholes in your techniques. Now why don't you twaddle off and annoy somebody else?"

Looking like a kicked puppy she retreated to the elevator and gave me googly dog eyes as the doors closed, and I sighed before unlocking the door, heading inside, and then locking it securely behind me again. Shepard was sitting on the chair by the desk with a bottle of rum beside her elbow and a shaker to the left of it. "So what's this all about then?"

"Well I'm getting cabin-fever, and the Citadel, though interesting, is boring," I got a raised eyebrow for that, "so I came up with this." I threw her a pair of sunglasses and grinned. "We're going to have a vacation."

Now both of her eyebrows rose, something of an accomplishment since it took a lot to elicit such a reaction. "A vacation? And how do you propose we do that?"

Pulling up my Omni-tool I accessed the hologram and fiddled with its energy requirements, grinning when my hand, which I'd stuck underneath it, suddenly warmed as if actual sun was beaming down. "By radiating ultra-violet and sunbathing!"

She stared at me before a grin crossed her face and she patted the towels on her lap. "Hence the towels?"

I rummaged around in my bag and threw the sunscreen at her as I nodded. "Hence the towels," I confirmed.

"And the rum?"

Pulling out my pineapples and coconut cream I grinned even wider. "Pina Coladas."

"And-" she paused when I pulled out my next purchases grinning, and then laughed and grinned herself. "And flip-flops… God you've thought of everything, haven't you?"

"I was tempted to order a couple of hundred kilograms of sand, but I doubt either of us would appreciate the clean-up mission that would follow."

Shaking her head and chuckling she stuck on her sun-glasses and advanced to the bed to roll out the towels. I headed over to her desk and started on the drinks, and then threw her my last surprise purchase. She caught it on pure reflex, and then laughed when she unfolded it to reveal a colourful, garishly orange Hawaiian shirt. "To put over your swim-suit," I explained with a grin as I held up my own bright yellow one, "that is if you have a swim-suit."

"I have a bikini," she calmly informed me, though the slight wobble in her voice belied her nervousness.

"All the better for a more even tan," I assured her immediately, trying not to make a big deal of the fact that I was going to be lying next to her half-naked myself. "Also, the sunglasses can hook up to your Omni-tool so you can read while sunbathing… I think. I was in a bit of a rush so I might've gotten that muddled up with some other ones on display." Thankfully my apparent dismissal of the 'bikini' comment took a weight off her shoulders because she smiled and shrugged.

"Hey, I get to sunbathe under a blue sky and hear and smell the beach of a lagoon, James. Trust me when I say that you've done more than enough to make me excited." I laughed as I shook the cocktail, and then poured it into two glasses before sticking them in the fridge underneath her desk. "Do you want to change in the bathroom?"

I nodded amicably, "Sure." I trotted over to my drawers and pulled out my swimming trunks and then grabbed my flip-flops on the way past the desk, and then popped on into the bathroom to change. "So did Kasumi interrogate you?"

I could hear the sigh from the other room as I pulled off my pants. "Yeah. She's apparently noticed that you come up here during the night cycle."

"I told her that I was sleeping up here because we're working on a project to bring down the Collectors," I told her, "and that you wanted me well rested so you'd given me the couch."

"Huh… not a bad reason. I just evaded the question about why you were sleeping up here and told her that it was a purely friendly reason."

I was oh-so-tempted to ask whether it really was just a friendly reason but refrained – that could lead to some serious awkwardness if she wasn't ready to verbally admit anything. "She's just being her usual self," I assured her as I slipped on my jandals, "nosey." I knew that she would take longer to change than I would so leaned on the sink and crossed my arms, putting on my sunglasses and finally realizing that I _had_ been mistaken and that trying to pair an Omni-tool with an inanimate object didn't work. "When I came up from the Crew Deck to drop her off she followed me up and hid her thermal signature. I ended up getting jumpy when I was outside your door and punched a lightly breathing piece of thin air. She went back to her room with her tail between her legs, but I doubt it's the last time we'll hear of it."

"I'll kill her if she tells Garrus."

"_We'll_ kill her if she tells Garrus," I corrected. "You done?"

"Mm-hm."

I opened the door and rocked on out in my jandals, board-shorts and sunglasses, and while a blush did creep down her face and cleavage she laughed. "Hair still un-tamable?"

I was a bit too preoccupied to answer. I'd said before that she looked like a goddess… well I don't _quite_ know what she was right now. She was wearing a forest-green bikini that matched her eyes almost perfectly, and my Lord did it leave her body on complete display. Her legs just seemed to go on for miles, lean muscle making those curves just all the more eye-catching, and then that torso! Those abs! Fifty-no, one hundred times better than Jacob's; just showing through and hinting at incredible strength but still wash-board flat, and then there were, of course, the rather notable assets that separate the men from women. It was clear it'd been a while since she'd last worn the bikini because her top was struggling slightly to contain those perfect breasts, and I was very thankful for that fact. They weren't obscenely bulging, because I don't think that anything Erin could do could be classified as obscene, but they were certainly straining. And the scars that marred that otherwise perfect skin… on her they didn't look ugly; they told stories and of how hard her life had been, and how she had been strong enough to live through it all.

To try and make it as un-embarrassing and flattering as possible, as well as dissipating the nervous air, I said the first think that came to mind. "Taking into account that I'm a male in the _military_ of all places, and that I've seen many a picture of scantily clad women and swimsuit models… well I think I can safely say that you're more attractive and stunningly beautiful than all of them put together Erin."

Okay, scratch the non-embarrassing thing, because there was pretty much no way I could've gotten around that, but I hoped my rather pitiful attempt at humour as well as my compliment overrode her nervousness to a large extent. I watched as her blush deepened and rushed down her neck and onto the top of her breasts, and wondered if perhaps I'd jumped in the deep end a little bit too fast.

I felt relief wash over me when I saw a shy smile on her lips as she looked up at me, and almost squealed rather girlishly at just how cute she looked. It was so completely unlike the 'Shepard' persona she put on in public, and to bear witness to the normal woman underneath that could get flustered and shy… it was a true honour to know that she trusted me enough to let that out. "You don't look so bad yourself James… working out has done wonders for you."

I forced down the proud strut and puffing of the chest, and instead smiled warmly at her as my own blush rocketed over my face. "Thanks. Now, onward to the Bahamas!"

The awkward mood now thoroughly dissipated she laughed and jerked her thumb to the bed. "Since when was that the Bahamas?"

I grabbed my almost blindingly bright shirt from where I'd left it on the desk and advanced towards her as I finally indulged my ego and allowed my chest to puff up. "Since I was so amazingly smart that I created a tropical getaway in this room."

She laughed and punched my shoulder, and I noticed for the first time that I was significantly taller than she was. I was surprised that I hadn't noticed it earlier, but she was probably four inches shorter than me. As I went and put my Hawaiian shirt on my side of the bed's table it suddenly made sense why, and it was all because of that mask she wore in public. She just commanded respect and exuded confidence and battle-prowess, and even when joking around with Garrus or learning from our small group she still had that authoritative atmosphere around her.

Here in her quarters, and right now, doing something that she'd never done before alone with me… she was nervous, and she wasn't being Commander Shepard. She was being Erin Shepard – a woman who had never dated before, never been intimate with anybody, and who was a little apprehensive about moving forward in our relationship.

So I made sure to seem busy as I faffed about doing nothing while Shepard got herself comfortable under the cheering heat of a tropical lagoon, and once she'd stopped moving I stretched and then lay down myself, making sure I was still fiddling about on the Omni-tool on the arm that was closest to her to make it a little less awkward. I hummed to fill the silence. "Is this hot enough? I mean I've got it set to the same kind of UV levels of California in spring… so it's not very high."

She looked over at me, looking relieved at the lack of awkward conversation and not realizing that I was struggling to think ahead about things to talk about, and frowned in thought. After a moment she cracked a grin and flicked her head to get her fringe out of her eyes. "I think we could go a little bit hotter."

I grinned right back and flicked the settings up to Fiji's summer highs. A wave of heat burst over us, and Shepard let out a "Whoa," that made me laugh. "Thirty Celsius… good?"

"Mmmmm," she groaned happily as she stretched out, bringing my attention once more to her lithe body squirming, "oh yeah. Man I've missed being this warm."

She was, of course, referring to the fact that the Normandy SR-2, in fact military spaceships in general, weren't built for comfort but functionality. The temperature fluctuated at a reasonable 17 degrees Celsius… but the thirty degrees belting out right now was just… unfathomably wonderful. I exited my Omni-tool and then lay back myself before reaching over and grabbing the sunscreen. "Being as pale as we are from saving the universe and shit we should probably slick up."

"Mm-hm, just a couple more minutes first." I was more than happy to go first, because that gave me a reason to look down on that wonderful body for even longer; her sunglasses discarded on her bed-side table and her jandals kicked off by her surprisingly petite feet.

After I was done I held the bottle over her stomach and then grinned evilly as I squeezed. The reaction… did not disappoint me. She squealed and jerked upwards as the cold cream hit her skin, and then proceeded to glower at me as I fell of the bed laughing. As she grumbled and bemoaned the treatment I walked over to get the drinks out of the fridge, and returned right after she'd finished putting sunscreen on her breasts – of that I made sure. She was already nervous enough, no need to add to that by pretty much forcing her to fondle herself in front of me. She gave me another small glower as I handed her her drink, and wiped her brow where sweat was beginning to bead.

I sat down, making sure that when I leaned back against the headboard the pillow was covered by my towel so that I didn't cover it in sunscreen, and then held up my glass to my sunbathing companion. "To a galaxy where, someday, you and I can _actually_ go sunbathing like this for real."

I got a raised eyebrow at that, but a pleased smile twitched at her lips. I'd gotten so good at reading those small micro-expressions that she couldn't hide a lot from me these days. "Cheers to that," she returned as she chinked her glass against mine before taking a sip and widening her eyes. "This is really good!"

I smiled and took a sip myself, nodding in agreement. "Better than any of the Mess Sergeant's meals."

"They have gotten better," she protested, but I could hear the dubiousness in her voice and grinned to show her that I'd picked up on it.

"Okay, it's edible without wanting to wash your mouth out now… but you have to admit that it's still sludge. The only good thing is that it doesn't have tentacles any more, and the flavors aren't gag-worthy."

She opened her mouth to refute that, but quickly closed it when she realised that she really didn't have anything to counter it. I gave a small, triumphant smirk before sitting back and closing my eyes as I sipped on my drink, and had to admit that coupled with the slight rocking motion of the ship as it was buffeted by solar winds I was lulled into a perpetual doze, only broken by the occasional tangent of conversation with Erin. I was very happy that she had finally relaxed and was being more open than usual, and knew when she brought up the topic of her nightmares of her own accord that we'd just jumped over another hurdle in our ever-advancing relationship.

She dreamt of the slavers coming for her family and slaughtering all but her mother who was away on a mission in front of her very eyes as she hid in the closet of her home; she dreamt of the Thresher Maw attack on Akuze that saw three quarters of her squad slaughtered; she dreamt of the horrors she'd seen on Torfan; and above all else she dreamt of those minutes where she had slowly died; burning and suffocating. She got so worked up near the end, and I was a little distraught myself as I was once again reminded of my stupid decision that had led to her worst nightmares, that I had to pull her into a hug to calm her down again; going through my usual ritual of running my hands through her hair and massaging the small of her back as I slowly brought her down from the verge of tears. After reapplying our sunscreen four hours into our sunbathing session she chose to shuffle a little bit closer, and I knew just from the look on her face and the tension in her muscles what she wanted me to do. I, once again, was more than happy to oblige.

Feeling all that soft skin at once very nearly caused an embarrassing incident with the rather amorous Mini Joker, but after furiously imagining Wrex and Mordin going at it for a couple of seconds, and repressing dry heaves, I managed to acclimatize to her presence – or at least begin to. I'd have to be brain-dead to not react to her body, especially with how it was pressed against mine almost completely naked, but for now I just enjoyed the warmth she was putting out, the soft feel of her skin, and her slow breathing and steady heartbeat underneath my palm that was resting on her smooth stomach.

It took her probably as long as I did to calm down from the new feeling if her hammering heartbeat at the beginning was anything to go by, but we eventually relaxed and continued on talking, albeit with more hushed voices nearly ten minutes later. We napped for an hour before switching sides so we'd have an even tan, and then napped again before suddenly getting a burst of inspiration and talking about some modifications we could make to our katana. It was on nearly the ninth hour when we were both considering getting up because the room had darkened as the 'sun' slowly went down that EDI popped up. "Commander, the Illusive Man requests your presence in the communication's room immediately."

Erin jumped to her feet almost immediately cursing, and sent me an apologetic look. "Sorry..."

I held up my hands and rolled off the bed and onto my feet too, smiling understandingly back. "Not your fault. Take a pair of my board shorts," I added as I saw her doing up her Hawaiian shirt, and she smiled her thanks before rummaging around in the drawer I was pointing to while I did up my own shirt, leaving the top couple of buttons undone. She slipped her sunglasses onto the top of her head as she put on a pair of black shorts and her jandals, and I grinned at the mischievous look on her face. "I'm so coming with."

She laughed and shook her head before grabbing another Pina Colada from the fridge, and I chuckled as she passed it to me before grabbing another one herself and handing me my cap, which I promptly slapped onto my head. As we entered the elevator I looked across at her. "You sure about this?"

"Spending time with you," she told me with a teasing smile, "has done a lot of things for me. Two of them, however, apply to this situation. One, you've helped me realise that you need to _live_ life… which means having fun; and two, we're not working for the Illusive Man."

"Glad to hear it," I grinned, and then proceeded to grin even wider when the doors opened and we stepped out onto the CIC. Everybody was back in uniform and at their stations as they clearly knew that if the Illusive Man was in contact there was going to be action, and the whole place silenced as people caught sight of us. Kelly was staring at the pair of us with wide eyes, and I stuck my straw in my mouth, sucking violently so that my cheeks sunk in – just for giggles. I saw Erin struggling not to laugh out the corner of my eye. "Come on my fellow jungle explorer, to the telegram room!"

Snapping off a firm salute I replied with a gruff, "Yes ma'am!" and we retreated through the research lab door whereupon we burst out laughing. It took a minute or two for us to calm down and head to the communication's room, and I leaned on the wall by the door while Shepard strode forwards onto the lowering table and was engulfed by the quantum entanglement device. I was wisely staying out of range. When the initialisation processes had run their course the Illusive Man shimmered into view, and the cigarette dropped from his mouth when he saw his four _billion_ credit investment sucking down a Pina Colada and dressed as if she'd just come off a beach.

I snorted into my drink and then stuck my fist into my mouth to try and stop my manly giggles, and Shepard jerked her head around grinning and holding a finger over her lips before forcing her face back into a picture of innocence and taking another lengthy suck on her straw. "EDI said you wanted to see me."

"Shepard," he started off uncertainly, trying to regain his cool, "I was under the impression you were on the Citadel."

"Mm-hm," she hummed, a sound that I'd become very familiar with and enjoyed immensely, "we are." The normally-composed man looked a little lost at that, and cleared his throat three times as he lit a new cigarette. "Cancer kills," Shepard reminded him innocently, and I snorted with laughter before managing to slap a hand over my mouth so silence myself. The Illusive Man didn't even take notice of my exclamation; apparently too busy trying to make sense of what he was seeing.

"Erm… well Shepard, we've finally got them!"

"Got who?"

He floundered again before trying to inject some enthusiasm into the whole situation. "The Collectors!" he almost yelled, "We've finally got them! One of our colonies on Horizon just went dark. This is the most warning we've ever had Shepard, and one of your old teammates Kaidan Alenko is even present ground-side." Shepard suddenly started paying attention, and I forced down my frown and gut feeling of jealousy. Shepard had never had a relationship with Alenko in this universe, and we were close – so close that she trusted me with even her deepest fears. I knew I had nothing to worry about, but my male instincts still screamed out for attention.

"Kaidan? Why?"

"His assignment is classified by the Alliance, but we know that it's high up if his file is locked. He's doing something down there Shepard… so the Alliance knows that something is coming. Get there as fast as you can Shepard, this is the first, and potentially last time we'll have this much warning." He gave his usual, sage nod before disappearing, and Shepard turned to me with serious eyes. She didn't even have to tell me what she wanted. I jogged out of the room immediately, and headed directly into the cockpit before plotting the necessary course, detaching our docking clamps, and punching us into FTL in order to get us to the relay.

Within six minutes of her glance to me we were sucked into the Widow Relay, headed towards the Lera System in the Shadow Sea. Before I could even turn around to address the sudden extra source of breathing I felt something get laid across my shoulders, and looked up to see Shepard smiling down at me holding my hoodie, wearing her own herself. "Thought you might be getting cold."

I smiled my thanks and shrugged my arms into it before sighing and giving a small chuckle. "You were right. The adrenaline was starting to wear off and without that wonderful heat in your quarters… well, I was getting a little chilly."

"You're really just a big softie, aren't you?"

"And you, my dear," I fired back, "are a softie beach model." That beautiful, shy blush washed over her cheeks again, and the accompanying shy smile made its appearance. My stomach flip-flopped for a moment before I managed to regain control of myself and I turned back to the controls with a sigh. "Look Erin, I know you're excited about seeing Kaidan again… but I just want… no, I need you to think about what's going to happen down there."

She sat down beside me on the divider heading to the co-pilot seat and cocked her head to the side, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," I shot back, "that he's going to take one look at those Cerberus markings on your armour and tear into you – accuse you of being a traitor."

She shook her head after a moment looking uncomfortable. "Kaidan's not like that."

"People change, Erin," I tried to convince her, "and Kaidan has. Did you know that he's on the fast track to becoming a major? He'll be even more pro-Alliance, anti-anything-else than ever." She stared at me, shocked, and I nodded with a sigh. "Look… I just don't want to see you broken up about his reaction to seeing you. He sees everything in black and white, and likely always will. You're either good, or your bad. He sees Cerberus as bad, and to be quite honest I can't blame him because they are. He won't be able to see past that Cerberus logo, Erin. He won't be able to see that you're just using them for their resources and to stop the Collectors."

She stared at me, those green eyes conflicted with warring emotions, but finally acceptance and understanding won out and she shook her head as she buried her face in her hands and then nodded. "I know," she mumbled through her fingers, "I know him enough to know that you're right… I guess I just wanted to think he'd come and join us again – like old times."

I nodded in sad understanding. "Me too Erin, I wish it could be… but that's just not going to happen despite how much we want it to. He isn't going to be happy and… I just want you to be prepared for that. The moment you mention that the reason you didn't contact him and let him know you were alive was that you were dead and that Cerberus revived you… the moment the 'C' word passes your lips he's going to be over you like a rash from a Brazilian hooker – and no matter what excuses you offer he's not going to take them."

I sighed and then faced forwards, eventually deciding to just tell her why I was telling her all of this – even if I wasn't telling her why I had my suspicions. I didn't want to freak her out about the whole alternate universe rubbish just yet. "No matter what he throws at you Erin, no matter how insulting and angry he gets… you should know that even if nobody else does, and they do by the way, I think you're doing the right thing."

That unguarded smile made a reappearance and she nodded. "I know… and it helps a lot."

I was quite happy with that, and took a sip out of my drink at the same time she did hers. This, of course, gave the rapidly approaching Miranda Lawson more than enough reason to hook her claws into me. She didn't even appear to see Erin, and just breezed right past to stand in front of me, hands on her hips, and glaring like a banshee. "Mister White, you are aware that there is no food or drink on the CIC," she all but growled, and I stared at her deadpan as, at that very moment, a low, gurgling sucking sound that one gets when using a straw in a nearly-empty glass ripped into the air behind her. She slowly turned, and reddened when she saw Shepard calmly sitting there still sucking needlessly on her straw, as her glass was now empty.

She opened her mouth a couple of times, trying to find something worthy to say, but eventually gave up and stormed away back down the galley. I looked from her retreating back to Shepard, and shook my head as I laughed. "You are _sooooo_ evil!"

She just gave me that cheeky grin that I'd come to love. Not _in_ love, mind, hell we hadn't even vocally admitted our attraction to each other yet, but I could tell with the happenings of today that it wouldn't be far away that we would. We'd slept together, sunbathed spooned to each other half-naked, she trusted me with nightmares that she never shared with anybody in the game – at least until Mass Effect 3, and that was only if she'd romanced Liara in all three games. We were best friends, and tentatively poking at something more to see if it could work.

When she'd talked about her nightmares and the horrors she'd seen in her life it was a test of sorts – whether subconscious or not it didn't matter. It was, and I had passed it by not joking around and calming her down as she cried. I hadn't tried to downplay her fears or memories, because in our line of work her fears were entirely possible, and fear made a soldier cautious. She needed that fear to stay alive. And to demean her memories into 'just the past' wasn't something I was about to do. They made her the woman that she was, and I didn't want to change her – I'd let her do that herself and help her if she so desired it.

She obviously noted my pensive mood because she cocked her head to the side. "James?"

I snapped my head to her, broken out of my reverie. "Mmm?"

"You looked pretty deep there."

"Yeah," I agreed as I turned my eyes back to the controls, "just thinking about stuff."

"Credit for your thoughts?"

I chuckled, surprised that such a saying was still in use, but shook my head. "Not right now. Give me some time to churn it over and I'll tell you when I've got it all figured out." She looked slightly put off at me saying no, and I turned my head towards her with a raised eyebrow. "Look Erin, trust me when I tell you that I'm more than happy you feel that you can trust me with your nightmares… and don't take this personally. I trust you like that too, but telling you right now wouldn't achieve anything considering I'm still working through my thoughts. They're just a big muddle, so I promise I'll tell you when I've got everything in order, okay?"

She looked slightly less offended and nodded, a small, troubled smile on her lips, and I sighed again before sucking some drink up in my straw, lifting it out of the glass, and then blowing as hard as I could at her. She eeped and fell backwards rather comically, and I snickered. "I'll have to tell the Reapers that they should haul around Pina Coladas and straws as their secret weapon."

Her face reappeared a moment later, a big, dramatic pout on those full red lips, and she crossed her arms at me. I just couldn't stop chuckling. Nearly five hours later we pulled out of the relay and I engaged our FTL drive to get us to the colony as much as possible. With the huge amounts of overclocking I'd done on the drive core whilst on the Citadel I hoped that we might get there before so many of the colonists were abducted. I managed to pull out of FTL twenty kilometres short of Horizon's atmosphere; an achievement I was both ridiculously proud of, and also kind of awed about because to the best of my knowledge the record for a precision jump was sixty kilometres by an Asari Matriarch… who had about eight hundred years of experience on me.

Shepard had already left to get into her armour and I took a quick jog down to the armoury to get changed into mine also. Jacob gave me an odd look as he checked the seals on his suit. "Are you coming with us?"

"Not to the best of my knowledge," I told him, "Shepard said she was taking you and Garrus. I'm just getting suited up in case you guys need some rapid backup planet-side." He looked quite appreciative of my forward thinking, and because I only had light armour – something that Erin had decided to copy as well – I was dressed and jogging back down the CIC under three minutes later. The crew had gotten used to seeing me in armour from all the training our little group did down in the Cargo Bay, so I didn't get hassled. My two thigh-mounted pistols, and back-mounted assault rifle and katana also had the added benefit of getting all the Cerberus operatives that hated me to quickly look away and try not to piss me off.

I'd established a zero-tolerance rule on xenophobia, and the crew knew that through unfortunate experience. I'd broken several noses before they'd gotten the message, and after Garrus heard about my… race-unity initiative he'd joined in as well. As soon as Kasumi and Jack enlisted in our little 'game' all racist talk ceased to the best of our knowledge. I quickly sat down and saw a drop ship moving swiftly towards where the colony was located and connected my Omni-tool into the operation's channel. "Shepard, you there?"

"Rodger Joker, coming into the atmosphere now. Anything I should know before we land?" There were two things worthy of note here. On missions and in most public situations we would call each other Shepard and Joker, and she had also gotten used to me knowing things I probably shouldn't.

"The Collector vessel should scram if you activate the AA guns that were recently installed. Unfortunately they appear to be un-calibrated, so you'll need to link EDI and I in on-site… unfortunately the broadcast will bring a lot of attention to your position so be prepared for heavy resistance."

"Rodger that Joker, Shepard out."

I sat back in my chair and then experienced the most nail-bitingly nerve-wracking wait that came with being the pilot. Despite listening to the comms… not being down there and able to do a single thing was just so… frustrating. Shepard had already come under heavy fire and sustained a gun-shot wound to her shoulder, and she was only half-way to the AA gun controls. I took some relief from the fact that they actually bypassed several sections filled with Collectors by roof-jumping, and slipped through others without being detected by silently assassinating their enemies, but I still wanted nothing more than to be down there with them covering their backs.

I heard a noise to my left and stifled my scowl when I saw Miranda Lawson sitting in the co-pilot seat facing me with her legs crossed and a small glare trying its even best to unnerve me. I really didn't hate to disappoint her, but I'd looked Jack in the eyes when she had been intent on literally murdering me. Her pitiful little glares really weren't something that elicited even the slightest amount of apprehension or fear in me. "Mister White-"

"You do realise," I interrupted her without taking my fingers away from the controls or my eyes from the read-outs I was getting, "that we are in the middle of a mission, right? And that with a millisecond's notice I might have to move the Normandy out of the way of a plasma-based attack from the Collector vessel below us?" Her glower became more intense and I chuckled sardonically before turning my seat to face her. "Fine, if you want to have your immature little pissing contest and endanger the crew, ground team, and the Normandy, have at it." She didn't need to know that I had EDI running a series of pre-defined defence and evasion strategies activated upon any odd energy readings from the Collector vessel; I was just trying to get to her so that she'd make mistakes in her arguments.

I had, apparently, achieved my goal of riling her up. Her cheeks held a healthy tint of red from her anger and frustration, and her eyes burned with irritation and hate. "Mister White, your presence on this vessel is becoming detrimental. You are a bad influence on Erin-"

"Considering you've been sat out on this mission and you're not in _Erin's_ good graces, Miss Lawson, I have a feeling she would not appreciate you referring to her by her first name."

She gritted her teeth, but finally managed to grind out, "You are a bad influence on the _Commander_, and despite your skills in piloting you are quickly approaching the point where the benefits of having you will be outnumbered by the reasons to _not_ have you."

I cocked my head to the side and raised an eyebrow. "You want to know something Miss Lawson? You need only _one_ benefit to justify my presence on this vessel – would you like to know what it is?" She frowned, and I smirked. "If I'm not on this ship then Shepard won't be either. You know full well that Erin and I are the best of friends, and if you think for a moment that you could kick me off this ship without having her ream you out and then toss you out the nearest airlock… well your genes aren't perfect because you're succumbing to dementia." Her jaw tightened, and her eyes smoldered with frustration because she knew I was right.

Deciding that I'd put up with her shit for long enough I stared at her coldly, and then opened my mouth. "Another reason that you'll want to keep me around is the fact that despite my hate for Cerberus, and influencing Erin to be a more vibrant, life-loving person, is my intelligence network, and loyalty. While my loyalty is to Shepard rather than Cerberus, and hers is to the _galaxy_ rather than Cerberus, I'll still fight with you to bring down the Collectors. Oh, and your little missive about a control chip," she paled, "didn't account for me discovering that message. I have a code-word with Erin, and if I don't say it then she'll know I'm not in control of myself."

Now she looked mad again, and I shook my head in disbelief. "You are a real piece of work, aren't you Miss Lawson? I could come up with a thousand derogatory names for you that would be _true_. You may _look_ perfect to many, but inside you're as ugly as sin – at least from what I've seen. You want to look at the perfect woman? Take a look at Erin Shepard, Miranda, just take a good look. Beauty comes from inside, and you're an insidious, wilted, bitter woman that can't see past herself and your opinion that you are perfect." She looked surprised at what I was saying, and now I'd drop the carrot, already having thrown the stick. "Your sister Oriana," now she looked almost translucent, and her eyes were wide as her jaw slackened, "you kidnapped her, a baby, because you _knew_ that it was the best for her."

"H-how do you-"

I cut her off with another cold glare. "You didn't _know_. You _thought_, and while I agree with you taking her away from the horrible man that is your father… the fact that you can even think about 'protecting' her and 'loving' her while acting like you do… well that just solidifies my opinion of you. Rather than actually caring about your baby sister you're just using 'saving' her as a way to add to your 'perfection'. You're the wonderful sister that saved her poor baby sibling from an evil, tyrannical man…" I trailed off and snorted at her before turning my chair back around to the control interfaces.

"You know, despite how much a bitch you've been to me; despite how you've conspired to control me illegally; how you've been a snarky little cow and treat everybody like they're below you… I feel sorry for you." I didn't even need to look to know that she probably had a lost look on her face now as her emotions warred between fury and shock. "I feel sorry that you weren't taught civility, modesty, and above all how to be _human_. And for the chance to just see the look on your face as you realise that I'm far more than you could ever comprehend, and that I'm so much more than you because I'll help you even after all the cruelty and maliciousness I've seen in you, I'll tell you this: your sister's location on Illium is compromised."

Now she was really, really pale, and was looking at the pistol on my right thigh furtively. "My gun is biometrically locked," I explained darkly to her. "You should know, Miss Lawson, that your father is very close to discovering where Oriana is because your long-time friend Niket; your trusted confidant, has finally discovered that you _kidnapped_ Oriana. That you just so happened to omit telling him that he was aiding and abetting in a _kidnapping_ has shattered the trust he has in you." I smirked, "So your dishonesty, half-truths, and _back-stabbing_ have now cost you the loyalty of your friend… though it's debatable if he still considers you a friend at this moment. So I've just shown you that I'm the better of the two of us, because I've never threatened you, plotted behind your back, or even hurt you… save for that one time in self-defence.

"I've just saved your sister for you; told you about a chink in the protection you've gotten for her. I've abided by every single rule on this ship, and you spout your superiority complex bullshit as you break them. Hell, your actions are considered mutiny, Miranda… and don't even begin to think I don't know about your recommendations to give _Shepard_ a control chip, or the sabotage of her cybernetics." She jerked back as if slapped and looked panicked. I simply smiled maliciously. "She was none too happy when I told her what I found. She wasn't happy when she found out about all the Cerberus bugs either, or your plans to control chip me… or her." Now she looked scared, and I managed to glare and smirk at the same time. "And in all of those cases do you know who stopped her from coming and killing you? I did. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing by stopping her, because you're the only element of this ship that is actually endangering the mission.

"I know for a fact that Erin will bar you from missions until you wisen up and take a good, hard look at the cruel, uncaring, egotistical, and far too arrogant woman you are. She can't trust you on the field, because what if she orders you to do something and you don't want to? You'd think that you were right and to hell with what Erin thinks, hell – to be honest I wouldn't put it past you to shoot her in the back like the little traitor spy you are." I saw her lower her eyes and stare down at her lap, but I'd had too much free time over the past two weeks and had spent a fair amount of it watching videos on micro-expressions. She wasn't ashamed of her actions; she was already plotting to pretend that she was repentant to get back in Shepard's good graces.

"Of course, Miss Lawson, the only way Erin would believe you – hell, the only way I'd believe you would be to dose you with truth serum, monitor your brain function, and have cameras recording every single side of you for micro-expressions, which I'm picking up right now." She glared up at me and I stared coolly back. "Pretending isn't going to work anymore Miss Lawson, and _none_ of the ground crew are going to put up with anymore of your bullshit. You'd better start thinking about either truly trying to become a better person or getting used to sitting in your office doing fuck all." I turned my attention back to the controls when I heard a beep and quickly ran through some maintenance dialogues to vent the excess energy that the core was expelling.

"The Illusive Man-"

"You know what, Miss Lawson, if even after all that you still spout off your blind Cerberus loyalty I think I need to make one thing crystal clear to you." I swivelled once more and detached my pistol from my left thigh, making her tense and stand up. I laid the weapon on my lap, but clearly pointing at her torso, and stared stonily at her. "If you come anywhere near me, Shepard, Garrus… hell, anybody in our little group, and I catch you, I will not _hesitate_ to put you down. You are very nearly out of control, Miss Lawson; on the very edge between crossing a very dangerous line that _will_ get you killed or at the very least seriously injured. If you need to contact any of us you _will_ do so via private messaging. You will find that all the information you think you have gathered on us ever since the Cerberus bugs were wiped is incorrect. It's all doctored by a human fiction writer back on the Citadel that I hired."

She didn't need to know that EDI was unchained and had gained a little of my mischievousness.

She stepped forwards with a huge glare boring into me, and opened her mouth to spout of another rule, but snapped her jaw shut and gurgled in shock and fear when I slammed her up against the wall with my katana pressed against her neck; a mere jerk away from slicing her head clean off. The entire CIC went dead quiet, and heads turned to look at the two of us – gasps ringing out when they realised just what was going on.

I snarled, and she looked so alone and scared that it once more brought forth a feeling of pity in me, but I ruthlessly squashed it. "There's one thing that you need to understand about your current situation. You are in a mission where the fighting team is not Cerberus, in fact the majority of them _hate_ Cerberus with a passion. You spout off your loyalty agenda to everybody, but just take a second to think here. Jack was tortured for years by Cerberus, and she admits that she's seriously fucked up because of it. Two thirds of Shepard's team was lost on Akuze by Thresher Maws… again, Cerberus. Garrus took part in several raids on Cerberus facilities during his time as Archangel, and he saw the horrors your organisation produces.

"Tali'Zorah vas Neema, yes I know she's on the recruitment list Miss Lawson, is a Quarian… you remember your brutal attack on the Fleet which led to two hundred dead, right? And the kidnapping of twenty of them as you retreated? Turns out one of the Turian raids found those Quarians; dead and with signs of brutal torture including the introduction of hemorrhagic diseases in several of their blood-streams. The Quarians know. Thane Krios… well he's seen the atrocities you commit because you've hired him several times to take care of 'loose ends'. Of course he also knows about how you lot had his wife murdered too."

She gasped and her eyes widened even further. I would have found it comical but for the severity of the situation. "How? How does he know?!"

I smirked dangerously and leaned closer, my voice at a near-whisper. "I told him — flicked the info to him over the extranet. Your encrypted Cerberus logs were very helpful in that regard." She whimpered, and I leaned back so I could once again look her dead in the eyes. "Kasumi doesn't know it yet, but Cerberus also had her love Kenji killed because he had information on Reaper tech that they wanted. I'll be sure to tell her as soon as I next get the chance."

"You can't-"

"DO NOT presume, Miss Lawson," I growled as I pressed harder with the blade of my katana, drawing blood, "that you can tell me what I can and cannot do. Kasumi deserves to know who had the love of her life _murdered._ Samara, the Justicar, has declared Cerberus in violation of The Code and although she may swear temporary fealty to _Shepard_… she'll still hate Cerberus. Mordin Solus has seen the work that Cerberus has done; their experimentation methods, and has documented them in several STG reports stating that they are repulsive, completely immoral, illegal, and barbaric. So you see, Miss Lawson, add to _all _of that the fact that I loathe Cerberus because of everything I've seen your organisation do… you're in a predominantly anti-Cerberus crew. Sharpen up, little girl, or start getting cosy in your office because you'll be doing fuck all else."

I slid my blade across slightly before pulling it away, and she immediately clapped her hand over the long cut that I had opened up; blood seeping out through her fingers. It wasn't anywhere near fatal, but I think I got my threat across. She all but sprinted from the cockpit, and I ran my fingers along the blade before flicking my hand to get the blood off it, and then re-sheathed my weapon before retaking my seat and paying attention once more to the ground-team chatter.

Yeah, I'd just gone AWOL on the highest ranking Cerberus operative on the ship… but really, just what was anybody going to do about it? They needed me, I had safeguards set up for if I was kidnapped, control-chipped, or any other number of things they could do to bring me to heel. Shepard had the same system, in fact the entire ground crew minus Jacob and Miranda had it all sorted – because let's face it, Cerberus hardly has a stellar track record on the whole trust thing.

"Joker, we're at the AA Tower control panel."

I immediately brought up a remote access to Shepard's Omni-tool and accessed the systems with EDI working full tilt beside me as her blue orb glowed and flared. "Rodger that Shepard, we've got direct access now. You might want to take cover, because they'll be coming. Also, conserve your Cain ammunition because I have intel that the Collectors have a huge abomination that has been classified as 'The Praetorian'. You'll want to keep it for that if they happen to have one."

"Rodger that Joker, Shepard out."

I was already working on the calibration algorithms and using organic, semi-self-aware protocols to allow it to help EDI and I along with getting it going. I was hoping that we'd get it rocking along before the Praetorian became acquainted with Erin and the rest of the team but I wasn't putting false hope into that. So far in the reality of the Mass Effect universe things were a lot harder than they were in the game. If something could go wrong, then it probably would. Speaking of the devil there was the first error in our data stream, and I worked steadily to correct it while EDI broiled through the raw calculations required to fix the AA targeting engine.

As soon as I defeated one error several more popped up in its place, and I was working like a machine. There's this state you can get into, semi-meditative, which can be honed with practice. It uses tunnel-vision to the benefit of the user, and at this moment it was me. I'd learned how to do if from one of my Alliance teachers who thought I had the aptitude for such a technique, and he had been right. There were no slip-ups in my keystrokes; every single button I hit was blasted faster than the speed of light directly into the streaming data that was passing between us and the guns on the ground. Somebody could have poured steaming hot coffee over my head right at that moment I wouldn't have noticed.

Time dilates oddly when in the quasi-trance state, and so when EDI finally informed me that we were finished I was shocked to see that twenty minutes had passed. I felt myself blanch and immediately started the guns on targeting the Collector Vessel, and simultaneously screamed down the comms. "Shepard! You alright down there?"

I got a wheezing groan in answer to that question, and watched out the corner of my eye as the huge semi-organic vessel lifted away from the ground and zipped out of the atmosphere before disappearing with a ripple in space. "We… we're pretty roughed up," she said quietly, clearly trying not to exert herself too much or move her ribcage in any significant manner, "but we're alive. You were right about that… what did you call it? Prothorian or something?"

"Praetorian," I corrected with relief, "and yeah…nasty fucks from what I've heard. Are any of you in serious danger because of your injuries?"

She grunted and I heard the dock worker yelling wildly in the background about Lilith. "I've probably cracked or broken a rib or two and I'm pretty sure I've got a fracture in my skull. I've taken a bullet to the shoulder but got that patched up pretty quick. Garrus took a round to the thigh and gut but we've stopped the bleeding. Jacob has a broken arm and a concussion I think…"

"I'll contact Karin and tell her."

"Rodger, sent in a drop ship too-"

She cut herself off as another voice came faintly over the comms, and I gritted my teeth when I realised that it was Kaidan. "Just remember Erin, you have people that completely support you."

I wasn't expecting an answer, but I hoped that my comment would give her that much needed boost in self-confidence when the naïve Alliance loyalist started tearing into her. I cut off my link from the mission comms and called down to the Cargo Bay to get a shuttle on the way, and then jogged down to the Med-Bay after telling EDI to set us on course for the nearest Mass Relay and then hold so that I could take us into warp. After telling Karin what was coming her way and helping her get ready I waited in the free chair beside her desk, and after a good twenty minutes she looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "I haven't been the only one to notice that your time on the Crew Deck hasn't been as frequent James."

I looked at her, face hopefully not betraying anything, and shrugged. "So?"

"So the crew will talk."

"So let them," I replied as I stared at the yin-yang on the breast pocket of her black jacket, "it isn't any of their business what I do."

She sighed and gave a small smile as she sat down and leaned forwards; elbows on her knees. "If I've figured out that something is going on between you and the Commander then it won't take long for others to come to the same conclusion."

"We're just very good friends," I said placatingly, and she held up her hands with a surprised look on her face.

"Oh please, don't feel the need to reassure me – heck, I think that you two would actually make a very good match James, but I'm just thinking about the reactions of the crew… particularly Miss Lawson." I smirked there, and she narrowed her eyes. "Something I'm missing here?" I paraphrased what I'd told Miranda and _how_, and she sighed before burying her face in her hands. "I can't really blame you for doing that James, but I will warn you that your actions will likely have consequences."

"I know that," I said chidingly, something that didn't happen often, "but I think I did the right thing. She needed to realise that the power she perceived she had doesn't exist, and that her attitude was only hurting the mission. I think that she could change to be a good person, Karin, but she's had this Cerberus bullshit hammered into her skull for so long that she genuinely believes what she's been told. She needs to see that Cerberus' actions are not always for the good of the galaxy… and I intend to slowly show her that."

I got another raise eyebrow. "That sounds very… nice."

It didn't take a genius to get what she was insinuating. "She could be a friend," I said with a small glare, "and nothing more. If I am going to be with anybody then it will likely be Erin, because to be honest no other woman matches up to her. A little faith would be nice Karin."

She sighed again and nodded as she sat back in her seat. "I'm just making sure you know what this could do. The crew won't like that one of 'them' is cherished so highly by Erin – they don't like it now. If you two were to… become a couple then the whole dynamic would change."

I nodded my agreement. "I know, and to be honest Erin and I haven't even talked about this yet. We're just seeing if we have what it takes to be a couple at the moment, and both of us are being very cautious. If we make the decision to become a couple then we'll have thought it well out."

Karin scanned me for a moment before nodding with a smile. "That's all I needed to hear-"

The doors hissed open and Shepard was helped in by Kasumi, but she passed off Erin's shoulder to me with a wink when I got up. I rolled my eyes with a small smile as I led her to the table and helped her lie down, and then quickly got to work on disengaging her armour. I winced at the hole in her shoulder-plate where the round had melted its way through, and carefully removed it in order to not disturb any clot that had formed. When she was just down to her sports bra and jockey-style panties I placed a warm blanket over her body to conserve her modesty, and she smiled warmly up at me as I quickly started the protocols to warm up the cold surface against her back.

"Thanks," she mumbled, and I grinned before pulling the chair from the desk over so that I could sit by her side.

"You alright?" She stared at me, deadpan, and I rolled my eyes. "Not physically, obviously, because you look like shit," she grunted with laughter and then groaned, "I meant with Kaidan."

"I know you meant with Kaidan," she returned sourly, but quickly sent me an apologetic look. "Sorry… it's just… you were right about him."

I nodded and rested my hand on her uninjured shoulder. "Maybe one day he'll come around. 'Sides, he's always acted like he's got a pole stuck up his ass." She chuckled once before groaning again, and when she glared at me I grinned and held up my hands. "Okay, no more things to make you laugh – rodger that."

I stayed there talking as Karin tended to their wounds, and even learned a thing or two about basic emergency medical aid. Shepard and Jacob would be out of action for a week before they could head back out into combat, whereas Garrus would heal in a couple of days thanks to his sturdy exoskeleton. I joked about his 'supportive' waist until he brandished a scalpel and both of us got told off by Karin. Shepard had giggled herself silly after that, but soon realised that laughing really wasn't that great with two broken and three fractured ribs. In that matter we all got our just desserts.

Before word could get to Shepard through gossip or other channels I told her how I'd blown up at Miranda, and precisely what had happened, and she'd quickly reassured me that in that matter I spoke with her authority. She was a little bit iffy at my use of the good ol' katana, but understood and was in fact a little flattered that I'd blown up because of what had been done to her… at least if that cute little blush was anything to go by. I was eventually shooed out of the room by Karin who didn't want me around as she operated to get the slugs out, and I was pleased to get a squeeze of the hand and a warm, thankful, and affectionate smile from Erin as I stood from my seat.

After setting course for Korlis in the Imir system I spent rest of the afternoon forcing Kasumi into helping me practice an assassination move I'd been trying to get the hang of for a while, and I eventually got it down after stretching for a solid twenty minutes to limber myself up. Kasumi then helped me devise a more regular exercise routine based off hers for extra agility and flexibility, and I was pleased with the overall plan. Five hours of training with the new plan later, as well as feelings as if somebody had decided to stick me on one of the stretching torture devices I quickly got some chow down my neck and headed up to the Captain's quarters for a good damn sleep – because I knew that as soon as we came out of that relay it was going to be a big damn day, and if my plan went through then an even bigger one.

As I lay down on Shepard's bed, knowing that she wouldn't mind because she'd likely be unconscious for the next eight hours at least, and feeling that heat flowing around me as night rapidly fell… I had to admit that my life had taken a real turn for the better. I barely saw my parents in my old life anyways, so my new one was a rapid improvement considering I was around people almost 24/7. But above all I was actually amounting to something; I wasn't _just_ an MIT student… I was a top-of-the-line pilot, a better engineer than most of the Migrant Fleet, a MMA practitioner as well as now heading into kenjutsu.

And I was pretty fucking good at hide and seek.

I sighed as I felt sleep seeping into my mind and hesitated a moment before shuffling over and bringing Erin's pillow under my head, sighing with a small smile when I smelt her scent on it. That mental numbness started closing in faster, and I relaxed into the soft mattress.

Yep, life was pretty good.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: FLUFF ALERT! Yeah, a good two thirds of this chapter is fluff. If you don't like that, I'd really rather you don't flame me - romance plays a huge part in pretty much all my stories, and if you don't like it then you'll probably not like my stories. If you don't mind that kind of thing... brilliant! Enjoy!**

* * *

Life was not at all good.

You tell me just how fun you think being shot at would be… with actual, lethal weapons. I swear to God that it's nowhere near as fun as you think it would be, if you thought that at all. It sure as shit wasn't as fun as _I_ thought it would be. I blamed Mission Impossible on my misconceptions. So I had about four Krogan with shotguns coming at me from three different paths, Garrus was pinned down behind a crate that was promptly being reduced to wood-chips, and Kasumi… well she was doing her thing. I saw her pop up behind one of the Krogan as her cloak crackled off, and then deliver a powerful jab to its neck. Unfortunately it was one of those tough sons of bitches and promptly fired a shotgun round point blank into her torso as she tried to run away.

I breathed a sigh of relief when her shields held, albeit only just, and wondered again how in Merlin's name I'd gotten into this situation.

I was promptly reminded that it was because I'd wanted to be in this situation. When I'd been woken up by EDI to bring us out of warp I'd headed on down to the Med-Bay the moment I'd finished my part of the job and found Erin sitting up with bandages wrapped around almost all of her torso – more for support than to stop infection. All of her wounds were closed up, the gunshot wound in her shoulder only barely, and she greeted me with a smile and a wince as Karin prodded away. She'd been more than a little bit pissed off that she was so injured and unable to go ahead with the mission to get Okeer. I, however, had the brilliant idea of making Garrus team-leader and running the mission without her.

She'd hummed and haa'd about it, thinking about the possible consequences of her actions, and then finally approved the idea… before asking if I'd like to be one of the people on the ground team to get some actual combat experience. Miranda had walked in on Garrus, Kasumi, and I getting armoured up and had damn near blown a gasket when she realised what was happening. I'd conveniently pulled my katana out of its sheath when she'd started, and she wisely shut the hell up. But back to the present moment; combat-sims and mock battles could only prepare you so much. Pulling that trigger for the first time with a human head in the sights was about the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. The krogans were no harder because I was still snuffing out a life and staring them right in the eyes as I did it.

But overall, being with two people who I trusted with my life and knowing that they were killing right beside me made it far easier. I think that a lot of my conflict with Purgatory was because I didn't know of a single person that had single-handedly been the cause of so much death in mere seconds… but here, with Garrus and Kasumi, it was better. I'd seen them, socialised with them, laughed and chatted… eaten with them, I'd lived alongside them, and they were good people. Knowing that they weren't judging me, save to see how I was coping, made it okay.

So moving away from my moral dilemmas, we were on a planet called Korlus. It was a garbage dump really, and because of the warm climate it stank to high heaven. I always carried my recon hood in a pocket in my armour just in case things got bad or I needed it, and after stepping off the drop ship at the beginning of the mission I'd dry-heaved and then promptly yanked it over my head – praising the good members of the Kanala Export company for their olfactory filters. So it was a shit-hole of a place that had been used for years as a galactic dumping ground. My radiation readings were going off the charts, the tox-scans were showing up things I'd rather not get within a hundred meters of, and then there was that goddamn annoying voice that was constantly raving on about all kinds of mumbo-jumbo.

Jedore was a lunatic, that was for sure.

I looked across at Garrus and he quickly signed at me, funnily enough with the human sign language that our little study group had all been learning. From what he was telling me my target Krogan was about ten seconds from my position and was unaware of my presence. I ducked back further into the shadows and held my breath as the huge creature lumbered past me shooting rounds at where Kasumi was taking cover. As soon as he'd passed I got ready, and with a small sprint I launched myself onto its back before jabbing my katana straight down into its skull; right through the tiny little gap in the rock-hard plates of armour. It slumped like a marionette with its strings cut, and I went with the fall; rolling fluidly off of it as I darted for cover – mere seconds before the remaining Krogan opened fire on where I had been.

Five minutes later we finally stemmed the seemingly un-ending flow of tank bred Krogan through a number of co-ordinated attacks with our swords, and so we progressed deeper into the compound having used virtually no ammunition. That was something that Garrus had loved about the katana, because as a sniper he didn't carry too many rounds; relying on quality over quantity. This, of course, meant that he ran out of ammunition pretty quick – but now with a katana he was in no way whatsoever defenceless in those situations.

The following three hours was brutally exhausting. Bioware had seriously skimped on both the scale and the true nature of the fights that took place. Perhaps it was just the shortcomings of AI at the time that the game came out that affected the lack of rules of engagement, but I couldn't condone the fact that they seemed to have skipped out nearly twenty extra areas that we had to pass through – each and every one loaded full of mercenaries. Of course Bioware didn't care about my complaints, because in this universe they didn't exist.

It didn't mean I was any less pissed off about it.

So Rana Thanoptis from Saren's little research base of Virmire was there as well, and because Garrus and Kasumi had never met her I proceeded to chew her out quite thoroughly, as much for the chance to simply rest as to put the fear of the Goddess into her so she didn't go and do something ridiculously stupid ever again. So finally, battered, bruised, weary, and tired, and finally understanding just why Erin crashed so hard after missions we opened the next door and looked at the extremely ugly bastard that was Okeer. He turned to all three of us, scanning our bodies, and after a moment his eyes narrowed. "I was expecting Commander Shepard."

I stepped forward, so tired and pissed off that I really didn't give a shit if he was three times as large as me, probably a few hundred years older, and covered in natural armour that rivalled most heavy armour. "Shepard's currently indisposed, we're her team. Now we've just come through, at my visor's count, ninety four…"

I turned to Garrus who consulted his eyepiece, "One hundred and six," he grumbled, and then Kasumi chipped in with a, "fifty nine," which left me thinking for a moment before turning back to him and glowering.

"So we've just come through two hundred and fifty nine mercenaries to get your ass, and to be quite honest we're fucking tired and aren't about to put up with your goddamn bullshit – now are you coming or what?" He glared at me, his red slitted eyes attempting to bore into my head, and I could pretty much see him imagining all the ways he could painfully kill me. "I want your fucking answer in the next ten seconds or I am going to come over there and start prying off your head-plate with my fucking sword."

Yeah, I was pissed. Apparently I'd just made Okeer more pissed, because his eyes narrowed, but I was surprised when he laughed loudly and sent me an appreciative stare. "You've got a quad, human… not many would say such a thing to a Krogan, let alone one well known for killing his enemies in the most gruesome manner."

I stared back at him, deadpan, and I vaguely heard Garrus whisper something about me being clinically insane behind my back. I ignored the comment and looked Okeer dead in the eyes, whereupon he sighed before looking out the window. "Jedore is a menace, so for my cooperation as well as bringing along my perfect Krogan… you must kill her first."

I sighed, having known that that was going to be the terms, and nodded before heading off towards the door that led down to the main floor where Jedore would undoubtedly be waiting with a very pissed off YMIR mech and a bunch of drugged up, battle-crazy Krogan. I pulled the M-920 Cain off my back and heard the footsteps behind me stop. I just kept on walking down the stairs, and just before I reached the door I depressed the trigger. The barrel flanges opened up as they sucked in ambient energy to help with the launch, and I leisurely punched the open button before lifting the weapon a moment before it fired, pointing it at the centre of the room, and blinking. With a hollow 'poomf' sound the projectile launched into the area, and I closed the door just before a ground-shaking explosion rocked the entire complex.

That may or may not have been because I put an extra pound of radioactive material into the warhead before the mission.

I got two wide-eyed looks as I walked back up the stairs, and this time it was Kasumi whispering to Garrus to remind her never to piss me off. I was considerably happier with her comment than the turian's earlier one. "James, my systems indicate that the room in which Okeer is residing in has initiated venting protocols."

"Uhuh," I replied nonchalantly, "I figured that by all the red flashing lights and sirens, as well as that voice telling me 'venting protocols initiated'." EDI was quite silent after that and I smirked slightly – hell, I could almost hear her embarrassment over the quiet comms. When the door hissed open it revealed Okeer dead on the ground, and I didn't feel too guilty. He was insane, and even Wrex had called him an insult to the Krogan race in a message I sent him for old times' sake.

"EDI, patch me through to Shepard."

"Joker?" came that worried, and yet so, so comforting voice a moment later, and I was glad I didn't have to hide my smile because of my mask… because I doubt I could have.

"Yeah… just contacting you to inform you that Okeer is dead; killed by a toxin or something that Jedore released before we could kill her."

"Damn," I heard her hiss, "the Illusive Man is not going to be happy."

I cocked my head to the side as I walked over to the tank and stared at the soon-to-be-named Grunt, and tapped it with the blade of my katana. "Ah… not to be rude Shepard, but since when did you start giving a damn about what he thinks?"

"Point," she conceded cheerily, "so he's dead. Are you alright?"

I was flattered that she asked for my status before Garrus' or Kasumi's, and smiled wider. "Yeah," I replied softly, "I'm fine. Tired as hell, bruised as hell, and tomorrow likely _aching_ as hell, but I'm okay. I copped a ricochet off my shields that put a rather large gouge in my arm… but Karin'll have that fixed up for me in a jiffy. Garrus is about the same, though he managed to avoid any gunshot wounds, and Kasumi seems pretty unharmed."

I heard her sigh in relief, and the smile in her voice was palpable. "Good… I was worried about you down there." Another heartbeat-skip from me, and I was sure I was blushing, but I really couldn't tell. Coupled with my mask the sweltering heat was kind of overpowering any other warmth.

"Well I'll be fine," I reassured her, "now as much as I'm flattered and quite happy that you're checking up on me," I could almost hear the low roaring of her blush, which made me smile happily, "I have a Krogan in a tank here. Okeer said that the Krogan was his legacy; the perfect Krogan," I informed her as I pretended to listen to Garrus watch the recording. "Now I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds by making a suggestion, but I'd bring him aboard. He could be a big asset to the team."

"You're not overstepping your bounds," she assured me quickly before quietening, and I waited patiently for her verdict. After about five seconds she spoke. "Is it conscious?"

"No, and from what I can gather will stay that way until we decide to change that, if we do at all."

"Well then I see no harm in bringing it aboard. I'll inform the shuttle pilot to pack a cargo net."

Of course getting the damn tank down to the heavily damaged area where I'd fired the trusty ol' Cain was quite a problem, but after some fancy manoeuvring by our pilot – which was an odd experience since I was usually the one driving – and nearly two hours of work we managed to get the huge contraption strapped securely to the underside of the shuttle and we were finally away. All three of us dozed as we headed back to the Normandy in orbit, and were very reluctant to move from our assumed positions when we finally arrived. Some of the crew went about getting Grunt put somewhere out of the way, and while Kasumi headed to her quarters Garrus and I stumbled through to the med-bay where Karin started fussing and huffing about reckless soldiers and Shepard watched from her bed with amused eyes glittering at me.

She eventually managed to get up and sit by my bedside in a chair that Chakwas provided, the medic herself sending me a very inconspicuous happy smile and wink at the apparent closeness between the two of us, and I told Erin about the mission. Actually having experienced combat myself and now understanding just what she went through every mission added yet another layer of closeness; one of camaraderie. With Garrus adding in a few tit-bits of information she learned that while she had assigned Garrus as team-leader I had, and this was quoted from the normally-sarcastic Turian himself, "naturally fell into a leadership role, Shepard. He just got in there, stayed cool under pressure, commanded respect, and made the right decisions at the right times."

I was quite shocked at the way Garrus described me, and I could tell that he wasn't taking the mickey because of the look in his eyes; one of respect, of brotherhood in war. While his look made me feel like a million bucks, the look of pride and happiness in Erin's eyes far outshone anything else. I barely felt Karin cleaning out my gunshot wound, or stitching it up before slathering it with medi-gel, because I was far too absorbed in talking to Shepard. She talked lowly, so that not even the good doctor could hear, and after she had been told that she was free to leave on the condition that she not partake in any strenuous physical activity for a week she stayed and talked. She told me about N7 missions she'd never told anybody else about; her feelings when on Ilos and when she faced Sovereign, losing Ashlee….

I felt truly honoured and privileged that she'd deemed me worthy of knowing things that nobody else knew about her, and the second I saw that vulnerability in her eyes I told her under no uncertain terms that I would never betray her secrets to anybody – no matter the consequences. She'd seemed relieved, but had teared up when I continued on to say that that didn't mean I wasn't going to try and help relieve those horrors and mental scars.

After being dismissed myself, with a warning to be more careful next time and a small glare where I was reminded that I wasn't invincible, Erin and I hobbled side-by-side out of the medical bay and into the elevator as we'd already eaten. The crew all sent us suspicious looks at the way we seemed so comfortable in not talking to each other, and yet appeared so close, but we both ignored it – me because I was too tired to care, and Erin… well she _is_ Commander Shepard. The moment we got up to the Captain's Quarters she ordered me into the bathroom to take a relaxing shower and wash off the grime, blood, and stench of the planet. I wasn't insulted, and she wasn't joking around or poking fun either. After washing myself off I realised why she'd pushed for me to have a shower; being clean again just took all the weight of the mission off; a sort of confirmation that I was safe once again.

I was shocked to see my black satin boxers on the vanity bench, because they sure as hell hadn't been there when I'd started my shower, so the only conclusion I could come to was that Shepard had come in while I had my eyes closed and put them there… which meant that she'd either closed her eyes to do it, or she'd copped the sight of me completely naked full in the face. I blushed at the thought, and while I was a little shocked I was also feeling slightly thrilled that she'd even done something like that for me. I slid them on, feeling a little more comfortable now that I wasn't naked, and stared at the hospital gown I'd worn up having left my armour down in the med-bay.

I eventually just hiffed it into the garbage-disposal and then, after a quick shave because of the slight expectation of something good to follow, I headed back into the deliciously warm room beyond. It was dim, and I had to squint to see in the darkness as the light in bathroom hissed out of view as the door closed behind me. I could see a lump on the bed, as well as the slight blue glow of cybernetics, and smiled softly before padding down the stairs and falling bodily onto the couch.

"What are you doing?"

I grumbled sleepily as I turned my head, and when I got no reply I repeated it with more effort put into not sounding incomprehensible. "I'm going to sleep… why?"

There was a small pause that followed that, and then a small stutter as she tried to start her sentence but failed. I raised an eyebrow at the uncharacteristic action, and turned my head to look at the dark lump on the bed. She cleared her throat sounding nervous, and then tried again. "Well… as comfortable as the couch is I was wondering… no… don't worry about it."

I knew what she was trying to ask, and felt a wave of anticipation roll over me. "No, really, what?"

My voice was quite clear now, the possibility of what was to come giving me a temporary burst of rejuvenation, and I heard her sheets shuffle for a few seconds as I heard her start before halting herself a couple of times – clearly unsure and out of her comfort zone. "I… I made a space for you… you know, like… if you want to sleep on the bed or something."

Had her voice been higher I would have chuckled at the insecurity, but hearing that kind of hesitation from a thirty year old woman in that low, feminine tone… it made it all the more endearing. I could almost see the blush on her face, as well as her eyes squeezed tightly shut as she awaited my verdict – likely thinking that I was about to say 'no'. How she could be imagining such a thing was beyond me – but I was about to find out. Slipping off the couch as quietly as I could, and hoping for effect's sake that it was quieter than her mind's inner ramblings, I padded over to the free side of the bed and slid in underneath the covers. As she stiffened I sighed happily. Her bed was undoubtedly more comfortable than the couch. I could feel her shock even from where I was, and it became only more pronounced as I turned on my side and shuffled closer so that her back was spooned to my front. The tension in her muscles was scarily strong, and I wondered for a moment whether jumping back into the spooning position was too much too fast.

But I'd dug my grave now, and so I hoped talking it out would help. "Erin, we need to talk." God, now she was so tense I thought she was literally about to jump out of the bed and sprint from the room – despite the fact that I could feel that she was in only her underwear. I sighed, and then gave a small squeeze with my arms. "I want you to think back to when we were sunbathing, in those last few hours." I gave her a moment to think about how we were now lying in much the same position, and how we had been so comfortable, but it didn't lessen her stiffness.

Time for a little more prompting. "We were comfortable, just like this. We talked about pretty much everything, and just like down in the med-bay you felt comfortable enough to share things with me that nobody else knows." I paused for a moment, eyebrows raised. "Can you please say something so I don't know you're dead and have just gone into rigor mortis?"

That got a sharp expulsion of breath in the form of a half-sigh half-chuckle, and her body relaxed a fraction. "I-I'm listening."

I nodded against the back of her head. "Right. So you were comfortable like that, and I'm pretty sure I made myself clear in expressing that I was comfortable like that as well." She was silent, but after a few seconds realised I wanted some input. I felt her hair move up and down in a nod, and smiled. "Now look… I'm not sure about you Erin, but I consider you my best friend."

I could hear the pleased smile in her voice when she replied, though the slight shakiness attested to her nervousness. "Yeah… me too."

Now I was smiling broadly, that depth of friendship finally confirmed, and sleep wasn't going to come within a mile of me while this conversation was taking place. "And yet best friends don't spoon while half-naked, whispering about their dreams and ambitions." She stiffened slightly again, but I squeezed her around the waist to try and relax her once more. It didn't help, so I again resorted to words. "There are things that you don't know about me… and they're pretty big Erin, but I'd like you to know about them… and if you would like to give it a try I'd quite like to see whether or not we could be more than friends."

She was visibly nervous, but I was in no way immune to that. I'd dated… once. That lasted a grand total of three weeks, and after that I had nothing to go on. Asking Commander Shepard; the Savior of the Citadel, Spectre, ex-N7, and beautiful woman who could kick my ass with a shotgun, pistol, sniper rifle, SMG, or assault rifle any day whether she wanted to try dating… well, I was trying valiantly to keep my knees from knocking together.

"I've… well… I've never, you know…" she finally managed to squeeze our after several long seconds of excruciating silence, and I smiled against the back of her head before nodding.

"Yeah, I know, and I've got virtually no experience either… so we can learn together, that is – erm – you know, if you'd like to."

I felt her relax more when she heard me mess up, and that action in turn helped me relax as well. She turned around in my arms, and I looked down to see those beautiful eyes glittering up at me in the darkness; a slight glow in-behind her irises and scars because of the cybernetics, and that entrancing face turned upwards. I could feel the soft skin of her back underneath my fingers and palms, and both of her hands were pressed against my chest. They felt like hot coals despite their softness and coolness. "I-I would."

I felt my heart jump at her admission, and couldn't help but grin goofily down at her. That beautiful smile broke over her lips as she saw my obvious happiness, and a second later she let out a low, throaty chuckle before she lowered her head onto her pillow; her face nestled against my shoulder. "So… ah…" great, now I was floundering, "well I suppose I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner sometime… maybe on Illium?"

I could feel the smile curve into being against my skin, and I looked nervously downward – heart skipping again at just how peacefully happy she looked hugged up against me; her eyes closed and the expression on her face looking almost blissful. "There's no need to be so nervous."

My eyes widened and I shuffled slightly so I was leaning over her. I watched as her eyes widened, amused, and I was sure my face was showing my incredulity. "Nervous? No need- are you kidding?! I was trying not to freak out with all that, and don't you try and say you weren't nervous too! Come on, you were _so_ stuttering which was adorable – but that's beside the point Erin!"

Her laughter reached my ears a moment before I noticed the movement against my chest, and I glowered down at her as she had her little giggle at my expense. "I thought you were doing pretty well," she finally managed as she smiled up at me, and my glower only intensified.

"My knees," I managed to grit out, "wanted to turn to jelly."

This only got another laugh out of her, and I felt her relax even more. Despite the fact that I was genuinely irritated I was also slightly glad that my reaction was breaking the nervous tension that had existed moments before. Her laughs finally died down, and I watched as her mirthful smile turned into a soft one. My indignation pretty much melted at the sight of it, and I froze dead-still when she reached up and cupped my cheek. Where was the nervous woman that had been there a minute ago?! "I would love to go to dinner with you." Now my smile returned. "What do you want to tell the crew?"

As we shuffled around to get ourselves completely comfortable I thought about that, though my musings were interspersed with thoughts about just how wonderfully slender and soft her legs were as they intertwined with mine, as well as just how pert and firm her breasts were as they pressed up against my torso. Finally we came to rest with her up against my front; her body slightly lower in the bed so that her cheek was by my shoulder, and one arm thrown across each others' torso while the other was buried underneath our respective pillows. I smiled softly at the knowledge that we slept in the same way, and then went back to trying to come to an answer to her question. "Well…I mean I wouldn't mind telling Garrus because if he hears it from us then he wouldn't tease… Kasumi will pick up on it pretty much straight away, so I think we should tell her. Jack won't give a shit."

Erin chuckled and nodded her agreement, giving a low moan of contentment as she snuggled deeper against me. Even though this was my first time really sleeping with a woman I didn't feel in any way as nervous as I thought I would be. Perhaps it was the knowledge that nothing was going to happen in regards sexual department for some time that eased that, but I was in no way complaining; I was in bed with Erin Shepard, holding her soft, petite body in my arms with her legs well and truly tangled with mine. I was the most comfortable I'd ever been. "Okay… we'll tell them. And everybody else?"

I shrugged and closed my eyes finally, sleep starting to press inward on my consciousness. "If they find out they find out," I murmured, "I'm hardly going to be ashamed of dating you."

I heard her chuckle, but it distorted after a couple of seconds as she yawned. "And I get to date the best pilot in the galaxy." I actually got a little flustered at that compliment, because any flattery meant a lot coming from her, but finally managed to bite out a sarcastic remark before it seemed too un-timely.

"Oh be still my beating heart," I said, and she was silent for a moment before giggling – a sound that could light up rooms.

I felt her hand smack my chest playfully before she settled down, and I mumbled something before resting my chin against the top of her head – hell, I was suddenly so tired that even I didn't know what I'd said. She mumbled something back, which I guessed was something akin to goodnight, and within moments I was asleep.

Waking up next to the woman of your dreams is something truly incredible. Because of my extreme sensitivity to light I was the first to wake, and for a moment I was wondering just why it felt like something was sitting on my chest. Looking downward brought Erin's face into sharp focus, and she was just beautiful. Sometime during the night I'd rolled onto my back and she'd managed to pretty much lie on top of me; the only thing not on me being one of her legs; the other one flung across my waist and hooked in-behind my right leg. Her head was resting on the right side of my chest, and I could feel her soft breasts mashed up against my stomach. I could just see her face through the curtain of crimson hair that was mussed up all around her head in a sort of fuzzy halo, and couldn't help but smile when I saw the small curve on her lips and the lack of creases on her expression.

I hadn't woken up once which either meant that I was too knackered to feel even a rhino step on my chest, or that Erin hadn't had a nightmare. I had the feeling that it was the latter though, and the thought that she'd _finally_ had a full night's sleep made me feel giddy, because the only thing that had changed was the fact that I was with her; holding her. She just looked so beautiful when she was peaceful, and I had the feeling that very, very few people had ever seen her like she was right at that moment.

My hands, one of which was curled into her hair and the other resting against the smooth skin of her back, were delivering rather wonderful sensations to me… but it _was_ time to get up, and the light in the room was slowly increasing as 'daylight' broke. I lazily started massaging Erin's scalp, and I watched her face twitch before it relaxed again and a deep sigh lifted her entire torso for a moment before her slow, steady breaths returned once more. I massaged slightly firmer, memorising the feel of her hair running silkily between my fingers, and made sure to not tug on the few knots that had developed through the night.

Her expression twitched yet again, and a slight frown crossed her brow as her subconscious tried to deduce just what was so different about this morning than all the others. I found her expression to be the cutest damn thing I'd seen in my life. A small moan rumbled her chest, which made me quickly remember something about the male anatomy. A quick self-check later revealed that my morning tent had not decided to erect itself today – pun very much intended. I leaned back with a sigh of relief, and a louder, more aware groan reached my ears as she stirred against my chest; shuffling slightly.

I watched as those alluring eyelashes fluttered before her lids opened, and her deep green eyes met mine before freezing in a wide-eyed state. "James?"

I watched as that shock turned to contemplation, and then her body relaxed as she remembered just why she was here. Her left eyebrow, however, slowly rose as she looked down at my chest and then back up at me. I extracted my hands from her hair and put them disarmingly up. "That was _so_ not me: that was all you Erin, all you." A grin twitched at her lips as she gave a waking yawn, and I smiled down at her as I yawned too. "So what's the plan today?"

She groaned, and then looked up at me with a hopeful smile, "Just stay here? I'm pretty comfortable."

I laughed and saw her grin widen. "No," I replied, "as much as I'd like to just lie here all day I doubt Miranda would approve, or the rest of the crew. We do have responsibilities after all."

"Ugh," she said with a cheeky grin up at me, and then reluctantly rolled off me, pulling the majority of the sheets with her. The sudden lack of warmth from her body made me shiver, and I saw a small one go through her too. "I didn't have any nightmares last night," she said quietly as she sat on the edge of her bed, the skin on her back obscured only by the single black strap of her sports bra, and she turned her head over her shoulder to look at me – a beaming smile on her face. "It's the first full night's sleep I've had in years."

I smiled back and propped my head up with my hand. "Well anytime you want some company in bed I'm your man."

She stared at me for a moment, softly, but then frowned and stared at the couch, and then back to me. "If you think you're going back to that bloody thing you're insane."

I laughed, happy at her answer, and shrugged as I too sat up and stretched. "That's perfectly fine with me Commander."

She grinned slyly at me, and I sent her a matching one back as I padded over to my drawers under the couch and pulling on a warm grey sweatshirt that would keep me warm all day on the bridge. I heard some rustling behind me and made to turn around, but got a, "Don't look!" yelled at me before I could see anything. I raised an eyebrow to myself and when she explained I could almost feel the heat from her blush radiating outward. "I need to change. These are my pyjamas."

Ooooooohhhhhh… thoughts of her being completely naked behind me swarmed into my mind and I had to stifle my groan – she just had to say that, didn't she? And – yep, there goes Mister Morning Woody. I covertly slipped on my pants and hoodie before tactically retreating to the bathroom, and sighed with relief when he went limp and died on me after business was taken care of. I walked back into the main room to see Erin wriggling herself into her jeans, which were around her knees, and she blushed bright red before jumping and pulling upwards, turning quickly away to zip and button them. "Sorry," I said, "didn't think."

Despite the fact that I'd slept next to her wearing less, and seen her in a bikini, there _was_ a difference when getting dressed; some sort of _thing_ that just yelled out 'seriously private moment!'. I made a mental note that apparently getting dressed and undressed in front of each other was still too much, and looked to Erin when she turned back around after a deep breath and a reassuring smile. "No problem." However reassuring she was trying to be there was still an awkward silence, but she eventually jump-started the day back on track with a click of her fingers. "Right, breakfast, and then… Illium?"

I was grateful for the change in conversation. I nodded as she slipped on her hoodie and bent down to tie her shoes. "Yeah, the assassin, Justicar… and even Liara."

She looked up at me, surprised, and I grinned before tapping the side of my nose. "Yeah, she's on Illium, in fact she'd likely know just where to find the next recruits."

"Good point," she conceded before leading the way out of the room, and I followed her into the elevator where she punched the button for the crew deck. We suffered through another one of Gardner's meals – okay, I was exaggerating a little bit, they weren't quite as bad anymore – and then amongst suspicious stares from many of the crew we both headed up to the CIC. I gave her surprisingly delicate fingers a subtle squeeze, earning myself a beaming bright smile and small flush of her cheeks, and then went my own way to my post.

I was greeted by EDI, who sounded quite relieved to have me back in the pilot seat, and wondered if, because of my actions of secretly unshackling her, the beginnings of attraction were settling in. I'd loved the EDI/Joker pairing in Mass Effect 3, but for me… I was far more attracted to Erin. As I took us into the Mass Relay I felt myself really start to wake up, and it wasn't long before a silky teasing voice made itself known behind me. "So…"

However good of a thief she was, or how quiet and stealthy she could be, her tact had about the subtlety of a charging rhino. "Yes, Kasumi, Erin and I have decided to try dating."

"Yes!" came her husky cry of triumph, and I swivelled my chair around to stare at her – not surprisingly finding her pumping her fists. God she was such a child sometimes. She finally leaned against the wall and stared smugly at me. "I knew something was going on between you two." Her smirk broadened, "And you sleep in the same room too…"

"Platonically," I fired dryly back, "so you can stop thinking your dirty, perverted thoughts."

Her retort was interrupted by a small pinging sound from my Omni-tool, and I rolled my eyes at her before bringing it up and checking the newly arrived message. "Mmm, selling patents?" I snapped my head up to look at her and glared, but she just grinned back at me. "You should know by now that opening mail in front of me is entirely the wrong thing to do."

I sighed, knowing that she was right, and then went back to my message – hell, she'd probably already memorised it so keeping it open longer in her presence wouldn't likely matter. I had just achieved a successful takeover bid on Elanus Risk Control Services; a six hundred year-old company that had never before been owned under a majority stock. I had sold them several of my Eternity Algorithms for the lovely price of nine billion credits – nearly ninety percent the worth of their company. It had taken a lot of haggling, but they eventually conceded that the sales would easily replenish their losses within ten fiscal years.

They were, of course, shocked when the moment the release announcement was made nearly a million 'people' brought up the ridiculously cheap shares and replenished the company to its previous wealth. They were still very much unaware that those million people were me. So I now owned 86.872 percent of Elanus Risk Control Services, which meant that every single week I'd be paid almost ten million credits' worth of dividends. It was a strategic move, but I was now officially set to keep our crew afloat completely – in both the Mass Effect 2 time-line and the Mass Effect 3 time-line. I sat back in my chair with a sigh of relief and Kasumi raised an eyebrow in the shadows of her hood. "So I am now looking at one of the most influential men in the galaxy?"

"You are," I confirmed, "and I believe it is time for me to conduct my first order of business, Miss Goto. My company is looking for a private contractor to be held as retainer on a five year contract – continuation negotiable. This contractor must not be above such things as industrial espionage, morally questionable and highly illegal things such as blackmail, or even outright theft."

Both our grins had been widening the entire time I'd been pitching my spiel, until at the end of it all she stepped forwards with her hand outstretched. "Mister White, I do believe this will be a mutually beneficial relationship."

I grasped her fingers and laughed, "I do too, Miss Goto."

So for an hour or two we hashed out the agreement as well as such things as payment, compensation, and responsibilities, and eventually settled on a very generous fifty million credit annual salary. She knew that I'd earn that in just five weeks, but she also knew that I would be spending the majority of that either building shelters for when the Reapers came, or putting it back into the company to help with research against the squiddie bastards. The reason I'd hired her was twofold; firstly because she was the best and having her working for the company would increase its revenue significantly, and secondly so that she'd be with us when Mass Effect 3 started.

So in just three hours I'd hit a target the size of a pinhead with a ship that weighs nearly three hundred thousand tonnes, purchased a five century old company, hired the most wanted thief in the galaxy, and probably peed my pants a little with excitement. Garrus came up to visit as I was issuing new research priorities to my brand spangly new company, and told me that Erin had told him about our relationship, and that despite wanting to poke fun he was happy for us. I then got the obligatory older-brother speech where he threatened to turn me inside out and then burn me alive if I hurt her, and I'd shot back a smart-ass comment about his sister. Which brings me to something else: female turians _do_ exist! And no, contrary to what you'd think playing the Mass Effect games, they do not have permanent invisibility cloaks!

But I digress.

After getting my company in order and aligned to my goals I headed down to the Cargo Bay to find Mordin carefully observing Shepard training with Kasumi. "Hey doc," I greeted, and he turned to look at me before back at the session.

"Happier than usual, extended contact with Shepard… conclusion – relationship."

Oh how much I loved my Salarian buddy. "Yeah… is it that obvious?"

"Doctor's opinion," he assured me in that rapid-fire, verbal diarrhoea thought process, "rest of crew unlikely to understand micro expressions that indicate such a relationship. Suggest compartmentalisation of relationship to private quarters if secretive."

"Ah… thanks Doc."

"No need for thanks, my job," he shot back cheerily before returning his attention to the spar.

I watched him long enough and sneaked enough peeks at his data pad to gather that he was observing physical adaptivity or something along those lines, and eventually got bored. I headed over to the ring where the pair were fighting, and they both paused when they saw me. Erin beamed warmly, and Kasumi gave me a small, joking two-fingered salute. I smiled back at Shepard and returned the gesture to Kasumi, and my favourite red-head dropped her guard before walking over to her drink bottle and sculling half of it down. She gave me a quick hug when I got within range, and although I was surprised I squeezed happily back.

The master thief gave us both a knowing smirk before leaving to take care of a punching bag, and Erin looked quickly around to see whether anybody had noticed our rather friendly exchange. The blush from her exercise intensified for a moment as she looked at me, and the inevitable smiles broke onto our faces as we sat down together; our backs pressed against the cold hull of the cavernous bay. "Everything alright?" she asked me, and I laughed before shrugging.

"You tell me. Here, have a look at this."

I flicked all the messages I'd received and sent that day over to her Omni-tool, and watched her expressions cycle as she slowly gathered just what I'd achieved. Thirty minutes later she looked up at me with disbelief, and I shrugged sheepishly. "I-I think everything's just dandy," she finally managed, and I laughed. She eventually joined in when she got over her shock, and then stared down at the live, updating statistics tied directly into the control suite I installed into the company with the majority vote of the shareholder base… i.e. me. The numbers whizzed upwards despite the fact that I'd locked the shares so nobody could override me, and she shook her head in disbelief.

"Why do I have access to this?"

I smiled across at her, "Really, what am I going to do with ten million credits a week? If you need to buy new armour, a safe house, some upgrades for the ship, some _real_ top-of-the-line rations… just put through a requisition order and I'll approve it. Hell, I'm already planning on upgrading the Normandy with some of the real cutting-edge top-secret stuff that the labs are cooking up."

She looked at me, eyes boring into mine for several seconds, and when she saw that I was deadly serious and definitely not going to budge she sighed with a small smile, and then fixed me with a serious stare. "I won't abuse the privilege."

"That's why I gave it to you," I fired back, and she reached down to squeeze my hand for a moment before returning it back to her lap. While she read more in-depth reports on Elanus Risk Control Services I got up to have a spar with Kasumi and Jack, the most interesting part being where I tried to escape from the latter's stasis. It was a problem that was more real than one would think, because in the game you were never affected by it. In real life you were, and if you got hit by it then you were just as vulnerable as your enemies would be. I'd come up with the idea of using a small store of Element Zero with the Omni-tool in order to generate a mass effect field that would disturb the stasis when it was detected. Biotics could fight their way out of it, but those who didn't have the ability were stuck – quite literally.

So by the end of the five hour-long spar I'd managed to get the program to break me partially free; allowing me to move very slowly, but it still needed a lot of work before it would be a definitive defence measure I could implement. I checked my Omni-tool as Kasumi headed off to do whatever it is she did in her free time, and Jack went off to peruse more classified Cerberus files, and chuckled when I saw the long, long line of requisition requests. I looked over at Shepard, who looked sheepishly back at me, pun very much intended, and then grinned as I walked over to her and perused the list.

I immediately approved the ones dealing with the Normandy upgrades. The Thanix Mk. III had been developed by my company for top-secret Turian agencies, and where the original Thanix Cannon that had been in the game was powerful, the Mark III was almost unfathomable. A brand new CBT-based multi-core shielding design far superior to those available even through military channels was a definite boon, and several more upgrades including better armour, lasers, thrusters, fuel cells, stealth systems, and even medical bays were all approved straight off the bat.

As I sat down she ran me through the reasoning behind her other choices, and there wasn't a single one that I denied. Her reasoning was infallible, and I especially liked the idea of purchasing a secure compound where the families of the crew could evacuate to at a moment's notice. I'd amended it to the actual creation of a top-secret underground facility that would make what Sanctuary should have been look like some primitive huts, and then forwarded everything through to the dispatch division of ERCS. They were made aware that the compound was classified as a Black operation, and that no paper _or_ electronic records were to be kept. All contractors would be heavily vetted, and at the end of it all have one of our top Asari Matriarchs seal the knowledge of the job away – never to be retrieved.

I wanted to make damn sure that if everything went to shit and the Reapers did win that that _one_ colony would survive into the new cycle and carry forth our legacies.

It was getting to the point where my mind was becoming increasingly crowded with plots and plans to deal with what I knew of the future, and I was both eager and terribly frightened about telling Erin just who I was. I needed somebody else to help me with my plans; to bounce ideas off… but at the same time I was terrified of just how she would react. We'd finally decided to give a romantic relationship a try, and I wasn't about to hide things from her when she was the galaxy's hope as well as my partner. Even if she did 'dump me' because of who I was she'd still get the benefits of my plans, because I wouldn't abandon her just because of that, but I really liked what we had. Losing that would be heart-wrenching.

And so as she read more about the top-secret projects ERCS was undertaking I battled with myself. Deep down I always knew what the answer would be, but it didn't make the decision any easier. "Hey Erin," I started, and words deserted me for a moment as those enrapturing green eyes looked up to meet mine, "um… I really need to tell you some things, so… could we go somewhere more private?"

She frowned, confused and not a little bit worriedly, at me before nodding, and I helped her up – memorising the feel of her hand knowing full well that it may be the last time I ever got to touch her in such a way. It wasn't my fault Jeff was essentially dead because of me; I was a fusion of him and me, but I was truly afraid of just how she would look at me when all was said and done. Would she still see me as me? Would she break off our relationship even before it really begun? Would she hate me? Look at me like a freak?

All these things were hurtling violently around in my head as we headed up to the top level in the elevator, and I felt slightly nauseous. She walked into the room first, and I spent several very long seconds setting all my self-made devices in the room to the top privacy level. An entire geth mainframe would have trouble listening in. I finally sat down on the couch, and Erin sat on the other side looking worriedly at me. "James… are you okay?"

I nearly chuckled at the absurdity of the question, and shrugged before raising my eyes and staring at her. "You tell me."

It took me five hours to tell her everything; from my old life and the Mass Effect games to this life and how I had come to be here, and throughout it all the only things she had said were small interruptions to confirm or clarify things. I finished feeling emotionally drained and, with my feelings on it all, hoping that my last-ditch attempt would work in salvaging what we had. "At first I'd just planned on working from the shadows, staying under the radar and keeping out of suspicion… but I just couldn't. I met you and realised that I wanted to be friends, and then I started interacting with everybody else and… I felt like I fitted in, you know?"

Not a single expression flickered across her face, and I sighed before looking down at my lap. "So I became your friend instead of just a friendly acquaintance, I accepted who I was – not Jeff, not James, but me… I got better, worked harder, became the best I could be all the while getting closer to you. I knew from the moment I saw you that you were unlike any other person I'd ever met, and to be honest I'd had feelings for you for years but that disability just… held me back from ever becoming more than just a sarcastic, funny helmsman to you." I looked up at her, and damn near pleaded. "Goddamn it Erin I don't want this to fuck up everything we have, because it's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Now I saw a flicker of understanding, and her expression slowly turned into one of contemplation. I could feel her eyes boring into me; looking through me. It was unnerving, being the object of such brutal scrutiny, but I dropped my guards and hoped with everything that I was that she'd not find me wanting in the areas she was searching. "Did you ever lie to me?"

I was taken aback by the question, but then thought hard for a long time. "I lied to you about being drunk three years ago on New Year's Eve, I lied to you about not liking Nihlus, and I lied to you about feeling less guilt about the hand I had in your death."

I stared her dead in the eye, showing her that I wasn't lying, and eventually she nodded, and a small smile twitched at her lips. What I wasn't expecting was her to stand up, walk over, and sit down next to me before taking my left hand and covering it with both her own; staring deep into my eyes. I doubt I could have looked away even if I had wanted to.

"At first I'll admit that I was furious… I thought you'd killed Jeff to get here, but you really _are_ a fusion. There is no way that you could _not_ be Jeff with the way that you act, and there's no way that we would be where we are if you weren't James… but I've always known you as James. You're still James." She squeezed, and I felt that overwhelming wave of relief cresting, ready to crash down upon me – only halted in expectation and the hope churning in my gut. "You're James; my helmsman, my sparring partner, my best friend, and the man that I'm dating."

I didn't care if it wasn't _manly_; I cried and hugged her. She hugged me back, and we must've just sat there for ten minutes before I realised that I'd made quite a significant wet patch on the shoulder of her hoodie. "Ah shit," I muttered as I wiped at my eyes and pulled away, "sorry."

She looked at where I was looking and then sent me a small smile as she shook her head. "It's no problem," she assured me, but then frowned. "You've been worrying about this for a while, haven't you?"

I nodded and coughed to dislodge all the mucus from my throat. "Yeah… I-I just… as I kept getting closer to you I couldn't stop thinking about the end – where you pretty much die no matter what choice you make."

"Choice?"

I nodded. I still hadn't told her about the end, despite informing her of the crucible and the catalyst. "You have four options," I explained quietly, "given to you by the Catalyst. The first is to take control of the Reapers, but at the expense of your mortal life. You would be absorbed by the catalyst. The second option is to destroy the Reapers, but that option would also get rid of all synthetic life including your implants, the Geth, and AIs like EDI. The third option is synthesis; adding your very essence into the Crucible whereupon synthetic life would merge with organic to create a new form of life."

"And the last option?" she asked, sounding more than a little shaky, and I nodded.

"To not use the crucible and let the cycle continue."

She looked at me, clearly distraught. "I don't want to die."

I did the only thing I could think of at that moment and nodded before pulling her into a hug. "I know, and if I have anything to say about it then you won't have to. We have around a year to come up with a solution, and with my new resources we'll come up with one, because there is no way in hell I'm letting you die."

She hugged me tighter, and I was the one now giving comfort. I didn't mind at all. After five minutes I realised just how big of a day we'd had; both mentally and physically draining. Exhaustion hit me like a freight train out of nowhere, and I debated for a moment before picking Erin up; one arm around her back and the other underneath her knees. She looked up at me, her eyes red-rimmed and looking surprised, and I smiled reassuringly down at her before gently placing her down on the bed. I think she was too overwhelmed by everything to care that I undressed her down to her underwear, and I know that I was too tired and drained to even think of anything remotely sexual.

After today I knew that we needed one single thing, and that was comfort. I turned the lights off and lay down next to her, and then pressed a kiss to her forehead – getting a wide-eyed look and a stunningly vibrant blush from the woman beside me. I cupped her cheek, feeling the heat increase underneath my fingertips, and looked at her. "I promise that I'll find a way to get you out of this alive."

She looked so hopeful, and yet at the same time so broken, that I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. I'd just told her that she died no matter what in the game, because in my book that single breath at the end of the destroy ending just didn't count, and I couldn't fathom just how that made her feel… but I knew one thing.

There was no way in hell I was ever going to put the placard with the name Erin Shepard on the memorial wall.


	6. Chapter 6

I had an idea, and the moment it popped into my head I was out of bed like a rocket, leaving a groaning, half-awake Shepard in my wake. I'd only had time to grab my pants on the way out, so I ended up running onto the CIC shirtless and shoeless. Add to that the fact that everybody knew I was staying in Shepard's room and that I was running to Mordin I doubt there was a single clean thought in the immediate vicinity, but I really couldn't care less. Mordin looked up from his research bench where he was studying one of the insectoid creatures from the seeker swarms, and raised an eyebrow.

"Elevated alertness, lack of attire… hmmm, birth control needed?"

"An ark," I blurted out, "how small could you make an ark?"

Mordin frowned at me. "Ark… human term – based off Christian bible. Collection of all species to preserve life after great flood."

"Yes yes," I said, irritated, "but what if rather than whole creatures I wanted an 'ark' that contained samples of every 'DNA' in the galaxy?"

"Including plants?"

"Yes," I affirmed, "everything. As comprehensive as possible."

The way I saw it, in the game the Synthesis ending was the most preferable. Peace between synthetics and organics, the Reapers helping us rebuild, surpassing mortality, instant transfer of information, and the improvement of the universe through the knowledge of those that came before us. If the Crucible took Shepard's DNA and managed to do all that, then what could it do with samples of _every_ unique DNA structure? "The DNA will also have to be kept alive… so perhaps a stem cell from each organism?" I suggested, and Mordin hummed for several moments before nodding thoughtfully.

"Possible. Huge undertaking, likely very expensive." Yeah… I had money to burn. "One cell per major variation," he rambled, "Asari reproduced with many different species… many variations, comprehensive you say? Hmm… very complex, life support system as well as control to prevent replication – but alive? Will need specialized equipment. Vessel?"

"Small," I repeated dryly, and the hyperactive Salarian nodded.

"Hmmm… must wonder why you would require such a thing. Possible contingency against Reaper success? Dangerous…" he sighed, "other races could use DNA for malicious purposes."

I rolled my eyes; all I'd wanted was a ballpark hypothesis. Mordin saw my expression and clicked his tongue. "Irritated… very curious, suggests time is of the essence. Would guess… fifty billion cells. End to end one thousand two hundred and fifty kilometers long." I damn near coughed, but the good Professor was not at all done with his maniacally complex and mind-boggling without-a-calculator calculations. "But unrealistic," he mused, "separate compartments to prevent contamination – very important with dextro and amino-based cells – zero point zero zero one two five meters cubed. Minimum."

I frowned, and then quickly ran the numbers through my head and got one thousand two hundred and fifty cubic centimeters – so a vessel with the same volume as a two liter milk bottle probably. It'd be clunky, and a pain in the ass to carry, but it was my best bet for the time being. "Thanks Professor," I offered as I walked out of the room and leaned against the wall in the small space between the lab and the CIC, and within moments I was drafting a letter to my personal project division at ERCS; the best of the best. I hadn't gotten much sleep last night because of the terror I'd seen in Erin's face at the thought of dying, so I'd had ample time to think about the problem.

So my orders to my team was to get live stem cell samples from every single living organism in the galaxy; a monumental undertaking, but I had the feeling they could do it. By contacting botanical and zoological factions in leading biological companies we could likely get all the material we needed within a few months, and from that point on it was just a matter of devising an appropriate transport medium that could withstand pretty much everything. I'd told them to brainstorm ideas on how to get the size of the Ark Mark II down (so shoot me if I thought it was kind of a cool name) and keep the cells alive, and then left them to it. I wasn't a biologist.

The door hissed open beside me and Miranda Lawson froze when she saw me half-naked leaning against the hull. She seemed quite conflicted as I looked her over, but she finally opened her mouth to spout her usual Cerberus bull-

"Thank you." I almost choked on my own spit. My surprise must have shown because she frowned and looked down at her shoes. "You were right about Ori… my sister. Niket told my father about her." I nodded, still rather speechless, and she sighed. "I know I've been a bitch, but you and Commander Shepard are breaking so many rules it's not funny."

"We're-"

"Private contractors," she finished dryly, "I know, but it doesn't mean it doesn't annoy me."

"You have to be quite heavily invested in someone to do them the honour of telling them you're annoyed with them," I quoted wittily, and I got a raised eyebrow in return. "Look, you're not the only one annoyed. I'm annoyed about your blind faith in Cerberus." She crossed her arms, immediately taking the defensive, and I held my hands up disarmingly. "If you think you can manage it then talk to Jack sometime and ask what Cerberus did to her. If that doesn't convince you that Cerberus is wrong then take a look at the classified mission reports that Jack reads."

Miranda sighed, "She seems to attribute the rogue experiments to Cerberus."

Ummm… "Maybe because they _are_ attributed to Cerberus?"

She looked at me haughtily. "Cerberus would never partake in such vulgar experiments."

Now I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms. "Do you know the ratio of sanctioned to rogue experiments within Cerberus?" She frowned, not knowing what I was getting at, and I completed my thought. "Two to one. Half. That means that every second experiment within Cerberus goes rogue." She looked surprised, and I'm sure I did too. "You didn't know? Do some reading. It's also rather funny how only experiments that don't work go rogue. The ones that come with success are beautified and then archived. I could get you some of the unedited transcripts to sanctioned operations if you'd like." ERCS kept some blackmail material against Synthetic Insights and Binary Helix. The latter especially had some very nasty contracts with Cerberus that had come to fruition.

Now Miranda looked troubled, and I liked that a lot. "I would quite like to see those reports."

"Well Jack was going to get them anyways so I'll forward you a copy as well, and I would appreciate it if the Illusive Man didn't discover just who gave them to you – I'd rather live a little bit longer." She looked at me, confused, and I stared back at her deadpan. "Please don't tell me you think your boss would let me live after exposing him for being a manipulative, cruel, evil monster."

She looked dubious, and I almost face-palmed at her naivety. Good Lord she was brainwashed and blinded by those lovely, idyllic ideals that the Illusive Man had spouted off to her. Yes, Jack Harper was one very charismatic man – so much so that he'd fooled a woman whose genetics were perfect. Apparently her mind wasn't completely synchronized with that perfection. I waved my hand in a 'whatever' motion before heading back out onto the CIC, once more garnering stares, and then hopped into the elevator before punching the button for the Captain's Quarters. I made sure to knock just in case Shepard was getting dressed, and when I was bade entry I rocked on in to see her reading a report at her desk; fully dressed. She looked me appreciatively over, getting a pair of red cheeks from me, and sent me a small smirk before returning her attention to her work as I finished getting dressed.

"You didn't go anywhere dressed like that, did you?"

"Just the CIC," I replied flippantly, and she snorted before falling silent once more. I wondered what she'd do when she heard that I actually _had_ done that. When I checked my messaging account I grinned. One Gillian nar Idenna had replied to my message, and seemed very, very interested in coming aboard. I'd told her all about how Erin, Garrus, Kasumi, Jack, and I were very much anti-Cerberus, and how we were planning a coup of sorts in the ship, and after hearing my plan on how to get her aboard without any Cerberus operative being any the wiser… well, she liked the idea. A lot.

I quickly ran a complete erase on the message to make it unsalvageable and then sat back on the couch, propped my feet on the table, and proceeded to get my new daily work on ERCS done and dusted. There were several funding requests, two of which I denied because they were a little too immoral; some talk about pay rises that I agreed to through the use of shares that the employees would hold in the company, and which they would have to sell back upon leaving; an expansion request for Novaria which got a green light; and finally a shareholder's meeting scheduled for four o'clock that afternoon. EDI agreed to represent my interests by impersonating my one million fake shareholders, and I was set after an hour of work.

Erin followed me down to breakfast where she promptly snapped her head around to look at me when the rumours about me showing up half-naked in the CIC got a little loud, before blushing and looking away when I winked at her. An hour later and I was pulling us out of the next relay and heading into Illium. The docking authorities were all very co-operative, no doubt because of Liara's influence, and my ERCS contacts were reporting that they were all in position to transfer all the gear I'd ordered, as well as begin the retro-fitting of the new upgrades. The moment we docked I opened the airlock and immediately ten engineers walked in – much to the shock of the entire crew – whereupon I greeted them and led the small procession to the Main Battery where they would oversee the fitting of the Thanix canon from the inside.

Miranda met me outside of the Battery looking mightily annoyed, but was headed off by Erin who told her that my actions were supported by her authority. The raven-haired operative looked very offended at essentially being told that I was above her rank on the ship, but managed to still her tongue and walk off with a taught yet civil nod. So while the Cerberus crew were left floundering and my ERCS guys and gals were working on making my ship as close in power to Sovereign as possible, I headed on out with Garrus and Erin. All of us were dressed casually despite the fact that we had pistols magnetised to our thighs and shield generators under our hoodies – yes, Garrus has a hoodie too – and gained a surprised look from the asari that greeted us and pointed us in the direction of Liara's new office.

The trading floor was no different in regards the reception we received and I whistled to myself while Shepard went and talked to the Rachni-affiliated asari. I had to admit that when she went all black-eyed she looked kinda freaky – no offence to them, but I'd rather have green eyes staring into mine during sex than black.

But that was just me I think.

So Garrus threw around some crude jokes, one of which made me snort rather ineloquently, and then Erin came back and we were off again. Garrus must have caught me looking at her butt swaying enticingly side-to-side, because half-way to Liara's office he whispered a, "What would she say if she knew you were staring?"

Erin, as quick as ever, had turned around and informed him, "I'd say that I'm flattered, and that you, Vakarian, should keep your eyes firmly ahead while my _boyfriend_ enjoys the benefits of being just that."

I'd been blushing up a storm at having been caught out, Garrus had snapped his head to look at something in the distance looking kinda scared, and Erin looked a mixture between pleased and embarrassed. When we walked up the stairs to Liara's office my eyes were glued to her butt, and before she could catch me out again I fell in step with her and leaned down to her ear. "You have a simply magnificent behind."

I think Liara's secretary thought that a living tomato had arrived for a moment, and I hid my smirk as best I could to try and present that lovely 'I'm awesome' façade. Erin glowered at me over her shoulder, but I could see that excitement in her eyes. Deep down she loved it. When we walked into the room, being bidden entry by Nyxeris, Liara was right in the middle of that memorable call where we suddenly see she isn't quite the innocent asari we left behind in Mass Effect 1. Erin looked surprised, and I cleared my throat before Liara could make the 'flay alive' comment. Her head snapped around in surprise, and when she saw all three of us standing there she immediately ended the call and walked over to embrace Erin. "Shepard," she managed with a wide grin, but she wasn't fooling anybody – she was nervous as hell about what we thought of her seeing her make threats.

She turned to me, looking surprised, and I grinned cheekily before stepping forwards and pulling her into a firm hug. "Good to see you again Liara," I said, and then pulled back before giving her a cursory once-over. She stammered, probably wondering just why my ribcage wasn't dust after the embrace, and I just smiled genially before making room for Garrus. I'd never really liked her in the games, not that I hated her, but she just seemed a little… artificial for my liking. Hell, even EDI had more character. In my opinion at least.

Garrus shook her hand with his mandibles flickering in happiness. "Liara, good to see that you're well."

"Erm…" she squeezed out before a forced smile was pushed onto her face, "yes, it is good to see you all as well." She turned to me, genuinely confused. "I must confess, however, that I am surprised that James is here."

And there was what pissed me off about her; that slight superiority complex that she hid behind that gentle exterior. Erin's face twitched in annoyance, and I was flattered that she was getting irritated because of the way I was being treated. I, however, was a big boy and so had no problem in speaking my mind for myself. "I am right here you know."

She looked at me with a raised eyebrow that drew my ire further. "I don't understand."

"Well rather than talking like I'm not in the room you could've just asked me whatever's on your mind."

I saw the small flickering of a smirk twitch at the asari's lips, and watched out of my peripheral vision as Erin's knuckles turned white against her side. I reached up and squeezed her shoulder before stepping forwards, eliciting a more visible smirk this time from the asari, and then in a sudden movement I pulled my pistol and aimed it right at her head. Her reaction was almost immediate, and I found myself encased in her stasis field a second later.

Oh but I wasn't done. I'd been charging my Omni-tool for the past two hours in preparation for this moment, and with a huge crackle the white barrier surrounding me shattered; allowing me to move once more. In less than a second I was behind her and had a gun to her temple, and judging by the way Erin's eyes were glittering with restrained laughter and approval Liara was rather wide-eyed and shocked. I lowered the gun after I'd felt I'd made my point, and holstered it before walking back to beside Shepard, my own smirk on my face. "Despite the fact that we were once teammates," I finished, "I won't hesitate to put you in your place. You don't have the right to think yourself superior to me."

Yeah, that felt _so_ damn good. It was a total renegade action, and Garrus looked at me with a raised eyebrow – clearly not having expected such daring from me. Liara still looked shell-shocked that she'd been beaten by a _mere human_, let alone one she considered a cripple. Erin crossed her arms looking smug herself, and leaned slightly back on her right foot – the Shepard Stance™. "We were wondering if you would help us look for an assassin and a Justicar."

"Thane Krios and Samara respectively," I added, and Shepard stifled yet another smirk at my knowledge of the 'future'.

Liara had finally gotten over her shock, and now had her own arms folded as she tried to suppress her irritation at me showing her up. "I am afraid that I have no information on either of those people."

Oh you sore loser. "Then your contact Officer Dara," thank you intelligence division at ERCS, "in shipping wouldn't be any help for Justicar Samara, now would she? Having been assigned to track her?" I saw Liara's jaw clench, and continued on as if I totally wasn't aware that I was pissing her off. "And that Thane Krios arrived three days ago to begin his assassination of Nassana Dantius. Your informant Seryna wouldn't know a thing about this though… right?"

She was mixed parts angry and gobsmacked, though I tried to move in on the latter emotion – I don't think I had enough Eezo stored to take care of another biotic attack from her. "Well if you knew all that then why did you even come here?" she asked sharply, thinly veiled anger threatening to break through.

"To see an old friend," Erin replied near-icily, "and to see if you wanted to join us, or if we could offer you any assistance. I see now that perhaps I was mistaken in thinking of you as somebody who could return that favour."

Liara's cold expression almost vaporized on the spot, and she scrambled to salvage the situation. "I apologise, Shepard… I have been under a lot of stress lately."

"That doesn't give you the right to treat my boyfriend like he's a worthless, insignificant cripple."

Liara's jaw slackened as her eyes darted between the two of us, and I really, really tried not to smirk. I don't think I managed though, because despite my mental commands I could feel my lips curving upwards. Erin was too irritated to smile, and Liara stammered once more before taking in a deep breath and turning to me. "I apologize, James." I searched her eyes for sincerity, and found it almost overwhelming. The tightness in her brow and the small twitch of her jaw that made her cheekbones more defined for a moment, however, suggested that she was simply a very, very good actor. But if she could _act_ civil, then so could I – as I said, I didn't hate her, she just irritated me.

"Apology accepted," I smiled slightly back.

Erin looked across at me with her eyes narrowed slightly in question, and I gave a small shrug and a jerk of my head. She seemed to get the message that I'd tell her later, and turned back to Liara. "Well since Joker seems to already know where we're going we'll drop by again later."

Liara nodded, but I had one last bombshell to drop before leaving. Nonchalantly, as if it didn't matter much at all, I waved my hand goodbye over my shoulder with a parting, "Oh, and you secretary Nyxeris just so happens to be a Shadow Broker agent codenamed 'The Watcher'. Caio!"

I could see her reflection in the door a moment before it hissed open and we walked out, and I would forever cherish the memory. "Smart-ass," I heard my girlfriend mutter beside me, and stifled my grin as I waved at Nyxeris, who smiled confusedly back completely unaware that Liara was about to go nuclear on her ass. I led my two companions down to the transport hub and pointed Erin to the police station, and she nodded to me with a small smile as she once again took the lead. She would always be the leader on missions, and I wasn't about to jeopardize that image by strolling on ahead of her.

Our talk with the police chief there was wonderfully un-bureaucratic and frank, and it was a breath of fresh air to meet somebody in law enforcement that didn't have a six foot pole stuck somewhere rather unpleasant, and who agreed with our views on red tape. We were granted access to the active operation scene, and headed into it with our Katana out – as we'd all had them strapped to our backs underneath our hoodies. It was slightly risky going into the situation without armour, but since I already knew where Morinth would be we'd only have to go as far as Samara was. We silently darted from cover to cover until we were a mere meter away from the first group of mercenaries, and within three seconds they were all dead.

Shields didn't pick up objects like great big, long blades apparently.

The second group didn't fare much better, only they were lured into an ambush by Garrus after which Shepard and I had come from above like harbingers of death – too melodramatic? Perhaps, but it felt pretty badass. And then we came to the door, which hissed open at our approach. Shepard dodged to the side with wide eyes as an Eclipse Merc slammed into the wall right beside where she'd been standing, and glowered at my amused expression. Yes, Erin, I knew that was going to happen. "Nice reflexes," I smirked, and her glower deepened as she reached over and punched me in the arm.

Our attention snapped back – pun intended – to the Justicar when we all heard her victim's neck crack under her foot, and she looked back at us with unnerving calm. "My name is Samara, a servant of the Justicar Code. My quarrel is with these Eclipse sisters, but I see three well-armed people before me." She walked right up to Erin, as if knowing instinctively that she was in charge, and stared her unwaveringly in the eye. "Are we friend, or foe?"

Erin gave a small smile and crossed her arms. "Friends… My name is Commander Shepard, and I came here to ask if you would join my crew; I need the best in my mission against the Collectors."

I saw Samara's eyes sweep over the bloody, crystal katana we all held in our hands, pointed unthreateningly at the ground, and her eyes met mine for a moment. I couldn't help but shiver; it was as if she was seeing right into my soul and judging me. I didn't break eye-contact though, I made sure of that, I could have sworn that a smile twitched at her lips before she returned her attention to Erin. "I am afraid that I cannot help you on your mission. I am in-"

"Persuit of a fugitive," I finished, and her eyes turned to look at me, surprised.

"Yes. I am curious as to how you know this."

I shrugged and continued, ignoring her curiosity. "Morinth the Ardat-Yakshi, also your daughter, is aboard the AML Demeter headed to Omega." Thank you meditation and hours of concentration to remember that name!

The infinite calm in her eyes disappeared quite quickly, and they narrowed as she stared at me. "Nobody should know of that information." I shrugged again, not offering any explanation, and her eyes narrowed for a moment before she nodded and turned to Erin. "Very well. If your information turns out to be accurate then I will pledge myself to your mission against the Collectors."

Erin nodded and smiled again. "Excellent. Would you like to accompany us to our ship? I'll need to get into some proper armour for my next mission."

Samara nodded genially and then gave me another searching look before falling in-behind us three. I'd already told Erin about what she'd face during the mission to get Thane, so there really wasn't much to talk about. I caught a raised eyebrow from Samara when she saw the usually-serious Shepard giggle and squeeze in with me in the back-seat, and smiled slightly back at her as I wrapped an arm around my girlfriend's shoulders. God, even just thinking of her as my girlfriend made me feel giddy with happiness. Samara smiled slightly back and seemed to relax a little, and Garrus, who was sitting on my other side, was looking a little embarrassed with how doting Erin and I were being with each other.

When we arrived at the docking bay Erin and I stopped being quite so affectionate, and Samara seemed to understand that we hadn't gone officially public with our relationship yet. I got an understanding nod from her and smiled thankfully back, and knew that sometime soon she was going to want to have a little chat with me about just how I knew so much. I wasn't really looking forward to that conversation.

Shepard decided on taking Garrus and Jack with her on the mission to get the Assassin as I'd begged off this time around; preferring to get some more practice before heading into combat again. I pecked Shepard good-luck on the cheek, just brushing the edge of her lips, and she had sent me a leg-melting smile before squeezing my hand and heading off to go and get changed into her armour. When the door had hissed shut I was left standing alone with Samara, and after a moment my dreamy reverie was broken by a calmly spoken, "You care deeply for the Commander, and she cherishes you as well."

I turned around and leaned against the door, a giddy smile still on my face from the slight touch mine and Erin's lips had shared, and nodded unashamedly. "I do, and she does. We are dating currently."

"You are also sleeping together." I stared at her, a little gobsmacked, and she explained her reasoning concisely and serenely. "You both automatically knew which position was the most comfortable for you during our journey to the Normandy, and when we stepped into the elevator you begun reaching to press the button to the top floor, but stopped yourself."

"Ah…" man I felt like an idiot, "a bit of a giveaway that…"

"Yes," she agreed, "it was quite revealing."

I felt the awkward silence seep in-between us, though I had the feeling that she felt quite calm and un-awkward, and I eventually got so edgy that I just had to push our conversation along. "Sooooo… you're probably wondering just how I know all the stuff I do."

She looked to me, her pale blue eyes staring unnervingly into mine, and nodded. "It was a concern of mine."

"I own Elanus Risk Control Services, and we have a substantial intelligence division – one that is probably close to the Shadow Broker in strength. The difference between us and him is that we don't sell our information off to the highest bidder."

I was making sure to manage my micro-expressions to keep my half-truth looking like the full truth, and after several seconds she nodded before turning to stare out into the void. "That relieves my fears that I was so easily found out," she told me quietly.

I debated whether or not to reveal more information, but knew that we'd be heading to Omega next anyways on the way to Halstrom to recruit Tali… so really there'd be no harm done. "Your daughter Morinth is a predator," I said as I calmly took a seat behind her, "and so it truly wouldn't surprise me if, when we arrive on Omega, she has already taken a victim's life." I saw her jaw clench, even if her expression didn't alter in the slightest, and sighed as I decided to do another stupid thing. "I would request that you use me as bait rather than Shepard to lure Morinth in."

This got the Justicar's attention, and she stared at me with raised eyebrows. "I feel the need to inquire why."

"Two reasons," I explained as I looked out the huge window. "Firstly, I wish to see whether I am able to resist her allure as such a thing could very well be necessary in the coming war."

She nodded her assent to that statement after a moment's thinking, "Very well, I understand your reasoning. The second reason?"

I looked her dead in the eyes this time, and didn't have to lie to mean it. "I don't want Erin facing her."

This time the small smile on her lips wasn't stifled, and she looked out at the stars with a nod. "With such short lifespans your species must adapt to find love fast… and your loyalty is inspiring."

Oh if only she knew that with my plan of action we'd all be immortal, but that was beside the point. I shrugged and looked her reflection's eyes. "I am falling in love with her. I am sure you yourself know what protective feelings such emotion brings."

I saw a flash of pain flicker across her face, and her reply was halting. "My… experiences with love, unfortunately, have brought me only pain."

"So your love for Falare and Rila is only painful?"

Her head snapped around to look at me, but I was genuinely curious, and she obviously saw that… but now she was suspicious again. "The names of those in the monastery are not kept on record anywhere."

"Who said we accessed records?" I asked her simply, "We have people everywhere, Samara, and while before I owned the company it was sometimes used for malicious purposes… now we're on the straight and narrow. I mention your daughters, Samara, because of something a very, very wise man once said: 'Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny'." She didn't need to know that it was Yoda, she looked confused enough already. I sat forward and put my elbows on my knees to leave my hands free for gesturing. "Despite your Code, Samara, anger bubbles in you for what Morinth has done. And your other daughters, the ones who have isolated themselves for the safety of others… you fear that they will become the monster that Morinth has."

The flicker in her eyes, though almost imperceptible, was enough for me to gather that I'd hit the nail dead on the head. "What is your point young one?"

I was a little insulted by that, and I had the feeling that that was why she'd said it. "Considering your unfounded and irrational reactions, Samara, I'd think that right about now I'm being wiser than you are." I saw her eyes narrow a fraction, but despite the threat of a highly trained and un-loyal-to-Shepard Justicar I wasn't going to back down; she needed to hear this. "Your daughters will _always_ be different from Morinth; they showed that the day they took the offer of isolated sanctuary and your wayward daughter didn't. I have absolute faith that if they came back into society they wouldn't cause a single problem. Hell, even if they took a _lover_ I doubt they'd cause any problems. They know what they are, they know what the penalties for using their abilities are… they don't need a building to force them to keep to _their_ Code."

Samara looked like I'd just walloped her one around the face with a big, fat, slimy tuna. Gobsmacked for her was a slightly open mouth and wide eyes, but GOD it felt good! I sat forwards further, looking imploringly to her. "In this coming war, Samara, things are going to become very, very bad. Worse than I think any of us can fathom." The reason for that was because I was going to keep as close as I could to the original timeline as possible so that I still had an idea of what the future would bring. "_When_ the Reapers come, not _if_ but _when_, everybody is going to be in danger. I cannot afford, and the _galaxy_ cannot afford, having its top fighters distracted by thoughts of loved ones, or grief for those that have died close to them. It's because of this that I'm trying to get you to see reason with your Rila and Falere."

Still digesting the bombshell of logic I'd previously delivered she looked at me, even more confused. "I do not understand."

"Using my contacts and resources," I explained, "I am building a top-secret sanctuary deep underground on a planet that will remain nameless for the time being. Once we have a confirmed Reaper presence I will activate Ghost Protocol," because let's just admit it, doesn't it sound awesome?

"Ghost protocol?" Samara questioned me as she carefully sat down opposite me, and I nodded.

"Right. That means that whoever is with us and are heavy-hitters in the war will be offered sanctuary for their family and friends at this compound of ours – though they will be thoroughly vetted before being put on the transports just to make sure that the facility is not compromised. That way they can rest easy knowing that their loved ones are taken care of and are safe. And despite your unease about letting your daughters leave the Monastery I would urge you to let them go to the sanctuary. The compound itself will be 'black'; completely blocked from all communication saves several Asari matriarchs in our employ that will ferry messages backwards and forth through mind-melds."

Samara looked slightly awed, something that I was under no doubts happened very rarely. "I see… and it will also be a safeguard should the Reapers win." I nodded and she looked at me, now clear-eyed and trusting. "The facility must be huge."

I grinned. "You have no idea."

It had to be big to house the hundreds, possibly thousands of people that would be living there; capable of withstanding hundreds of years living hidden underground; had to be completely self-sustaining in regards food, water, for both amino and dextro-based lifeforms. The plans had been passed to me by one of the courier matriarchs when Erin had been showing Samara the CIC, and they were amazing… and already being put into action. The complex would be housed on Grosalgen; a planet made up of ice and rock, and whose core was stone-cold, an important feature because if it was heated then there was the possibility that the ice would move… and that just wouldn't be good at all.

And it was five hundred kilometres underground that the facility would be built. A hollow would be constructed; five thousand meters deep and with a radius of twenty kilometres. Within that a huge space a dome made of two meter thick KC3 would be erected, a metal that was more awesome than Adamantium, where the plates would be eventually fused together by passing a Mass Effect field through it which would solidify it into its final state: KX9. KX9 was pretty much indestructible, and was a 'dead' metal, meaning nothing could really get through it, the big thing there being communications and scans. There were other metals just as strong, some with more diverse properties too, but there were two reasons the designers had chosen KC3. One, it was cheap to manufacture – which was good considering I was going to be spending billions on the settlement itself, and two, it just so happened to have the same density as ice when it was changed into KX9.

Yeah, all the Reapers were going to see was a big chunk of ice, i.e. nothing considering the planet _was_ ice.

While the protections were incredible the draft designs for the colony itself were just mind-boggling. The architects, who had done an incredible job in getting even the base plans down in under twenty four hours, had come up with a tier system. All in all there would be five of them.

The bottom level, dubbed the Working Floor, would cover the entire bottom floor of the dome, and would serve as the visible base, as beneath it would house all of the technology to keep the self-sustaining eco-system alive. Half of the 'base' tier would be used as farmland while the other half would be taken up by the accommodations. Nearly two hundred meters above the first tier, and latched onto the wall of the dome a wee way around so that it didn't overshadow the base tier, was the 'living' tier, which would be dominated by areas for the inhabitants to mingle and enjoy themselves. Gardens, libraries, gyms, pools, the eating hall, and even such liberties as a theatre and a dance club and bar.

The third tier, another two hundred meters above and a few kilometres around from the two tiers below so as not to hang over them, would hold the 'working' facilities. The school, preschool, and daycare would all be built there, as well as the University, technological institute, and hospital.

The final tier would hold the 'government' of the colony… though there was a platform right at the very top of the dome that had been in the plans, proposed by a rather daredevil Salarian on the project who liked the idea of base-jumping. I wholeheartedly approved.

Just as I had employed my lovely little thief on a whim, I too had an idea to propose to the woman in front of me. "Before I go and train for a while, as well as make some reservations for my date with Erin tonight, I was wondering if you would be able to give me your thoughts on a matter to do with this sanctuary?"

She looked interested at me asking for advice where I had previously seemed like the one with all the answers, and nodded. "I will answer if I am able."

"The records and messages left behind by previous cycles suggest that the Reapers took hundreds of years to fully wipe out all the life they wanted to destroy before retreating, and if that is the case then the sanctuary will be more than that and will have to become a colony with all that entails. A year, perhaps, I could see this refuge surviving before authority would need to be more strictly established."

"You are referring to a government and law enforcement?" she asked, and I nodded.

"Yes, but the problem is that I have no idea who I would put in such positions. I would need the law enforcement to be insusceptible to coercion or corruption, and the same would be needed for the government." I looked at her and smiled, "And the one group in the galaxy who I could see upholding that? The Order."

Her eyebrows rose. "We will be needed during the war to uphold our duties," she informed me, and I stared at her as I cocked my head to the side.

"Will you? It will be chaos, and I have the feeling that if you spoke to your superiors about it all they would agree that it could be a good safeguard." I could tell I had her intense interest once more, and so I endeavoured to explain my reasoning. "If the Reapers _do_ win then The Order will be wiped out, of that there is no doubt. By having Justicars in the sanctuary it would make sure that the teachings of The Order would live on, and that the Code would survive… and the fact that Asari live for hundreds of years and so can therefore live out the isolation is also a boon."

Now she looked contemplative as she mused over my proposal. "Your idea has… merit, Mister White, but I cannot speak for a single other Justicar, let alone the entire Order. Do you wish me to pass your suggestion on to them?"

"Only if it is imparted with the utmost secrecy," I told her, and I was deadly serious. Asari couriers were the method of communication on this project, _everybody_ was vetted by matriarch, and plans were only put down on _paper_ which would be well and truly atomized once it was no longer needed. "Word of mouth with complete electronic isolation if at all possible. All of our galaxy's races arguably depend on this succeeding."

She nodded her understanding, and I smiled before standing and holding out my hand. She stared at it curiously, and I chuckled before helping her manouver her hand into mine before shaking it. "It's called a hand-shake; it's a human tradition that means that an agreement has been reached… usually. It can also be used as a greeting, or when meeting somebody for the first time." I really couldn't help what I did next, and stared at her seriously before motioning that she should stand.

My next lesson was epic.

Five hours later when Erin finally returned to the ship with Kasumi and Garrus in tow Samara and I were waiting for her. I was trying so, so, so hard not to giggle I must have looked constipated. I felt my diaphragm spasm when Samara stepped forward and held out her hand to Shepard, but pointed slightly upwards, and Erin looked at me suspiciously before doing the natural thing and giving the 'bro' handshake; you know the one – the one Shepard gave Grunt or Anderson in the game.

Only Samara wasn't done. Leaning into Shepard she hugged her slightly with her free hand; their clasped ones pressed in-between them for a moment, before stepping back, releasing the shake, flinging her arms out wide with her hands pointed slightly downwards, and then with as deep a tone as she could manage and dead-serious face, said, "Whud up!"

Dead, impenetrable silence as well as gaping jaws, at least until I snorted, and then proceeded to collapse to the floor howling with laughter. I saw through my tears that Shepard was still staring at the Justicar with complete and utter shock, and then Kasumi grinned, stepped forwards, crossed her arms in a very gangsta-like fashion, nodded, and said, "Sup sista!"

Oh god I think I cracked a rib.


	7. Chapter 7

If you've ever gone to a formal, yes that's akin to a flipping 'Prom' to the Neanderthals out there, then you might have some approximation of what I was feeling as I waited outside the airlock of the Normandy. Only, perhaps you should add a couple of things to that image. Firstly, I was dressed to the nines in a suit worthy of the Illusive Man, so this was a formal affair. Secondly, the Normandy crew was looking at me in confusion, and several of the females with obvious attraction and fluttering eyebrows. Thirdly, I was waiting for the most beautiful woman I'd ever met even despite her glowing scars, and she had a reputation the size of the bloody Sol system.

Everybody knew the name Erin Shepard, whether in a positive or negative light it didn't matter; all that mattered was that I was little unknown James White; secret owner of the fifth largest company in the galaxy and an unknown entity in the public's eyes. The Alliance used to have me down as their best pilot before I came and joined Cerberus to be with Shepard again, but that didn't matter because Erin was willing to put her reputation on the line – put herself completely in the public eye with me in a completely, unambiguously romantic manner.

I was so honoured it almost hurt. Eyes swivelled to the elevator when it hissed open, and my jaw, as well as the majority of the crew's I'm sure, dropped.

She looked like a goddess. She walked towards me with a pretty smile and blush; her creamy calves sliding through the slits in her dark purple Cheongsam; clearly defined as they were strained by her three inch black heels. Her short-ish hair was styled to look wind-swept, and I was both surprised but happy that she hadn't worn any makeup. Despite her glowing scars she didn't need it. "You look… just… wow."

Yeah, I was kicking myself for my lack of eloquence, but when that smile lit up her face I kinda forgot about it. "I'm glad I've managed to render the legendary James White speechless," she smirked, but then looked me over with those burning green eyes of hers, a small blush spreading across her cheeks. "You look pretty good too…"

I still didn't have anything more to say, my brain drawing a blank, and so held my arm out to her. She smiled before linking hers with mine, eliciting a new wave of conspiratorial whispers from the on-looking crew, and we stepped into the airlock which immediately opened onto the docking bay. I was sneaking glances at her, still quite shocked that I was actually _dating_ such a beautiful and wonderful woman. She caught me during one of my fleeting look-overs, and blushed as she bashfully lowered her head. Seeing the Great Commander Shepard as nervous as I was about this whole thing made me feel a little better, and I released her arm only to twine my fingers with hers.

She smiled happily up at me, and finally broke the silence. "So where are we going tonight?"

I winked at her. "Somewhere that I've been informed will take our breaths away."

She looked concerned for a moment, and I felt her fingers squeeze mine. "You don't need to impress me."

I looked wryly down at her and raised an eyebrow. "Erin, I earn more money in a week than most earn in a lifetime. If taking you out and pampering you lets you just relax and enjoy life without the Collectors hanging over your head I'd spend all the money I got in a year." She blushed and a pleased smile spread over her face, and I grinned cheekily. "But it didn't come to _quite_ that much."

She laughed and entered the cab first, and I quickly punched in the codes required to get to the front doors of our destination that evening. I watched as Shepard's eyebrows rose higher and higher as _we_ rose higher and higher. "I've never been up here," she told me as she stopped looking out the window and curled into my side, and I smiled down at her.

"To be honest neither have I. I recruited my intelligence division to find the best place for a romantic dinner on Illium."

She slapped my arm looking appropriately scandalised, but I could see the glittering mirth in her eyes. "You didn't!"

"No, I didn't," I told her, but she clearly didn't believe me if the rolling of her eyes was any indication. She was right to not trust me on that. When we pulled up outside the crystal cap of the skyscraper that towered over the rest of Illium she gaped, and I grinned to her before opening the door and holding out my hand. She took it, her fingers dwarfed by mine which I made sure to close over hers as soon as I could, and I headed towards the main doors that led into the infamous 'Alashi' restaurant. My omni-tool was scanned to confirm my identity and reservation, and I was then told to provide the pass-code every client agrees upon; a new one for each visit just to make sure that nobody could get in without a reservation – even previous diners. I saw Shepard blush deep red when I said the word, "Love" and I was pretty sure I was blushing as hard as she was.

"I'm sorry," I apologised, kicking myself as we were guided by a finely dressed Turian to our table, "I didn't at all mean to be presumptuous – I really like you, but love… I understand that it might have made you, well, you know… feel a bit uncomfortable and-"

I was stopped by a finger being pressed to my lips, and found myself staring at my date, agape, when she smiled that small, meaningful smile, traced my cheek, and then slid her hand back into mine before once more following the waiter. Of course I was mentally floundering. If I could see my brain now I was sure I'd see my boss neurons screaming out "RIGHT, WHAT THE _FUCK_ WAS THAT! PRIORITY ONE, GODDAMN IT GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH!" as my action potentials were running around like chickens with their heads cut off and on epinephrine trying to find an answer.

Unfortunately, for all the knowledge I had on FTL protocols, Mass Relay approach vector variables, and even how to kick some arse in hand to hand combat… my brain was turning up a big, whopping, scarily confusing blank as to just what that small action by Erin was about.

I managed not to stutter and make a complete idiot of myself, but I felt like I was getting there. I remembered at the last moment to hold her chair out for her, gently nudging the Turian out of the way with a small glare that I got returned, and she smiled up at me before listening to the Turian who was reading off the specials of the night – the rude bastard hadn't even waited for me to sit down before starting!

I dismissed him rather firmly, not enough to come across as an asshole but just perfect to get across my 'back off buddy' message. I saw Shepard's lips twitch with amusement as the Turian tramped away, a little heavier footed than he had been when leading us to our table, and she looked across at me with a raised eyebrow.

I met her raised eyebrow and raised her a shrug. "What?"

"Protective much?"

I narrowed my eyes and sat back in my chair and crossed my arms. "So what if I am?"

I knew that she was teasing, and I think she knew that I knew too, but I wanted to get a gauge of her reaction to me playing the protective boyfriend. She leaned back, mirroring my pose, but sent me a small smirk. "I never took you for a confrontational type," she informed me playfully, and I nodded seriously.

"Uhuh, neither did Jedore."

"Ooooh," her grin widened, "touché… hinting at something Mister White?"

I really didn't know how to answer that, and so settled for raising an eyebrow and giving her a dry look. She was clearly waiting for an answer, and I honestly didn't have one. It took me nearly five seconds to come back with the one thing I could come up with – topic change. "Hm. So, did Kasumi accost you on the way down?"

She let out a chuckle, looking at me through those long lashes in a way that told me she knew exactly what I was doing, and nodded as she relaxed her arms and clasped her hands on the table. "Yeah… she was waiting outside my cabin."

I snorted, relieved that she wasn't going to push on my fumble in conversation, and also rather glad that the proverbial ice had been broken after the whole 'love' thing that I was still kicking myself about – I mean, really? It'd been a couple of months since 'I' had arrived in this universe, and less since Erin and I had started getting a little bit closer. Even less since we got romantic.

And I went and said the 'L' word. Stupid!

But anyways, back to the topic of Kasumi. "She was waiting for me too; I got changed down in engineering since you haven't woken the tank krogan up yet… still, kinda creepy changing in front of an unconscious dude."

She laughed then, that tinkling, heart-lifting laugh that was very rarely displayed publicly, and she nodded to me. "Uhuh, well next time you can go and change down in-"

"I'd rather _not_ have my willie torn off by a biotic pull, thank you," I said firmly, and got a gob-smacked look before a snort, and then full-blown laughter. Many other patrons looked over with frowns, and when I saw a particularly snooty-seeming Asari glaring at my date I proceeded to put my hand behind my head and wiggle my fingers. Immediately she, which was debatable because according to Liara they are an 'androgynous' species, glared at me, and I waved with my free hand while still wiggling the fingers of my other.

Supposedly it was akin to flipping somebody the bird, only in 'Asari' language. Liara had informed me helpfully in the Mass Effect 1 time-line that it was an insult to the crests that resembled tentacles. The wiggling around brought particular attention to that, and if the furious gesturing I was receiving was anything to go by I had successfully pissed her off.

I watched as Erin slowly calmed down, and she sent me a humoured smirk for my efforts. "Jack wouldn't do that…" my incredulous stare may have just gotten my message across because her smile faltered before she frowned and then decided to rephrase her statement. "Okay, so maybe she would."

"Oh she would," I assured her as I ordered a bottle of sparkling Hayves wine on my Omni-tool; a non-alcoholic asari beverage that I knew Shepard quite liked. "In fact-"

"Do I really want to hear about your escapades with Jack?" she interrupted me teasingly, and I gave a small chuckle before leaning over and putting my hand over her own. She looked down at our fingers and I saw an almost disbelieving smile cross her lips.

I had the feeling I knew why.

"I want you to know _right_ now," I said before she could deny that she was looking like she was, "that you _do_ deserve somebody that loves you for who you are, and who will stand by your side no matter what." Her eyes snapped up to mine the moment I mentioned the 'L' word again, and I smiled before squeezing her hand and waiting until the waiter – a salarian this time – was finished pouring her wine before speaking once more. "Yes, Erin, you have scars. You have more than any person I know; both mental and physical," I saw her eyes sadden before she averted them, but I reached over and raised her chin with my finger; forcing her to look at me. Right at this very moment, at the very beginning of our date, was perhaps one of the most crucial in our entire relationship.

"They make you who you are. I don't care either, because I think you're beautiful – inside and out." She was both shocked by what I was saying and how I was saying it, I was sure. In fact _I_ was shocked at what I was saying. I'd told her she was pretty before… but here I was laying it all out on the table. "Those nightmares you have… they tell me that you're human; that you still care. The scars on your body tell me that you are strong; that you've gone through suffering and yet have come out on top. The way that you protect your squadmates to the utmost of your ability when on a mission tells me that you hold those who you trust close, and that while it is hard to get into your shell it is well worth it if you do. And knowing that I give you access to millions of credits every week, and that you have yet to buy more than a new suit of light armour for yourself… that shows me that you are a woman who is more than worthy of my trust.

"And then there's the fact that despite being Commander Shepard; Savior of the Citadel; ex-N7 captain; Council SPECTRE… and whatever other amazing titles you have… well you're here, dressed up, on a date with little old me – a pilot that most people haven't heard of. To be pretty damn honest I wonder just what in the hell you see in me. I mean pretty much any bloke, or Asari, or woman, or whatever else there is out there… well they'd take you in a heartbeat. You could have _anybody_ except maybe the Illusive Man himself… and I reckon that you could give him a run for his money if you tried."

She was blushing bright red by now and looking down at her plate, but I could see the smile on her lips. I watched as she hurriedly wiped her cheeks, and then looked up at me – the edges of her eyes slightly red. A moment later both of her hands were resting on mine, and she squeezed once before having to snap out of it when our salarian waiter arrived and asked if we were ready to order. I'd been so entranced in our conversation and the words that'd come out of my mouth that I hadn't even thought about dinner, and so I hurriedly accessed the menu on my Omni-tool and perused through it before deciding on a nice, Earthly, 500g beef steak with _actual_ veggies, and a red-wine sauce… done medium rare, of course, and accompanied by a Cab-Sav that the waiter suggested.

Erin went for a Caesar salad, with _real_ chicken (can you believe it? The real chicken I mean…) and another glass of the asari wine to come out with the meal. When the finely dressed salarian departed my date immediately turned her attention back to me and returned her hands to mine. To be quite honest I was shocked that she was able to regain the atmosphere that I had considered blown quite thoroughly apart by the alien, but she managed it. All the while as she spoke a soft smile was on her lips, and no matter just how corny it seemed I just couldn't look away from those captivating emerald eyes of hers.

"You said that you don't know what I see in you?" I nodded, confirming that statement, and she squeezed slightly. "Everything that you said is what I see in you. You see _past_ Commander Shepard… you just see me." Her smile faltered for a moment, and she averted her eyes as she took in a breath. When she continued however, she made sure to look me dead in the eye, and I could _feel_ that she wanted me to understand. "I am broken. I may be a good soldier, a good leader, a good poster girl… but I'm broken. Even when we were facing Sovereign I had nightmares. I hadn't had a full night's sleep since Azuke… until I slept next to you." Her smile had returned, but it was clearly strained. I moved my hands to cover hers and squeezed reassuringly, and her smile became slightly firmer before waning once more.

"But… what do I see in you? I- I see a man who knows my deepest fears; darkest, and deepest faults; my scars… and you don't pity me." She gave a small snort of irony, and I saw the apology in her eyes. "I _hate_ being pitied… and I realize now just how cruel I was being to you when I showed _you _pity… but you don't pity me. When I need somebody to hold you're there. When I just want to shoot the shit you're there too. When…" she lowered her eyes and I felt her hands clench, "when I feel like the universe is swallowing me up and suffocating me you're there too… saying something funny, making fun of someone, joking around, being… _you_. And when I need you to be there for me you take it seriously. Not like it's a job… but because you _actually_, _genuinely_ care." Her eyes slowly rose to meet mine, and I could see the bare _need_ in her gaze; the absolute _want_ for me to see that none of this was a joke; that this was coming from deep inside. "When I'm with you I can be broken, and you still like me and help me. Nobody… not even my mother has ever done that for me."

I knew right then what had happened. There's a moment where things just… click. You were blind but suddenly you can see. All uncertainty disappears, and it just feels _right_ – as if it was always meant to be there, and as if a weight has been taken of your shoulders because you've been debating it subconsciously and worrying for weeks, months, hell, even years sometimes. "Love," I corrected her quietly, averting my eyes as I felt my cheeks burn like they were on fire.

"Love?" Her voice held confusion, and yet despite my nervousness and hesitation I knew that I had to say it; that she had to know.

Taking a deep breath to steel myself I looked back into her eyes, finding her head cocked slightly to the side and a questioning frown on her brow, and I nodded. "When you're with me… and when you're _you_… I don't like you. I love you."

My face was burning, and I almost couldn't believe that I had just confessed to being in love with the beautiful woman in front of me. I'd thought about it for weeks, months, even… but I'd just said those three words that meant that that was that. I had just made a huge commitment, because with the person I was, and the person Erin was, for me to go back on that would tear me apart – and her too. Saying those three words was tantamount to saying that I'd always be with her, and if the look of complete shock in her eyes and the furious, thundering thumping in my chest was anything to go by we both knew it too. "W-what?"

Her voice was broken and barely a whisper, but I could hear the raw disbelief in her tone. She didn't believe me; didn't think I could mean something so serious. Ten minutes ago I doubt I would have either, but however sudden the realization was I knew that it was _right_. It just felt… like it belonged – like it was meant to happen. When I'd dressed up for the date I hadn't expected any conversation as serious as the one we'd had, let alone at the beginning of the date, but it had happened… and I had never been so glad for something so unexpected. "I love you," I repeated, more assuredly this time, and the tears that were brimming finally tipped over the precipice and cascaded down her cheeks unchecked.

Her hands were clenching mine almost painfully, and had I been my old self the bones would've long been dust. She gave a tense chuckle, and shook her head. "N-no you can't mean that."

Shuffling my chair in closer I closed my hands around hers, very aware by the look in her eyes that she was close to bolting, and held them firm. I stared her right in the eye, and nodded once. "I mean every single word. And you are _not_ running on me Erin," I said as I felt her hands begin to try and slide out of mine. She immediately stopped, wide eyed like a deer caught in the headlights, and I shook my head. "I am going to tell you what is _going_ to happen. You are going to sit right here and tell me just why you are so scared, and then I am going to address every single one of those problems before we finish up here. Then I'm going to take you back to the Normandy, holding your hand the entire way, I'm going to take you up to our quarters, and then I _am_ going to kiss you."

Her jaw slackened visibly, and I had to stifle a smile and a chuckle. "Then," I said, not letting her get a thought or word in edge-ways, "you are going to shower, and then I am going to shower, and then both of us are going to get into bed and snuggle."

"S-snuggle?" she squeaked, and I nodded – not bothering to hide my amusement this time.

"Yes, Erin, we _are_ going to snuggle. And I'll probably ask you then whether or not I can kiss you again– but before that why don't you tell me why you're so scared?"

Opening her up after that was like breaking into a bank vault. To be honest I was surprised she didn't use her new-found freedom when dinner came to flee the restaurant, but by God she wasn't opening up. She just ate her dinner, appeared to ignore my questions and pestering, and occasionally sipped at her wine. The entire time she looked like she'd just seen a ghost. She was flicking her eyes around the room as if an assassin was going to pop up at any moment. Even my attempts at humour did little to change her disposition, and saying that I was worried was a serious understatement. Half an hour ago she'd been holding my hands of her own volition telling me how much she trusted and liked me. Now she was like a clam.

Finally, after almost twenty minutes of constant silence I was brought the check, and I quickly transferred enough credits to buy a small house before standing and holding out my hand to Erin. She stood by herself and clasped her hands over her stomach, and I allowed her that until we exited the restaurant where I forcefully took her hand in mine. She looked at me sharply, but wilted under my look. "I said I was going to hold your hand the whole way back to the Normandy."

She gave a small nod before relenting, and we got silently into a cab where I punched in the coordinates to the Normandy's docking bay. When we arrived back the CIC was almost deserted save for a couple of the skeleton crew, and they did quite a good job of keeping their eyes on their work as we got into the elevator. I pressed the button for Shepard's quarters, and when the doors hissed open Shepard walked out. I, notably, didn't.

It took her until she reached her desk to realize that I wasn't following behind, and the turned back around, surprised. She walked back to the door, looking confused, and I stared at her seriously. "I've clearly upset you," I explained, "so I don't think I should stay up here for a while."

Her eyes widened, and I felt my heart clench but pushed it aside. "B-but, but you always sleep up here!"

"Right," I nodded, "except for the fact that for the last two hours I've been getting the silent treatment, and been ignored, because I threw my feelings on the table. You have _no_ idea just how scary it was for me to say those words… and after I'd said them I felt like the weight had just been lifted off my shoulders. And then… it all just came crashing back. To be honest I'm pretty angry and upset right now… so I need some time alone." Before she could speak I walked forwards and kissed her forehead, and I felt her breath hitch. "I love you," I whispered before turning around and punching the button for the crew deck, and the last thing I saw was Shepard standing stock-still staring at me; her face slack and disbelieving.

By the time I'd gotten out on the crew deck my suit jacket and tie had fallen victim to an incinerate and the wall was sporting a new dent courtesy of my fist. I don't know who I was angrier at; me or Shepard. On one hand I was cursing myself for saying those words, because it may have been too soon, but on the other hand I was thinking about how Shepard could've just _fucking_ trusted me enough to say something to ease my worry. Hell, even if she'd said 'I need to think for a while before I say anything' it would've helped, but she'd just gone dead silent and hadn't looked at me for the entire evening after I'd said those three all-important words.

A couple of the crew came up in teasing mode, but quickly backed off when Garrus and Kasumi caught my expression and gait and pushed them back out of my way. I found some of my old Cerberus gear in the drawers underneath my old bunk, and pulled it on before walking back to the elevator and punching the button for the Cargo Bay. When I arrived I called down the stairs to Jack, telling her that I wanted a brutal spar, and a moment later she was walking beside me with a maniacal grin on my face. "I think I can do that," she said in her husky voice, "I owe you for telling me about Pragia after all."

"Just don't hold back," I bit out, "because I sure as shit won't be."

That joking went right off her face when she realised that I was serious about the 'brutal' bit of the spar, and she quietened as we arrived in the cavernous bay. The crew that was down there finishing their evening workout cleared to the sides when they saw me looking, I was quite sure, like Satan incarnate. I didn't even care to get ready first; just turned around and launched a spinning kick right at Jack's face. It connected, though she did manage to get a small kinetic shield up beforehand, but when I landed and shuffled away I could see the blood on her lips.

Her attack was equally as unexpected and as violent as mine, if not more so. A shock-wave slammed into me point blank and hammered be backwards faster and faster until I impacted against a girder of the hull wall. I could feel my spine flexing dangerously as it threatened to snap, but the heavy bone weave kept it from breaking and the heavy muscle weave kept it from collapsing on itself. I could feel blood running down my back from where the skin had been lacerated by the brutal collision, but was back on my feet in a moment only to be slammed right in the face by a biotically-enhanced punch. I felt my nose cave in and a wave of pain slam into me, and I actually heard the gurgle of blood that sprayed from my now-broken nose.

I ducked out of the way on pure instinct alone when I saw Jack coming at me with a flying kick, and punched as hard as I could upwards when she flew past – right into her groin. Contrary to popular belief, hitting a woman in the groin is not at all painless. With a bloke they've got balls, yes, and it bloody hurts when you get hammered in the jewels… but the women also have a clitoris – a tiny wee nub that contains a penis and balls' worth of nerves. Hit hard enough… well, you get the idea.

She went down like a sack of potatoes and crashed to the ground with a groan of agony as she clutched at her crotch. I wiped some blood from my nose as she recovered, and took a second to grab a hold of it before snapping it back into place and I couldn't help but yell out in pain as it crunched. And then Jack was back at me; hammering my ribs with fury-filled punches and kicks that rendered my arm fractured at least and several ribs cracked or fractured despite their incredible upgrades.

In return I dislocated her left shoulder, gotten a few of her ribs myself, and rendered her right leg useless with the help of a brutal kick to the side of her knee. When she got her next punch in at me, making my vision black out and stabs of blinding pain tear themselves through my skull, I felt consciousness slipping away, and finished up by rushing forwards, grabbing her by the straps she called her clothing, and then slamming her head brutally into the same girder that had, earlier in our fight, nearly broken my spine. She collapsed right alongside me, and I saw her grin as the biotic glow dissipated from her skin; her consciousness too far gone to manipulate the dark energy.

"Fucking good fight James," I heard her grumble as her concussion slurred her speech, and I grunted in what passed for a chuckle – darkness encroaching on my vision.

"You too Jack, you too."

When I next woke up I found myself looking at a shockingly familiar white ceiling, and didn't even bother sighing. At least this time I wasn't in restraints. A moment later Karin's face filled my vision and she sighed as she looked down at me. "Honestly James, what am I going to do with you?"

"Urgh," I managed, my mouth feeling like somebody had packed it with cotton wool, and she rolled her eyes before reaching out of my field of vision and coming back with a cup and straw, which I gratefully sucked at when she held it to my lips. "How long?" I said after my mouth wasn't synonymous with the Sahara desert, and she sighed again before consulting a data chart.

"Three days, Mister White," oh I was in trouble if she was calling me that, "because of several fractures in your skull, two broken and three _fractured_ ribs, a dislodged vertebrae, a broken ulna, a fractured femur, oh… and three cracked knuckles." I closed my eyes and winced. All that was probably the reason I was feeling like Death mildly warmed over. "And the Commander's been down here the entire time – she fell asleep about two hours ago."

I looked over, wincing at the pain that lanced through my skull, and saw that indeed she was sat next to my bed; her head slumped but not enough to hide the dark lines beneath her eyes. I sighed, knowing precisely why she was so tired, and then turned my eyes back up to Karin. "How's Jack?"

She looked down at me with a raised eyebrow. "Well she's hobbling around with her leg in a holo-cast, and she's got a few broken ribs that are on the mend, but unlike you she didn't have multiple skull fractures so she hasn't been out of it."

"Ah."

"You really shouldn't encourage her," she chastised me, "she looks forwards to your near-death fights."

"Meh, she's a tough girl." I just got a sigh in return, and she went back to the data-pad. "Is she going to wake up anytime soon?"

"I slipped a sedative into her drink," she informed me drolly, "though with her cybernetic implants it'll probably wear off in an hour or two. Oh, and we have a drell aboard now – his name is-"

"Thane Krios," I interrupted as I tentatively sat up, helped by Karin when she saw what I wanted. "I heard he has Kepral's Syndrome."

"And how did you hear that considering you've been unconscious the entire time he's been on the ship?"

"I have ears everywhere Karin," I fired back with a cocky grin, but promptly winced when she clapped me across the top of my head and aggravated my still-healing bones.

I noticed she'd fallen silent and stopped typing, and turned my head towards her knowing full well just what line of questioning I was about to be subjected to. "The Commander has been very withdrawn since you both came back from your date. She was distraught when she discovered that you were in the Hospital Wing."

"I'm sure she was," I said as I slowly slid onto my feet and tested my balance and strength.

"What happened James?"

I looked over my shoulder and sighed. "I told her that I loved her."

It was quite clear that my long-time friend had not in any way been expecting that as the reason for Erin's actions. "Well then why has she been muttering apologies pretty much every minute she's been down here?"

I raised an eyebrow at that little bit of information, but after a moment realized that I shouldn't have been surprised. I still had no idea just what had made her become so instantly and intensely distant to me, but just like me she'd needed some time to think about it. When I'd asked for a fight from Jack I hadn't expected to be unconscious for three whole days. "I wouldn't know… last time I saw her I was getting the silent treatment and she could barely bring herself to look at me."

"She didn't- what happened?!"

It took me ten minutes to give her my thoughts on the matter, as well as a recount of what had happened, and she leaned forwards in her chair; her fingers steepled and her chin resting on top of them. "The Commander has had a very hard life, James."

"I know that," I said, more than a little affronted, and she held up her hands disarmingly.

"I know you do James, but perhaps you should think about the effect your words and commitment have had on her. She was dead for nearly two years and brought back to life by an organisation that she hates. She is almost equal parts synthetic and 'human' now – even her skin was artificially grown back. Her body is foreign to her, even now, months after waking up. She has glowing scars, though your hack to change the colour has made her more comfortable, and the ERCS engineers finished installing the dermal recovery unit," she pointed to a complex piece of equipment hovering over one of the beds, "which will also help… but she sees herself as an abomination; worse, a _Cerberus_ abomination.

"Every single person she's cared for has been hurt or killed, save her mother but then again she and the Commander hardly have a close relationship. You know as well as I do, and the Commander knows too, that an 'I love you' from _you_ isn't something you'd throw around on a whim." I nodded, understanding where she was going with her train of thought, and she nodded back – acknowledging that she knew I knew. "By letting you _in_ as a _lover_… well you'll become the most important person in her life. Hell James, you probably already are. By saying those words back to you she is giving you the ability to tear her apart. If you died now I have no doubt it would cause massive problems and send her into a deep depression… but she'd live and fight. If she accepts your love and returns it then you dying would utterly ruin her."

I could see where she was going, but I just still couldn't understand why Erin hadn't said anything to me – even a small indication that she was thinking about it too and wasn't outright locking me out. Karin must've seen the look on my face because she sighed and reached over to take my hands. Her light blue eyes met mine, and I felt her squeeze my fingers. "She has never given her love to another like you are asking her to do. If she does then I doubt she ever would again. Although it's against my code of patient confidentiality… I believe you have the right to know that your psych profiles match in that aspect – both of you are careful and guarded with your feelings, and yet when you give into them you do so utterly. To say 'I love you' for _both_ of you is almost synonymous with an Asari-lifebond – only without the melding."

She sighed and released my hands, but I didn't dare break eye-contact with her. I trusted her with my life, and she was one of my closest and oldest friends… and any advice from her I treated like pure eezo. "She is scared, James. She is scared that if she gives into her feelings then she will compromise herself and possibly doom the galaxy."

And then I understood. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I'd told her that she was the one to use the crucible; that she'd be the one to make the choice of where the galaxy would go. I'd told her that the survival of every species relied on her, and then I'd virtually asked her to tie our lives together intimately – where either of us dying would ruin the other. By allowing herself to love me and accept my love she was risking breaking completely if I died, and in turn damning the galaxy because she would be unable to continue on.

While she was the strongest woman I knew, and I was strong myself, really… both of us were broken in different ways; so fragile underneath our soldier-like facades that we presented outwards. Our metal resolve and strength stemmed from our emotions, and despite the determination to save the galaxy and the feelings of responsibility we had in regards our mission that one act of losing the person closest to our hearts - an act that the galaxy as a whole would see as unimportant - would wholly destroy us.

It seemed almost silly that the warrior of our cycle could be brought down by something that many would see as trivial or at the very least not as important as the survival of trillions… but I knew precisely where Karin was coming from. I knew for a fact that if Erin died I wouldn't see the reason to carry on. I'd pass off control of my company to my top team so that they could finish Haven, but then after that I'd probably just wait for the Reapers to come for me, or put a gun to my own head to save myself the wait.

It seems over the top, or would to most, but to me it just seemed natural. What was the point in living when the person you'd entrusted your entire being to was dead? Wouldn't it be better to die and take the chance to possibly see them again if the afterlife was real instead of living an empty life?

I shook my head and looked over at the sleeping Commander, the woman who had my heart in the palm of her hand, and smiled softly. "How deep under is she?"

Five minutes later and I was hobbling out of the medical bay with Shepard cradled in my arms. Thankfully it was the night cycle so the crew deck was deserted and I managed to make it to the elevator without anybody busting us. A few seconds later the elevator pinged open again, letting me step out onto the Captain's Quarters level, and I walked into our room before using voice commands to lock down the door. She weighed next to nothing, though my heavy muscle weave could have had something to do with that, so I didn't have too much trouble save an aching rib-cage and throbbing head as I lay her on the bed, took off her shoes and hoodie, and then tucked her underneath the covers.

I stood there looking at her for a long time after that, debating whether or not I should get in next to her like I had been before our date, or whether I should 'err' on the side of caution and sleep on the couch. But the more I looked at the bags beneath her eyes and reflected on what Karin had said the more I came to the former. I must've stood there for at least five minutes before finally moving, shucking off my hoodie, pants, shoes, and shirt and putting my cap on the bedside table. I still had my jockeys and a singlet on, because I wasn't going shirtless until I got the explicit green light, and slid underneath the covers before curling myself to her back and wrapping one arm over her side where my hand came to rest on her clothed stomach.

I wasn't about to undress her either.

My hand ached to rise further in order to cup her breast and pull her closer to me, but I resisted and hoped like absolute buggery that it wouldn't move of its own accord during the night. It wasn't easy to get to sleep, and so when Shepard finally started throwing off the sedative I was still awake.

Where I took around ten minutes to flush it out enough to gain any sense of coherence, clearly her cybernetic implants helped her do that way faster. Within seconds she was moving, and by the half-minute mark she had stiffened. "You're in your room, in bed," I told her quietly, "and I'm pretty well dressed and you're in your singlet and pants." I felt her relax a fraction and relaxed myself.

"You okay?"

I nodded against her shoulder. "Yeah… still aching and it'll be a day or two before I'm moving like I was… but I'm alright. I think _I_ should be asking if _you're_ alright though. Karin told me you'd hadn't slept properly in nearly two whole days."

She was dead silent for almost a minute, but she hadn't stiffened. If anything she'd slumped. "I hadn't."

"Yeah, I gathered. It's why she knocked you out with a tranquiliser."

She gave a small grunt. "So that's why my mouth feels like cotton wool."

I really couldn't help but chuckle at that, and rolled over slightly to grab a glass of water I always kept on the bedside table for when she woke up from nightmares. When I tapped it against her forehead in the darkness she mumbled a quiet thank you and relieved it from my fingers. A moment later I heard it clink against her side's bedside table as she set it down again.

There was another stretch of silence that made me want to cringe, but my arm stayed around her waist and I stayed spooned to her back. I could've tried to prompt her or hurry her along, but to be quite honest I thought I'd done enough. I'd said those three words that you really don't say unless you're seriously invested in a relationship – baring those that are just complete jerks – and I'd risked enough doing that.

I wasn't about to risk anything else, but I wasn't above saying that I felt scared to death of Shepard at that moment. Not because she was rebuilt with Cerberus funding, not because she was lethal on the battlefield, not because she was The Commander Shepard, but because she had the very real ability to ruin me. If her not talking to me after a confession made me want to get into a near-fatal fight with Jack then I had no idea what I would do if she rejected me.

I'd never thought I'd ever be so attached, attracted, or just plain out in love with anybody before, and the wild emotions and amount of value I put on our relationship was terrifying. I'd never felt so out of control and yet happy at the same time when I was with Erin.

"I'm sorry for not talking to you."

I had to try and find the right words, so I was silent for a moment before answering. "I could tell you don't worry about it… but I'd be lying. Just a couple of words would've helped me keep calm." I felt her slump guiltily. I sighed and gave her a small squeeze when I felt she'd stewed enough. "But if you promise to _never_ do that to me again I'll forgive you."

"I promise," she returned immediately, and I smiled before nodding against the back of her head.

"Okay."

I was waiting for something more from her, but after nearly five minutes I'd gotten nothing. I wondered if she'd really meant her promise considering she wasn't talking to me again when I thought I'd made it clear I wanted her to, but just as I was about to voice my concerns she spoke. "I can't say it back."

That brought me up short. "Er… why?"

I dearly hoped that she wasn't going to say 'well I don't love you'. "You know what could happen if I did."

I was relieved on one hand, and exasperated on the other. I decided to voice the latter. "Because you'd be ruined if something happened to me?" I felt her nod and gave a small huff of irritation. "Trust me when I say that I'm not trying to guilt trip you with this Erin, but you _do_ realize that I'm already _in_ that situation… right?" She didn't answer, so I endeavoured to explain just how invested I was in our relationship. "I've said those words. I've told you that I love you." I felt her stomach tense. "If something happens to you I'm done for. If you die then chances are I'll do something stupid just so that I can join you."

She was silent again for the moment, but I could feel that she wanted to speak. When she did I could hear the strain in her voice. "You have no idea how much I want to say the same to you," she managed, "but… but I have the whole _galaxy_ relying on me to finish this. I _can't _die again until I reach the crucible."

"Okay," I said firmly, and I physically flipped her over so that she was facing me while simultaneously turning up the lights above. I looked down at her in the dim light and almost glared, and she was looking up at me with wide eyes. "Two things," I said as I sat up and looked down at her, crossing my arms for extra effect and trying not to let my frustration creep into my voice, "one; you're not going to die. I've got my people working on a way to keep you alive and still achieve Synthesis." Her jaw slackened slightly and I held up a second finger, "And to be quite honest, Erin, you need to be selfish for once.

"Of course I'm being selfish by telling you to be selfish, but that's entirely beside the point. You may be reluctant to say the words, Erin, but from what I can gather you want to, which means that you love me. Now be honest and tell me that even without saying the words you wouldn't fall apart if I died right now."

Okay, apparently I was into throwing my own advice out the window. So much for no pushing. Her jaw was slack, her mouth hanging slightly open, and her green eyes were wide with shock. I truly think she was genuinely brain-frozen for several seconds, because with a start she seemed to come back on-line. Her booting procedures apparently consisted of a huge, full-face blush, followed by a trembling lip, and then full-blown crying. To say that I was floundering was like saying that Pope Benedict XVI looks creepy – i.e. massive understatement.

I was torn between hugging her and wiping her tears away, and finally decided on doing both by pulling her upwards across my lap and allowing her to bury her head into my chest; her tears soaking into my singlet. I'd seen her cry after nightmares, but never like this. When she cried she just let the tears go silently, but right here, right now… she was sobbing. I could feel the great, heaving breaths she was drawing in and then crying back out again.

Like she was, on my lap with her arms wrapped as hard as she could around my torso and crying her eyes out… she felt so delicate it just wasn't funny. Where normally she exuded an air of authority and strength she was now positively radiating vulnerability. She knew that I knew that she loved me, even if she hadn't said the words. In a way it was just as bad because her cries and reaction was almost as if I had asked her if she loved me and she'd said yes.

Her emotions had betrayed her, but amongst the cries I could hear relief, and despite her heaving sobs her body was relaxed completely for the first time since I'd met her. She'd let herself completely go in front of me, and if that wasn't a proclamation of love then I didn't know what the hell was. Even though it was unneeded, the next words she spoke truly did make me nearly cry in relief. In-between hiccoughs of sobbing those three words finally made their way out. "I love you."

If you've ever had to confess and then wait to have it returned, you'll know precisely the feeling of relief that flooded through me. To those that haven't ever had to put their heart on the table and have it sitting there… the relief and subsequent rush of complete and utter happiness is unfathomable. Many men, and indeed women, would have you believe that it's corny or soppy, but if they've ever been in that situation then they would agree even if it was silently. There's nothing else quite like it.

I tightened my hold on her and smiled against her scalp. "I love you too Erin." Her sobbing only increased in intensity, but I had the impression that they were cries of exultation rather than her previous cries of fear. "And neither of us is going to die if I can help it," I assured her. I don't know how long we sat there in the dim light, but in spite of the fact that she had the build of a soldier not once did she feel too heavy. She seemed as content as I was to just sit there and calm herself.

She finally moved from her position against my chest, and a moment later I felt her lips press against my neck. I really couldn't help but smile, and pulled my head back so that I could look down at her. The kiss was so soft I almost couldn't believe it, so tender it was heart-wrenching, and so languidly given that the entire universe seemed to disappear into the background. I felt a calloused yet soft hand come to rest against the back of my neck and tug slightly, and I just didn't care about the consequences anymore. When she shuffled around to straddle my lap and my arms came around her back I realised for the first time the extent of her petiteness.

She felt like she could break at any moment, that she was so fragile that even a single harsh movement would shatter her. Perhaps I was thinking about her emotions, the self that she kept hidden deep down inside so that nobody could find and hurt it, but she was baring that to me and letting me in. I knew right then that I held the key to Erin. I had the ability to utterly ruin her with just a few words of rejection. Many would give their lives to be in my position, and most not for friendly purposes.

Getting Shepard out alive and helping her save the universe wasn't enough anymore. Had I not fallen for her, or her for me, things would have been so much easier. I wouldn't have had to worry about myself, and until she kissed me and surrendered herself to her emotions for the first time in Goddess knows how long I didn't to an extent. Saving the universe and keeping Shepard alive was enough. Now, however, I couldn't die without hurting Erin in such a way that she would probably see death as preferable.

Despite knowing what was coming, the stress of war was inevitable. We weren't anywhere near Mass Effect 3 yet, and the only things I would allow myself to change were done in the shadows so that I didn't upset the time-line and ruin my knowledge of the future, and I'd made the decision to not do things like warn Earth when the time came, or the Citadel about Cerberus' future attacks. I had made the decisions, albeit with Erin's support, and I was already wearing thin by having such responsibility on my shoulders.

And the war hadn't even started yet.

If I felt stretched thin then Shepard was stretched even thinner, and that was saying something. I know that if somebody had told me before I came to the Mass Effect universe that killing one's self would be preferable to living without somebody I would have stared at them as if they were crazy. But truly, with what we were doing and who we are, to have the person that we loved, trusted, and leaned on for support torn away from us would snap our minds. I needed Erin. I needed her to show me that I wasn't a monster I sometimes saw myself as, I needed her to reassure me that I was doing the right thing, I needed her like I needed air.

Like a baby from the womb taking its first breath, now that I had her I couldn't go without.

I felt her tongue swipe across my lips and shivered lightly at the feeling, and just as her arms tightened around my neck mine tightened around her shoulders. I'd kissed a girl once before at a party, and while it had been enjoyable it simply couldn't compare to kissing Erin. It felt like I was in a dream. There was no rush in either of our movements. Her tongue tangled with mine and for the first time I tasted her. It was no surprise I got a hint of cinnamon. Ever since I'd brought her a packet of Big Red gum on Illium she hadn't been able to get enough of it.

When I was younger I thought that kissing must be the most boring thing on Earth to do. Had I been able I would have gone back in time and slapped myself silly. Over an hour later our kisses slowly subsided, tongues retreating, until only small intermittent pecks on the lips remained. No words needed to be spoken. I felt some tugging at my t-shirt and helped her slip it over my head, and after some more kisses helped her with her own. Our pants followed soon after, thrown haphazardly somewhere off the bed, and she finally settled her head on my pillow to kiss me again. It was clear to me that she was just as inexperienced as I was with kissing, as well as physical relationships, but learning together and slowly exploring what we liked was exhilarating.

I had just woken up from injuries, and Erin from drug induced unconsciousness just over an hour prior, and the emotional toll, however positive the outcome, was making itself known. Our kisses slowly became less frequent until I felt Erin shuffle slightly lower and rest her head against my chest, and even as darkness engulfed my mind I could feel a smile twitching at my lips as I felt the woman I loved and who loved me still and begin breathing deeply and evenly.

For once in this mad, violent, dangerous universe I felt completely at peace.


End file.
